Why are gays so behind the times?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    So I'm a relatively good looking asian dude in his early 20's, and am pretty new to the gay world. For some time I've had accounts on POF, okcupid, jack'd etc lol... about half the messages I get are from white men in their 40's to late 50's. It was weird... I mean, what are they hoping for??

    For a while I assumed that's the pervy nature of the gay world, but it turns out none of my white gay friends get those messages, while my asian and brown friends get it all the time.

    Of course, I quickly learn that it's because old guys hoping to score young ass have to look to less desirable races to have a better chance. I didn't realize asians were less desirable... I had the hottest girlfriend back when I thought homo was a sin and all, and never thought once about the fact she's white. Why are gays so behind the times?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    amoonhawk saidHow sad that you feel that way... I know of several white guys that are just hot for Asians ... maybe when you get older and no one mails you, you'll look back at it and think of it as a compliment ...I get 70 and 80 year old sending me mails of all races but I don't try to analyze their intent .. I just say thanks and relish the thought that someone still finds me attractive


    Isn't it more of an insult, to know that these guys "found me attractive" clearly only because my race is apparently more willing to put out for geriatrics? I smell a bit of disingenuity...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    amoonhawk saidok ... i think you're trolling

    wtf???

    Being honest is not trolling
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    Relevant to this post

    not-sure-if-serious-or-just-trolling-thu
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    When I signed up for a gay hookup site, it was the same for me. Mostly older larger guys. (and not muscle. For the record, I never accepted any of their offers.)
    I think they just like hooking up with younger guys. I don't know how skin color or ethnic background comes into play. Some guys just find hot young virgin ass to be desirable and go after it. At the same time, alot of virgins like a man with "experience." So they may have gotten the impression most young guys will go for any older guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidIsn't it more of an insult, to know that these guys "found me attractive" clearly only because my race is apparently more willing to put out for geriatrics? I smell a bit of disingenuity...

    "their 40's to late 50's" Geriatrics?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    It varies. On Scruff, I get messages from older white guys. On Jackd, I get messages from younger guys from various ethnic backgrounds.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 24, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    troll.jpg
    Love my do
    Love my shoe
    Love what I do whacka do do do
    oh ya ya ya we all know you too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    WaytoDawn saidWhen I signed up for a gay hookup site, it was the same for me. Mostly older larger guys. (and not muscle. For the record, I never accepted any of their offers.)
    I think they just like hooking up with younger guys. I don't know how skin color or ethnic background comes into play. Some guys just find hot young virgin ass to be desirable and go after it. At the same time, alot of virgins like a man with "experience." So they may have gotten the impression most young guys will go for any older guy.


    I don't want to sound like an asshole, but your profile says "overweight". I think anything that apparently makes you "less desirable" makes you more of a worthwhile candidate to such men. Unless hot white guys get accosted nearly as much by old men - which they don't for a fact - it's really hard to be blissfully ignorant now that I know these things.

    whytehot saidyeah I have to admit that straight people seem more colourblind. I had a memorable conversation with a friend, who told me before about how he gets half-joking congrats from his fellow gay asians, or vice versa, whenever one of them score a good-looking white dude... so when his own brother, who is straight, started dating this new girl, he was like "a white girl, nice job!" and his brother gave him this look like he a colonial slave trader or something. And it eventually came up in family conversation so now the parents think he looks down on his own race haha. He said that was what made him realize that his time spent in the "liberal" gay world actually made him racist.


    that's really sad. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    I have not had problems attracting nor being with guys of all races, of all ages, and a lot of beautiful guys. I obviously am not model hot or chiselled. I say this not to diminish the accounts of frustration that many of us minorities go through but I think painting all gays or all white gays or all minority gays with one broad stroke creates a lot of noise and that's it. You're never going to get guys who are not attracted to your "type" to be attracted by posting on RJ. Attraction doesn't work that way, nor does it reach people you're trying to reach.

    Most straight people fall in love with people they meet through work or through a friend of a friend and it happens over a course of repeated in-person interactions. You see mannerisms, hear jokes, see how the person reacts to you and to others and something builds over time that you can't really describe how. Dating on the internet, is a watered down, one dimensional version of that. It's like comparing a live 4 hour concert to a youtube clip of the concert. Your senses are just not all stimulated.

    What I have learned is that the more "out" you are and the better your body is, the more likely you are to meet guys who are attracted to you across the board. My two cents.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    Troll or not, this phenomenon is real. Go to any club and watch the sort of white men who gravitate towards their favourite exotic lean meat.

    And I don't consider it flattery to have a 70-year old proposition me with a photo of his cock and only words being "this in your arse".
  • MichaelG

    Posts: 48

    Sep 24, 2012 1:35 PM GMT
    Sounds like you need a shrink!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    MichaelG saidSounds like you need a shrink!




    only young shrinks, no old shrinks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    It's a strange thing being 'less desirable' because often I think "oh great, so does that mean I should go for whoever wants me because there's going to be much less opportunity for me to have a relationship?"
    However, then I think "but I'm still a person and shouldn't have to suffice for something as simple as that."
    So then I don't know if I shouldn't be, for lack of a better term, picky at all or if I should have the same general amount of "pickiness" that everyone else has.

    Being completely honest, I know alot of people say they prioritise personality over appearance, but in reality, it is only applicable to a certain degree.
    Most of the time, if not all, people won't bother really getting to know a person if they don't find them physically attractive. I get it though because everyone has to have that element in a relationship and people have different "tastes", what can you do if you don't fit it?

    I just find that being less desirable, that particular principle is more of a necessity for me (and those others who would find themselves in this category) because that's all (or most) of what I'd have going for me, whereas those who are naturally physically attractive can afford to have that as a luxury.
    Not that I'm hating on people who are deemed much better looking in society, those were the cards they were dealt with which is fine, so I just have to see what I can do with the ones I've been dealt with.

    Now I know some people might say that they find themselves in that particular category but it hasn't stopped them from hooking up. The problem there is that, what about those who find themselves in that category and don't like to have the hook up lifestyle?
    Maybe it's us who then have to rely on wealth and power to become desirable in some form, which commonly doesn't happen for most til they are much older, thus generally becoming the very people that you (the OP) have ranted on about receiving annoying messages from.

    I guess everyone has to fill some kind of role in the world and you have to be okay with the one you match.
    Anyway, sorry for the random mumblings I just found this surprisingly interesting, admittedly at first I didn't think it would be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Well, it is nice to read a thread that counter-balances the avalanche of threads that complain about gays who only date within their race. Those seem to pop up every week and you seem to be describing the opposite.

    It's unfortunate that you have been propositioned by guys who don't appeal to you. But at least they aren't being overtly racist. (That is, unless you are suggesting a Madame Butterfly complex......)

    One thought might be that as guys get older, they become better in-tune with themselves and are less likely to adhere to the institutionalized ideas of race and with whom they should date or partner. They approach you because they are genuinely interested in getting to know someone different from themselves.

    They sad part is that they should have done that in their 20s, when you would have been more likely to receive their advances.

    Just a suggestion, but maybe you should indicate in your profile the age ranges that you are looking to meet.



  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Sep 24, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    edmirer saidTroll or not, this phenomenon is real. Go to any club and watch the sort of white men who gravitate towards their favourite exotic lean meat.

    And I don't consider it flattery to have a 70-year old proposition me with a photo of his cock and only words being "this in your arse".


    Yeah, ditto here, actually. And I don't fit your stereotype.

    I get messages all the time from late 40s, early 50s, offering me their cock. I do not need to see PA cock on a guy over double my age. It's gross. I don't even like football...

    And my profile even says that I'm dating. Not that anyone reads profiles anyways...
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Sep 24, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    osakarob saidWell, it is nice to read a thread that counter-balances the avalanche of threads that complain about gays who only date within their race. Those seem to pop up every week and you seem to be describing the opposite.

    It's unfortunate that you have been propositioned by guys who don't appeal to you. But at least they aren't being overtly racist. (That is, unless you are suggesting a Madame Butterfly complex......)

    One thought might be that as guys get older, they become better in-tune with themselves and are less likely to adhere to the institutionalized ideas of race and with whom they should date or partner. They approach you because they are genuinely interested in getting to know someone different from themselves.

    They sad part is that they should have done that in their 20s, when you would have been more likely to receive their advances.

    Just a suggestion, but maybe you should indicate in your profile the age ranges that you are looking to meet.





    This isn't about guys dating outside their race. It's about guys fucking outside their race.
  • NorthChinaLi

    Posts: 241

    Sep 24, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    please give me kscott66. i want him. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    I've experienced it a few times. I've had guys tell me they love latin men, as though I'm some wild game waiting to be captured and tamed.

    Hello. I'm not a fetish.
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Sep 24, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    soulman1969 saidI've experienced it a few times. I've had guys tell me they love latin men, as though I'm some wild game waiting to be captured and tamed.

    Hello. I'm not a fetish.


    Exactly...IMHO fetishizing someones race is a subtle form of racism. My black friends (gay and stricon_cool.gif say they get this allot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    OP, I won't discount what you say. Am sure its true. But it is also true that the reason some older white guys cruise younger men of colour is that on average the pursued are more likely to say "Yes." There's also a noticeable genre of non-white guys who pretty much only date white guys, which is also kinda weird. I think it best however not to assume that because someone is white or Asian or older or younger that he probably acts like the worst stereotype. The other thing that is best is that you not hide yourself within 24 hours of making a post. It detracts from the credibility of your statement.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    Fridae.asia is Asia's leading gay advocacy and dating website. It's for gay Asian men/women and their interracial admirers. The median age of the Asian members is in the mid-twenties while the median age of the mostly white non-Asian members is in the mid-forties. Other than fetishism and exoticization, what are the possible explanations for such a huge age discrepancy between the two groups?
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Sep 24, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    You sound ultra-paranoid, negative, and angry.

    Just be a man & politely tell the old guys "No Thank You." If you think you're so above dating below your station in life, show us you are capable of doing something about it; other than, complaints.

    Ever think of complimenting these men on their (allegedly) good taste ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    edmirer saidFridae.asia is Asia's leading gay advocacy and dating website. It's for gay Asian men/women and their interracial admirers. The median age of the Asian members is in the mid-twenties while the median age of the mostly white non-Asian members is in the mid-forties. Other than fetishism and exoticization, what are the possible explanations for such a huge age discrepancy between the two groups?


    Some might argue that with age comes wisdom and open-mindedness.

    The phenomenon that the OP describes is definitely real. But I think you're jumping the gun here, pinning all the blame on all those nasty pervy old white men. icon_rolleyes.gif The reverse is true also: a considerable amount of gay Asian men in the US (I can't speak for other countries) chase after white men almost exclusively.

    PS - For someone who despises being fetishized so much, you have a large amount of older white men on your hotlist. icon_idea.gif
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Sep 24, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    SomeSicilianoGuy said
    soulman1969 saidI've experienced it a few times. I've had guys tell me they love latin men, as though I'm some wild game waiting to be captured and tamed.

    Hello. I'm not a fetish.


    Exactly...IMHO fetishizing someones race is a subtle form of racism. My black friends (gay and stricon_cool.gif say they get this allot.


    Uh... Just like fetishizing blonds is... Hairism?

    Being more attracted to one race over another is not racism. It's simple attraction, nothing more.