My Ah Ha Moment and

  • tbwilli11

    Posts: 2

    Sep 24, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    I apologize in advance for the long post. I'm new here and have been reading through the forums feverishly. I have seen some really good advice and encouragement given here so I'm throwing mine in the mix.
    I was contacted by a guy online that had almost the exact profile as me on a site. We were both only interested in meeting people and making friends. I don't do hookups. I wasn't looking for anything other than that because the last couple of years have not been the best for me. We talked at length through email, then text, then talking on the phone for a few days. Friday before last he sent me a text from work asking if I wanted to go out for a few drinks and dinner. I accepted because there's no harm in meeting a new friend for drinks. We met at 7 at a local eatery/bar that has a nice patio so we could sit outside and talk. One of the first topics was that neither of us was looking anything other than friendship. I knew an hour in I wanted to know this guy more. The next thing we knew it was 11 and we decided to leave so we could continue talking. We drove to my place and ended up talking until 5 am the next morning. No, there was no sex. He left around 11 and I figured I'd give him a few days to digest everything before seeing about getting back together. Well, that didn't work. He called at 12 to tell me he was home and that he had a great time. We ended up talking on and off all day Sat. until about 11 pm. Sunday morning he calls and asks if I want to meet him at the beach to hangout. I said sure, We spent a few hours walking and talking and made our way to a little beach front bar to sit down and have a few drinks and listen to the band. I knew that the "friend" thing was out the window for me by this point. We started talking about what was going on and how much time we had spent the last few days communicating and being together. Somewhere in the conversation his "I'm not looking for anything" changed to "I wasn't looking for anything". We ended up at his little local hangout with his friends and I left about 11 pm.
    We got together again Tues and Wednesday. He ended up coming over this past Friday at 11 am and we just spent the entire day/night together and he went home around 4 pm Sat. Yesterday he calls me and asks me to meet him because he wanted to talk to me and didn't want to text or talk about it on the phone.
    Now to the topic of the post. Friday night was the absolute best night of my life by far. I have never in my 45 years been more comfortable, relaxed, at peace, whatever you want to call it. I didn't have a care in the world. There was nothing but us. I think I "exhaled" for the first time. I realized that I was right where I was supposed to be. I knew I was hooked. I have had crushes, relationships, etc. but never has there not been some element of tension, or reluctance, on my part. This guy is significantly younger than me(by 20 years) and is 6 months out of a long relationship with a guy a few years older than myself. He has his own means of support, college educated, goals, ambition and is completely drama free, like myself, avoiding it at all costs.
    So back to last night. I was terrified quite honestly that he was going to say some things I didn't want to hear. Just the opposite. He started spilling everything that I have been feeling myself the last few days. He had almost the exact experience Friday night. I just listened to him as he continued to attempt to explain what he is feeling, the confusion, the fears, etc. I have to admit I'm right there with him almost exactly. He told me he has no interest whatsoever in seeing anyone else and doesn't want me to see anybody else either. I'm there. For the first time I have no doubts about someone. I don't question anything he says or does. No stress around him. All of my inhibitions are gone. Even my affliction towards PDA
    We are both very confused at how to proceed or what the next step is. I've never been in a situation like this before. It was always easy. We know we want to be together. We've spent 7 of the last 9 days together. It feels like it has been months. But thats just it, 9 days and I have the most amazing guy I have ever met telling me he wants to be with me, and I have to admit I feel the same way. It has made realize me that I don't think I have ever really been in love. How could I have been if I haven't felt any of this before? Ever. It's amazing but scary as hell at the same time.
    Do I just throw caution to the wind and go for it? Back off a little? Run for the hills? Am I falling or have I fallen in love with this guy after only a week? I can't get enough. It seems too good to be true, and you know what they say about that. But at the same time he is experiencing the same things and has the same questions. Again, sorry for the novel. Any answers, suggestions, anything?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 6:09 PM GMT

    lol, welcome to our world.

    Our profile is yours to examine, and our brains yours to pick.

    ..and most of all, congratulations. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug and Bill of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    OMG....this most of have taken you a long time to type. Where's the TL;DR brief summary?....
  • booboolv

    Posts: 203

    Sep 24, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    I quote Horace, "Carpe diem" and encourage you to (and you two) to follow your hearts! Without risk there is no reward. This may be THE ONE. Or this may be yet another dreaded learning experience. You can't know if you don't give it a try. He is experienced in relationships with men considerably older, and you're experienced with relationships with men considerably younger. What's the worst that can happen? You end up not having THAT relationship and you learn, grow, and move on.

    I wish I were in your enviable position.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    I say go for it...I mean you two right now are caught up in "The Chemicals" but how else will you know if this is real??..Go for it. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 25, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    Congrats!!

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 25, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    i say step away a little so you can both come up with air. there is nothing wrong with love at first site. however, you still need to see if it isn't lust or is it the real thing. i say you two should learn more about each other before you go further. try to take things a bit slower
  • kyo_gym

    Posts: 2

    Sep 25, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Hi... Every
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    this is my A-Ha moment

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    Sounds as if you are in love, which doesn't happen to often in life. At this point I'd say, to hell with caution and go for it. Enjoy what you have, but keep in mind that things might not always go so smoothly between the two of you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2012 10:37 AM GMT
    Hi mate.

    Hope everything works out for both of you. My relationship started much the same way, we met on line and arranged to meet for a coffee. When we did meet up 4 hours later we stopped talking. After our initial meeting we went on four dates before we even kissed, but there was something there that I never felt before. It all seemed too easy and comfortable, as with yourself, it was as if we had known each other for a longer period of time.

    I was concerned about the age difference, me being 14 years older, I had never dated anyone younger than me before. However after a month or so of hiking trips, meeting for coffee and other purely non-sexual meets, we went to Dublin for a gig and stayed for the weekend.

    We decided after that weekend to give a relationship a try, both of us being open about previous disastrous attempts at same. We agreed to go slowly, to be open and honest about how we were getting on as time went by. We agreed to a "if your thinking it say it" rule; this lead to many an eye opening conversation...who knew I wasn't perfect...but it has helped our relationship to grow.

    I would advise you go for it but be mindful of the pitfalls and pressures that come with new relationships. At 45 you've been around long enough not to run at this like a bull at a gate but to take a more measured response.

    As for himself and I, we've had a great first year, and are now living together. Yeah we have our off days but we talk it out, and never go to sleep annoyed with other.

    Enough about us...best of luck mate enjoy the adventure together.
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    Sep 25, 2012 1:21 PM GMT
    I think the guy above me has it right. Just keep it slow and let it continue to develop. You guys sound like youre really enjoying each others company. Dont ruin it by sprinting to the end. Good luck to the both of you.
  • BarettaB80

    Posts: 141

    Sep 25, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidthis is my A-Ha moment



    You beat me to it!!
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    Sep 25, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    I think this is great!

    For once we have a story about a guy meeting someone, and it actually starting to work out, instead of ending horribly or being up in the air!

    My advice would be to go ahead and start 'dating'. BUT don't change too much. Keep your communication fluid, as it is now, and just go with it.

    Don't stall. Don't rush.

    Basically, just keep what you have going, but feel free to make it official that you're together, and maybe take it to the next level.

    I hope everything works out for you two!
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Sep 25, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    Pull back a bit and go slower. For me, jumping in fast has always led to grief. But giving things time and space to develop almost always benefits the relationship in the long run.
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    Sep 25, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidthis is my A-Ha moment



    Damn, you beat me to it.icon_lol.gif
  • tbwilli11

    Posts: 2

    Sep 26, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the encouragement guys! Been a busy few days and haven't had time to respond. I'm just going with it. We've still seen each other almost daily. He told me last night we need to have a talk. Kind of nervous about that and anxiously waiting for him to let me know when.
    Thanks again, and again I apologize for the extremely long post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:11 PM GMT


    *reading with the fondest of memories*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    Good luck to you. It's a great feeling.

    However, Love is not a feeling. It's an action that takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2012 12:57 AM GMT
    Sound's like love to me. I would say go for it. Its better to have loved than never loved at all.
    I know its cliche, but I would take this in a heartbeat, even if it ended in tragedy. Enjoy the bliss while you can, some people never get to experience that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2012 1:27 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidthis is my A-Ha moment



    The damned video was shorter than the novella written by tbwilli11.

    OP: you are 45 friggin" years old. Do you really need total strangers in cyber space to give you advice?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Ariodante saidthis is my A-Ha moment



    The damned video was shorter than the novella written by tbwilli11.

    OP: you are 45 friggin" years old. Do you really need total strangers in cyber space to give you advice?!


    I just want to give him validation, and inspiration.