OFFICIAL coming out

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    Sep 24, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    So I just got into this new school and I wanted to feel completely comfortable , so I decided to introduce myself from the beginning as a gay man. I've told most people I know so far, lot of girls , so I'm waiting for the gossip phase to start and to end. This is the first time ever that I come out to everyone. Up until now, only my closest friends knew.

    So yeah, I'm really neeervous; especially since there is kind of a macho vibe at the school. A lot of guys want to be TOUGH GUYS. The word " faggot" ( pédé in french) is basically being said all the time , but I seriously don"t get offended anymore.

    But still , this is all new to me , I don"t know how it's gonna be. The worst thing that could happen is that the gossip goes all the way to my parents,and then I'd be in a horrible position. But I'm hoping , since I'm not that popular anyway, that it's not gonna happen.

    Wish me luck guys !!
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    Sep 24, 2012 8:12 PM GMT
    Goodluck and it's amazing that you are so brave to do it!
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    Sep 24, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    Thanks !!
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    Sep 24, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    Being out to your fellow students should give you the strength and support to come out to your family. Good luck and hang in there!
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    Sep 24, 2012 11:51 PM GMT

    Essaye de te faire des amis masculin , cela t'aideras beaucoup , Agis comme un homme et pas comme une jeune fille et tout se passeras bien .
    Bonne chance mon ami !
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    Sep 25, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    neffa said
    Essaye de te faire des amis masculin , cela t'aideras beaucoup , Agis comme un homme et pas comme une jeune fille et tout se passeras bien .
    Bonne chance mon ami !


    Beeen tu sais j'agis comme je suis . Je ne suis pas efféminé mais je suis pas macho non plus. Je veux rien forcer non plus ^^
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    Sep 25, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    I admire your courage. Good luck to you!!
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    Sep 25, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    What an uphill situation you're in! I would let myself be out to a few people at school, but you don't have to tell everyone. No need to make it harder on yourself if you push onto people. You seem like you're dealing with old fashioned thinkers... you may want to take it slow, unless it is normal for most gays in your country to be a bit radical... I'd wait until I was financially independent and had a network of friends I could depend on in a time of need, before I'd come out in your situation. If you get kicked out you'll be on the streets, and without few choices on how to get stable. Take it easy, take care of yourself, talk to guys and make friends and maybe a boyfriend, and you'll be okay. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    Congrats to you. I'm doing the same year. Its all about being comfortable with yourself.
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    JR_RJ saidWhat an uphill situation you're in! I would let myself be out to a few people at school, but you don't have to tell everyone. No need to make it harder on yourself if you push onto people. You seem like you're dealing with old fashioned thinkers... you may want to take it slow, unless it is normal for most gays in your country to be a bit radical... I'd wait until I was financially independent and had a network of friends I could depend on in a time of need, before I'd come out in your situation. If you get kicked out you'll be on the streets, and without few choices on how to get stable. Take it easy, take care of yourself, talk to guys and make friends and maybe a boyfriend, and you'll be okay. icon_wink.gif


    Well , you know I don't walk around with the rainbow flag , but I just decided that from now on , I wasn't going to lie about my sexuality, cause I don't want to feel like I'm carrying a load anymore, like I'm hiding something cause then you really start feeling like a wrongdoer. Last year, it was one of the reasons I got depressed and stopped caring about anything.
    I don't live with my parents. I'm in France, they're in Morocco. But I do depend on them financially. I don't think the news will travel all the way there. There can be rumors, but there are always rumors.
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:18 PM GMT


    LIKE!
  • Medjai

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    Sep 25, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    I'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidWell , you know I don't walk around with the rainbow flag , but I just decided that from now on , I wasn't going to lie about my sexuality, cause I don't want to feel like I'm carrying a load anymore, like I'm hiding something cause then you really start feeling like a wrongdoer. Last year, it was one of the reasons I got depressed and stopped caring about anything.
    I don't live with my parents. I'm in France, they're in Morocco. But I do depend on them financially. I don't think the news will travel all the way there. There can be rumors, but there are always rumors.

    Good for you! That's the best way to do it, imho*. Financial independence is necessary for you then. If you can work to save your own money on the side of what you're getting from them, you should be fine if they should cut you off. Just in case.
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    Medjai saidI'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.

    I had no idea I had such influence over your life? icon_neutral.gif

    Get me a sammich. icon_biggrin.gif

    Please. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    Medjai saidI'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.


    problem , buddy ? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Sep 25, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    Saad22 said
    Medjai saidI'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.


    problem , buddy ? icon_biggrin.gif


    I just think its a stupid idea. First, it's forcing there's to define you by something so small. First impressions are huge, and bringing it up right off the bat will influence things to a huge degree. And in a school with the environment described, it doesn't see safe. It's asking for trouble. While any subsequent issues may not be directly your fault, look back on this and think if you made things a hell of a lot harder for yourself.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 25, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    Saad22 said
    Medjai saidI'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.


    problem , buddy ? icon_biggrin.gif


    I just think its a stupid idea. First, it's forcing there's to define you by something so small. First impressions are huge, and bringing it up right off the bat will influence things to a huge degree. And in a school with the environment described, it doesn't see safe. It's asking for trouble. While any subsequent issues may not be directly your fault, look back on this and think if you made things a hell of a lot harder for yourself.


    Weak!!!! Medjai's advice it to be weak!!!!!

    Everyone should have the courage to stand up for the themselves and command respect. If you want to hide and cower at the thought of being beat up, then go for it, but don't tell others to do the same. There are many gay people who don't have the luxury of hiding, because people can tell they're gay. If more "straight acting" douches would come out, then all the femme boys wouldn't have to take the brunt of homophobia.
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    Sep 25, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    Saad22 said
    Medjai saidI'm going to start introducing myself with irrelevant information too, since everyone seems to think its a brave thing.


    problem , buddy ? icon_biggrin.gif


    I just think its a stupid idea. First, it's forcing there's to define you by something so small. First impressions are huge, and bringing it up right off the bat will influence things to a huge degree. And in a school with the environment described, it doesn't see safe. It's asking for trouble. While any subsequent issues may not be directly your fault, look back on this and think if you made things a hell of a lot harder for yourself.


    1) There's one essential thing that you should keep int mind. When you don't say you're gay, MOST people ASSUME you're straight. So , by stating that you're gay, you're simply making it clear you're not straight JUST IN CASE the person you're speaking to has a problem with gay people ( and if we're being realistic, a large portion of the population everywhere still does).
    So I'm sorry but it's not an irrelevant information. It would be in a society where no one has any prejudice whatsoever about homosexuality, then saying you're gay would be like saying you like apples. But we aren't at this stage yet, so it's a little idealistic in my opinion to think like that.

    2) I don't care about the environment of the school. It's France , for god's sake ! I come from Morocco, a country where homosexuality is still punishable by law. So I'm not gonna be intimidated by a bunch of spoiled rich kids ( who only represent a group among many others at the school but who are generally the most popular).
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    Sep 25, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    Best of luck to you! Sexuality is may or not be a critically defining characteristic of who you are, but it will come into play eventually and while your move to be open and honest about who you are may make some situations more difficult, it will also more than likely remove you from just as awkward situations such as dating and relations.

    Regarding first impressions... I think Medjai's heart is in the right place, but what's good about a false first impression? So you stay in the closet and get chummy with the macho crowd. How much self loathing are you expected to endure while they toss around bigoted words in front of you thinking that you're in solidarity with their ignorant point of view? You're bound to have more satisfaction from the relationships that you foster with your classmates simply because they are based on who you are rather than an fake outer shell that you hide inside of.

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    Sep 25, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    were wit u all the way bro...wish i had the guts to do wat u r doing.....
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    Sep 25, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    Ravco saidBest of luck to you! Sexuality is may or not be a critically defining characteristic of who you are, but it will come into play eventually and while your move to be open and honest about who you are may make some situations more difficult, it will also more than likely remove you from just as awkward situations such as dating and relations.

    Regarding first impressions... I think Medjai's heart is in the right place, but what's good about a false first impression? So you stay in the closet and get chummy with the macho crowd. How much self loathing are you expected to endure while they toss around bigoted words in front of you thinking that you're in solidarity with their ignorant point of view? You're bound to have more satisfaction from the relationships that you foster with your classmates simply because they are based on who you are rather than an fake outer shell that you hide inside of.



    Thank you for expressing so well what I struggled to put into words icon_smile.gif

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    Sep 25, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    Medjai said, "First, it's forcing there's to define you by something so small."

    ...consider that the human brain weighs only about three pounds, yet curiously we are defined by it. icon_wink.gif

    Gay is about who and how you love. and love is something powerful enough to completely change your world.

    warmly,
    -Doug
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    Sep 25, 2012 9:24 PM GMT
    Could be positive since everyone will know you're gay and you could build a gay friend base.. could be negative as well, be careful.
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    Sep 26, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    I hope things work out for you man.. icon_biggrin.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 26, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    It doesn't get any easier if you hold out until later in life. Go for it babe. You'll elliminate decades of anxiety and self-doubt, and fear. Now you'll KNOW who your enemies are instead of suspecting everyone. That's a good start at being out and gay.