How do you cope with a breakup?

  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Right now I feel that I have been abandoned by someone who was supposed to be my partner. Actually I have been abandoned by him. He just disappeared and left me all alone in a big city all by myself while I was at work. We moved here together a year and half ago, found jobs and settled down. I helped him pay off his car, paid some of his credit cards and at the same time he rang up my credit cards and emptied my savings.

    I'm hurt and feel broken and taken advantage of because I truly loved him and cared about him until he became verbally and physically abusive right after his car loan was paid off and my savings drained.

    I'm devastated, lost, empty and hurting, so how do I get over this breakup? The good thing is that he is now gone and yet I still miss him even after what he has done. I have never experienced a breakup in my life before. What should I do? Do I need to seek therapy/counselling (I really don't want to do that)? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions/help would be appreciated.

    Thanks!

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    Sep 24, 2012 2:18 AM GMT
    That sounds pretty bad. Sorry to hear.

    As you said, the good thing is that he is now gone. Just don't become one of those guys who want to go back to their abusive boyfriend/husbands. Give it some time and move forward on your own.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 24, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    Im so very sorry you're going thru this. It sounds like what he did was truly awful. First off, if you must go to therapy, please do so. I went to therapy after a very bad breakup two years ago. It was only a couple of sessions, but it did help. Other than that, please realize your ex just played you badly. You didn't deserve what happened. And do not dare taking the dude back! Take it one day at a time, but do move on.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    microbiologist saidThat sounds pretty bad. Sorry to hear.

    As you said, the good thing is that he is now gone. Just don't become one of those guys who want to go back to their abusive boyfriend/husbands. Give it some time and move forward on your own.


    Thank you for your help! I did want to go back to him at one point but I realize it was better for me to move on without him. He is very bossy, bad tempered, abusive and moody so I really don't want to go through that again. Now I have to start all over with everything from scratch. The crazy thing is I still miss him and I'm trying very hard to go on with my life in a big new city with no friends or family.

    Once again, thanks a bunch for your help!
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:04 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidIm so very sorry you're going thru this. It sounds like what he did was truly awful. First off, if you must go to therapy, please do so. I went to therapy after a very bad breakup two years ago. It was only a couple of sessions, but it did help. Other than that, please realize your ex just played you badly. You didn't deserve what happened. And do not dare taking the dude back! Take it one day at a time, but do move on.


    I thought about going to therapy but I have never been to one before and I don't feel comfortable talking about myself to a total stranger face to face. I had to go to work with a black eye and bruises all over my arms and face so I really don't want that to happen to me again. I still miss him but the more I think about what had happened to me the more I don't want to get back together with him. Time for me to move on.

    Thank you for your support/help!
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:04 PM GMT
    winwin saidRight now I feel that I have been abandoned by someone who was supposed to be my partner. Actually I have been abandoned by him. He just disappeared and left me all alone in a big city all by myself while I was at work. We moved here together a year and half ago, found jobs and settled down. I helped him pay off his car, paid some of his credit cards and at the same time he rang up my credit cards and emptied my savings.

    I'm hurt and feel broken and taken advantage of because I truly loved him and cared about him until he became verbally and physically abusive right after his car loan was paid off and my savings drained.

    I'm devastated, lost, empty and hurting, so how do I get over this breakup? The good thing is that he is now gone and yet I still miss him even after what he has done. I have never experienced a breakup in my life before. What should I do? Do I need to seek therapy/counselling (I really don't want to do that)? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions/help would be appreciated.

    Thanks!



    Make a list of the things you didn't like about him. Be objective. Focus on his faults--everyone has them.

    Put the list somewhere close by. Whenever you start missing him, remind yourself of his faults, how they negatively affected you, and how they negatively affected the relationship. You'll be fine eventually.

    Oh, and never give away your money like that again. A man who loves will NOT take advantage of you. True love gives before it takes.
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. Stay determined and pull yourself up and rebuild what you lost, not only financially but in your self esteem. You deserve MUCH better than an abusive relationship! That is the best revenge. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    in my best DR. Phil voice, "this could be the changing day in your life"
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    [quote]
    Make a list of the things you didn't like about him. Be objective. Focus on his faults--everyone has them.

    Put the list somewhere close by. Whenever you start missing him, remind yourself of his faults, how they negatively affected you, and how they negatively affected the relationship. You'll be fine eventually.

    Oh, and never give away your money like that again. A man who loves will NOT take advantage of you. True love gives before it takes. [/quote]

    Thanks for your kind words! Making a list sounds like a great idea. He did have some good qualities in the beginning or I never would have started a life with him. The bad qualities showed much later. From now on, my money will be safe with me and take care of myself.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    bri_66 saidI'm sorry you had to go through what you did. Stay determined and pull yourself up and rebuild what you lost, not only financially but in your self esteem. You deserve MUCH better than an abusive relationship! That is the best revenge. icon_wink.gif


    Thanks for your help! Yes we all deserve the best if not better.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 24, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Justim saidin my best DR. Phil voice, "this could be the changing day in your life"


    I really think so too. Thanks for your kind words!
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    Sep 24, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    therapy might actually be a good thing...I don't know why it has such a bad stigma associated with it..It's just like talking to anyone else and getting advice except they have knowledge of how people's minds work and talk to many people everyday so they get a wide range of experiences of tons of people's life stories...I wouldn't take anyone person's word over another but therapist can be a good resource..3rd parties have no agenda (hopefully). Good luck dude. Keep on keeping on this too will pass
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Sep 24, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    There was obviously something good in the beginning, that is why you stayed. Cherish those aspects but learn from the other side and move on. It will not happen over night ;it will suck and hurt, but don't stay stuck. Best way to move on and learn is work it out with a 3rd party. Mistakes are only failures when we repeat them over and over.

    Be well and take care of yourself....im giving you a big ol' E-Hug. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    hmmmm how to cope with a break up??? thats easy!! learn to love yourself and then you won't care about a break upicon_wink.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:30 PM GMT
    Why did you let him touch your money in the first place???!!!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 24, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Well first, let me say that I'm sorry about your breakup. I'm sure it is a challenge dealing with things on your own. How long were you together?

    You didn't mention anything about friends. I think relying on guidance and support from friends really helps.. also approaching it logically. Get your house in order (so to speak) and consider the positives of his departure.
    Consider the lessons learned. Don't ever let yourself get so caught up in emotion that you make ill advised financial decisions that may affect your life. Now if you were together for years (and were basically married for all practical purposes).. I can understand.. but in the end, your financial stability is critical.

    Don't blame yourself or feel guilty.. just move forward. These are times you might want to really focus on self improvement. Think about whats important in your life. Much growth can come from this.. it isn't all bad!
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 25, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidWhy did you let him touch your money in the first place???!!!


    Well I guess I was a fool in love and trusted him and thought we were going to grow old together but I was wrong.
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    Sep 25, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    winwin said How do you cope with a breakup?
    I take it like a man.

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    Sep 25, 2012 3:19 AM GMT
    OP...First i must say..I really feel for you..Maybe from here on out you'll learn to protect yourself...

    ..There is nothing wrong with handing over your heart to another person..but the tricky thing is finding the right person.

    ..I hope you are in a position where you will recoup easily...There are tons of great guys out there..finding one is not so easy!

    Hugz..
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 25, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell first, let me say that I'm sorry about your breakup. I'm sure it is a challenge dealing with things on your own. How long were you together?

    You didn't mention anything about friends. I think relying on guidance and support from friends really helps.. also approaching it logically. Get your house in order (so to speak) and consider the positives of his departure.
    Consider the lessons learned. Don't ever let yourself get so caught up in emotion that you make ill advised financial decisions that may affect your life. Now if you were together for years (and were basically married for all practical purposes).. I can understand.. but in the end, your financial stability is critical.

    Don't blame yourself or feel guilty.. just move forward. These are times you might want to really focus on self improvement. Think about whats important in your life. Much growth can come from this.. it isn't all bad!


    Thanks for the advice! All my friends are in different states. We moved here where we knew nobody.
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    Sep 25, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    my G-D you're young.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 25, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 4:21 AM GMT

    Hey, consider yourself worth more. You, after all, gave much which is a testimonial to you. You did nothing wrong. These are his issues. icon_wink.gif
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Sep 25, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidOP...First i must say..I really feel for you..Maybe from here on out you'll learn to protect yourself...

    ..There is nothing wrong with handing over your heart to another person..but the tricky thing is finding the right person.

    ..I hope you are in a position where you will recoup easily...There are tons of great guys out there..finding one is not so easy!

    Hugz..


    I really thought he was the right one and now obviously I was so wrong, Thanks for your response and help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Dust yourself off, move forward, and never look back.