Do opposites really attract?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    How different are you from your man, and what makes it work icon_question.gif
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    Opposites do not attract, according to psychologists. In my personal experience, they attract to some degree but eventually begin to clash. My second ex was a perfect example of this. He was not like me in the least bit. We often had difficultly discussing things or agreeing to certain things too-- which made it harder overall.

    But my commendations to those who do and can make it work. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    i met my caucasian twin, we are exactly alike in every way, so far we're just friends, but...ya, it's too easy to hang out because of it

    I think opposites attract because underneath the layers of what makes them a unique individual, they share a common view on an important issue that defines them and those of whom company they tend to keep
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidOpposites do not attract, according to psychologists. In my personal experience, they attract to some degree but eventually begin to clash. My second ex was a perfect example of this. He was not like me in the least bit. We often had difficultly discussing things or agreeing to certain things too-- which made it harder overall.

    But my commendations to those who do and can make it work. icon_biggrin.gif

    I believe, in theory at least, that best matches are complimentary(opposites), with matching aspects to their relationship. Enough to keep each other interested, but not too much to drown each other out with the same noise.
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    You still have to share the same values. You might have different opinions or world views but underneath all of that, there is a commonality that you share which makes your relationship work. That's my theory, at least.
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:53 PM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    ParadiseLost saidOpposites do not attract, according to psychologists. In my personal experience, they attract to some degree but eventually begin to clash. My second ex was a perfect example of this. He was not like me in the least bit. We often had difficultly discussing things or agreeing to certain things too-- which made it harder overall.

    But my commendations to those who do and can make it work. icon_biggrin.gif

    I believe, in theory at least, that best matches are complimentary(opposites), with matching aspects to their relationship. Enough to keep each other interested, but not too much to drown each other out with the same noise.


    Well, if relationships worked like wavelengths, then yes, complementary opposites would work out. icon_biggrin.gif I am not sure what sort of opposite my ex was. I want to say he was 'complementary' even in the simplest of choices: His favorite color was orange, mine is blue. He was passive aggressive about his dealings with relationships. I was straight forward and direct. *Shrugs* Such things do not complement me but perhaps having someone a shade close to yourself or a split complementary color may work better. :3
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    Myol saidYou still have to share the same values. You might have different opinions or world views but underneath all of that, there is a commonality that you share which makes your relationship work. That's my theory, at least.


    And your theory is backed up by studies. Just this past week there was a radio news story on the very same subject.
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    Sep 24, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    hell yeahicon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidWell, if relationships worked like wavelengths, then yes, complementary opposites would work out. icon_biggrin.gif I am not sure what sort of opposite my ex was. I want to say he was 'complementary' even in the simplest of choices: His favorite color was orange, mine is blue. He was passive aggressive about his dealings with relationships. I was straight forward and direct. *Shrugs* Such things do not complement me but perhaps having someone a shade close to yourself or a split complementary color may work better. :3

    This is where shared interests, complimentary personalities, similar goals, and the ability to be able to accept those one or two flaws that the other has come in to play. There is something about every guy that I've ever liked that I absolutely don't understand or like... but I shrug that off; cause when things are summed up we fit every other way just right... cause, no matter, imho, every couple has to humble itself to the other person's differences. For example, irl right now, I'm a total loser... doubt anyone can see passed that, but it's great that the internet exist. Until my RL situation changes, this is the only place I have to exercise happiness and communication skills... hope that there is a guy I can be for, who is for me... you understand. Distance = Conflict.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 24, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    OK. Let's pare it back to the basics. What is the opposite of a man? A woman. Are you attracted to women?
  • starboard5

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    Sep 24, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    I think opposites can work in a friendship where differences can be stimulating; in a relationship, they become annoying.
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    ParadiseLost saidWell, if relationships worked like wavelengths, then yes, complementary opposites would work out. icon_biggrin.gif I am not sure what sort of opposite my ex was. I want to say he was 'complementary' even in the simplest of choices: His favorite color was orange, mine is blue. He was passive aggressive about his dealings with relationships. I was straight forward and direct. *Shrugs* Such things do not complement me but perhaps having someone a shade close to yourself or a split complementary color may work better. :3

    This is where shared interests, complimentary personalities, similar goals, and the ability to be able to accept those one or two flaws that the other has come in to play. There is something about every guy that I've ever liked that I absolutely don't understand or like... but I shrug that off; cause when things are summed up we fit every other way just right... cause, no matter, imho, every couple has to humble itself to the other person's differences. For example, irl right now, I'm a total loser... doubt anyone can see passed that, but it's great that the internet exist. Until my RL situation changes, this is the only place I have to exercise happiness and communication skills... hope that there is a guy I can be for, who is for me... you understand. Distance = Conflict.


    Sweets, you aren't a loser. :/ It's the idiots around you who have lost a great opportunity to get to know you better. icon_smile.gif

    But yes, you are right, but this is why I think it is more similar things that interest a person than things which oppose the individual. For example, I don't date cock jockies-- my term used to describe arrogant douchebag men who are usually muscled and full of themselves. icon_biggrin.gif They're not my type. Of course I'm being perfectly biased here but cock jockies usually prefer dating other cock jockies themselves. icon_smile.gif

    What I desire, in a person, is more about connection, security, trust, harmony, and love. :3 If a person stands on a different view on these matters, I can't say I'd necessarily flow into their arms or vice versa. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    Sweets, you aren't a loser. :/ It's the idiots around you who have lost a great opportunity to get to know you better. icon_smile.gif

    But yes, you are right, but this is why I think it is more similar things that interest a person than things which oppose the individual. For example, I don't date cock jockies-- my term used to describe arrogant douchebag men who are usually muscled and full of themselves. icon_biggrin.gif They're not my type. Of course I'm being perfectly biased here but cock jockies usually prefer dating other cock jockies themselves. icon_smile.gif

    What I desire, in a person, is more about connection, security, trust, harmony, and love. :3 If a person stands on a different view on these matters, I can't say I'd necessarily flow into their arms or vice versa. icon_biggrin.gif

    I think my most mistake is finding the wrong complimentary types... had enough in common but almost every guy since my one 3yr partnership has been conflicted... I need to break the pattern, and pick up on adult guys like you who do get me, and are reasonably close to wherever I'm living... I've been in dreammode for so long, I lost track of the fact that networking is nothing but a game for some guys... I've been back from that long enough to be miserable with the reality between me and where I live again.
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    Yes and no. I think that people who are opposites in some respects can be attracted to each other because they are similar in other respects that may not be so obvious. For example, I'm introverted, but I tend to be attracted to more extroverted types. Superficially, we may seem to be opposites, but if we share similar values, a sense of humor, etc., then we're really not that different.
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    I think my most mistake is finding the wrong complimentary types... had enough in common but almost every guy since my one 3yr partnership has been conflicted... I need to break the pattern, and pick up on adult guys like you who do get me, and are reasonably close to wherever I'm living... I've been in dreammode for so long, I lost track of the fact that networking is nothing but a game for some guys... I've been back from that long enough to be miserable with the reality between me and where I live again.


    Well that makes sense. I think there are differing levels of connection.

    I know this is oversimplifying things a bit but for example,
    Person A:is one who enjoys the color orange, is extroverted, and likes to shop a lot. Person B: is one who likes the color blue, is introverted, and likes to spend time at home.

    Now, if between these three things Person A thinks finding someone who is extroverted is his number one priority, he isn't going to get along with Person B; however, if Person B also wants to find someone extroverted but doesn't care for someone who shops a lot, they aren't going to be a 100% match. Likewise is true if Person A wants someone introverted but Person B cannot stand someone who is extroverted to the point Person A is.

    Point is, it's about finding what makes the two people similar despite their differences. Perhaps you haven't found the type of person who fits many of your criteria or fulfills your desires in the way you want to be. Ultimately, you should find someone who you can Trust, someone who is Patient, Understands you (i.e. empathy/sympathy), is Kind and Caring, and shares your beliefs or has experienced and holds similar view points of life that you do. icon_smile.gif

  • synestheticxs...

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    Sep 24, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    Opposites don't attract unless you're both magnets.

    Newsflash: You're not.
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    Sep 24, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    synestheticxserenade saidOpposites don't attract unless you're both magnets.

    Newsflash: You're not.

    Electromagnetism powers your temporal existence.
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    Sep 24, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    synestheticxserenade saidOpposites don't attract unless you're both magnets.

    Newsflash: You're not.

    Electromagnetism powers your temporal existence.


    But it doesn't always work in relationships. +D
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    Sep 24, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    Well that makes sense. I think there are differing levels of connection.

    I know this is oversimplifying things a bit but for example,
    Person A:is one who enjoys the color orange, is extroverted, and likes to shop a lot. Person B: is one who likes the color blue, is introverted, and likes to spend time at home.

    Now, if between these three things Person A thinks finding someone who is extroverted is his number one priority, he isn't going to get along with Person B; however, if Person B also wants to find someone extroverted but doesn't care for someone who shops a lot, they aren't going to be a 100% match. Likewise is true if Person A wants someone introverted but Person B cannot stand someone who is extroverted to the point Person A is.

    Point is, it's about finding what makes the two people similar despite their differences. Perhaps you haven't found the type of person who fits many of your criteria or fulfills your desires in the way you want to be. Ultimately, you should find someone who you can Trust, someone who is Patient, Understands you (i.e. empathy/sympathy), is Kind and Caring, and shares your beliefs or has experienced and holds similar view points of life that you do. icon_smile.gif


    My neurally plasticine brain has become a fusion of introvert and extrovert from going back and forth between the two. In AZ I was a pretty much mute bookworm by day, and a wild partyboy by evening/night. My personality has a range and composition few feel akin with... Unlike you, your presense is like karmic lottery for good deeds I have yet to do. I almost feel guilty for knowing you.
    For the record, my three year relationship was with a polar opposite; however you interpret that is fine.
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    Sep 24, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    JR_RJ said
    synestheticxserenade saidOpposites don't attract unless you're both magnets.

    Newsflash: You're not.

    Electromagnetism powers your temporal existence.


    But it doesn't always work in relationships. +D

    As long as it's with an adult male who feels the "same" attraction I do, the physical nature of the attraction doesn't matter much to me.
  • camfer

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    Sep 24, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    My BF likes to bottom and I like to top. Somehow, we've been able to make it work.
  • Trauts

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    Sep 24, 2012 2:52 AM GMT
    I don't think that opposites attract. Maybe it depends on what the opposite characteristics are. It's quite impossible to be attracted to someone with absolutely nothing in common with you, unless you're talking about physical characteristics. Probably what matters most is that 2 people complement each other with their different personalities, while both still moving towards the same direction in life.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    Two people with different personalities can be completely attracted to each other...on the other hand ..to make a relationship work..there has to be mutual respect and similar core values.
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    Sep 24, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidTwo people with different personalities can be completely attracted to each other...on the other hand ..to make a relationship work..there has to be mutual respect and similar core values.


    This is true. My husband and I are different in many respects. I am more active. I am a top. I have my own friends and we share some mutual friends. This allows some separate time which I think is essential for a healthy relationship. However, we share most interests and values. If gay men were attracted to complete opposites they would make sexual and loving relationships with lesbians.icon_lol.gificon_rolleyes.gif So much for that theory.