22 and never been kissed...how pathetic am I?

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    Sep 24, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    I'm pretty sure no one I know really is aware of this about me, but I've never been kissed. By a guy or girl. Ever. I'm 22 years old.

    I've never been in a relationship, and it bothers me. I realize it'll happen when it's time, but I just feel like most "normal" people have at least kissed/made out with someone by the time high school is over. Yet here I am at 22, and I've never even come close to doing it. It's embarrassing, humiliating, and makes me feel like a total loser.

    I've always been confused about my sexuality, and I still kind of am. I am aware of the fact that I'm attracted to men, so I wouldn't say I'm in denial, but there are times where I also feel attracted to girls. I guess my confusion about who I am, has led to me being a bit awkward socially...never had any friends in high school, never went to any parties (I did make a couple of friends senior year, but that was about it). Although most of my time in high school went to shit thanks to being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at the age of 15, and being in the hospital/having surgeries, etc. I was probably out of school, more than I was in it.

    I'd like to think I'm a pretty strong person. I've been through a lot (parents went through a nasty divorce that lasted several years, illness, depression, no friends/loneliness), and I never let any of it take me down. I still feel like after all of that, I'm a pretty well-rounded person. But I just can't get over the fact that at my age I've never even kissed. This isn't about feeling sorry for myself, it just kind of hurts my self-esteem, you know?

    I don't think I'm the most attractive guy out there, but I don't think I'm that hideous. The medications I used to take for my Ulcerative Colitis really took a toll on my health and weight, and I've been struggling ever since to get back to being my healthy self. Thankfully, I no longer have the Ulcerative Colitis though, thanks to the surgeries I had, and I've managed to lose almost 20 pounds since February of this year.

    I guess at this point, even though I'm not "out" or even entirely sure that I'm gay for that matter, I'm just willing to see what happens. If I come across a guy I like, and he's interested in me, maybe something will happen. If the same thing happens with a girl, I'll see where it goes too.

    I just can't get over this resentment toward myself for never putting myself out there, and it's really hard for me to overcome that...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    I didn't have my first boyfriend/gay sexual experience until I was 23.

    Life happens, just go with it.
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    There have been and always will be late bloomers. You're not alone. Don't feel so down. icon_wink.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 24, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    It's not unusual
    There are many like you
    לכל זמן ועת לכל חפץ תחת השׁמים׃
    All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 24, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    I was 25.
    Don't worry.
    You'll probably make up for lost time, just like I did. LOL.
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    You'll be fine. Don't worry. You will find that many gay men are late bloomers also. It's just a social stigma that gay men have to live with. If you really want your first kiss, go for it. Don't be afraid of rejection, because it happens to all of us. No matter how good looking you are.


    And it sounds like you might be bi. Nothing wrong with that.
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    25 - and then boy, did I make up for lost time.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 24, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    Nothing unusual about that. You may feel like you're the only one because like you, others who are going through the same thing are embarrassed to talk about it. Meanwhile, people who hop from one meaningless fling to the next can't seem to stop talking about them.

    I didn't officially lose my virginity until I was 25. Sometimes I think I missed out, but then other times I think it just took that time for me to be ready for intimacy. Without that time to grow and open up, my amateur attempts at intimacy could have been traumatizing.

    I recognize the kind of remorse you're feeling. A certain amount of regret can put the fire under our asses to finally do something we've wanted, but too much obsession over lost time can paralyze us to do anything about it. In other words, you may feel remorse at age 22 for never having been kissed, but don't be so dejected about it that you're telling the same story at age 30, wishing you'd done something back when you were 22.
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    Sep 24, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    You're not pathetic at all and it will benefit you greatly in the long run if you didn't hold that mindset.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    Wow, this is my life story minus two years age ... Hi I'm WaytoDawn, we seem to be soul mates, come here often?icon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif

    Kidding aside, I'm in a similar situation. Never had any relationships or been kissed/kissed anyone, and I'm 20. I always kept my distance because of my inner stuggle with my sexuality so I don't have many (if any) friends either. I don't see myself being able to even start a relationship till I'm at least 24 and starting my own life.
    But I don't see myself as a loser. I've had a hard life too (depression, divorced parents, LOTS of family problems) but I've grown because of it. Do I have regrets in my life, yes, but then we all do.
    What matters most is how you live your future and take advantage of the present. You have regrets? Well make sure next time you don't. Learn. Sometimes that's all life is. Try changing your view on life, see the positive and work to minimize the negative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    Don't worry about it.. Marilyn summed it up in this here video


    [url][/url]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    Never kissed a guy till 23.... maybe you're not ready..Personally i see no problem with that..
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 24, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidDon't worry about it.. Marilyn summed it up in this here video


    [url][/url]

    I just love these old musicals .... I must be gay icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'm going to be 22 in December and I can pretty much guarantee you that I won't be kissed by a girl or guy by then OR be in a relationship.

    Don't feel bad, the pathetic and pity will end when you realize that the important thing isn't how many times it happens but when you find the one person you want to do it with for the rest of your life.

    I'm sure there are guys who have been with girls, guys maybe even married and kissed and had loads of relationships but would trade all of that for the one guy they want to be with forever. We'll find someone eventually, so don't give up hope just give up the feeling that you're pathetic for not doing those things yet.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    First kiss and sexual experience at 24 - and boy did I find out I was horrible at it and therefore did the opposite of making up for lost time by becoming even more reclusive!
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:41 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidFirst kiss and sexual experience at 24 - and boy did I find out I was horrible at it and therefore did the opposite of making up for lost time by becoming even more reclusive!


    Sex God please tell me that's not true! (the being horrible at it part)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    Im sure the fear of catholic church made you prohibit homosexuality !


    Be free ...the church is not bigger than humanity or even the god

    & no-one opposes homosexuality

    (Not talking of catholic church at all)
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    Sep 24, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    Aww don't worry, I'm 21 and still don't have boyfriend. Just relax, you're cute pretty sure someone would give you your first kiss.
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    Sep 24, 2012 10:01 AM GMT
    no worries, we are like virgins, waiting for Madonna to kiss icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 10:06 AM GMT
    Don't worry about it. You are not pathetic
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 10:19 AM GMT
    Don't worry, the time will come. I was a late developer myself, much later than you. If I said the age I'D be embarrassed!!
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    Sep 24, 2012 12:04 PM GMT
    Don't feel so bad, I'm 25 going to be 26 soon in the new year and I'm in the same boat lol.

  • Sep 24, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    (1) Not having a first kiss by your 20s is nothing to be ashamed of
    (2) Don't get hung up on cliches like "you'll never forget your first kiss"
    (3) Do not look back with regret or you or it will consume yourself
    (4) Do not let another guy manipulate you or take advantage of your inexperience
    (5) In the end, if any guy you meet makes you feel bad about your inexperience or lack of a first kiss, that guy isn't for you (and you for him), so you are better off not wasting your time
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    That's not really a big deal, I'm 23 years old, I'm going to be 24 in about 6 weeks time and I've never been kissed. It used to bother me but it doesn't bother me anymore even if I never will be kissed. Life's a bitch.
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    Sep 24, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    not pathetic. i'll be turning 26 this coming year and i've still never been kissed