My First Rant.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Ok. I have been reading these forums for a few months now and I am becoming very comfortable with who I am and my sexuality. I have talked to a lot of guys on this (from simple chats to extended conversations) and I have noticed the same thing when it comes to dating and sex.

    Personally from what I've read and heard, gay men - generally speaking - seem to be cold-hearted. They only want you from sex and they will try to bs you and flirt with you, and will unfortunately lie to your face to either get the dick or bj.

    At the beginning, I know a lot of gay go out with the intention of trying to find a reliable bf. We all have experienced that loneliness growing up and wanting to feel accepted, that is where our downfall is. People go into the gay world with an optimistic feeling, but it isn't what it seems. Guys on here said they have become more stubborn and jaded ever since meeting guys.

    Most recently, a guy tried to use me for sex. He was flirting with me and etc. and I kept a straight face the whole time. We kissed for a little bit and I stopped him saying it isn't right, we are better as friends. I wasn't saying that to give him the impression of "no I don't like you", I was being kind because we were talking a lot for the 2 days before and he was wanting to see me. After that kiss, he barely talked to me. I became frustrated, because the one thing I hate is being used like a commodity. Tonight, I went straight up to his dorm room and outed him for all this. I tore him to shreads with my accusations and I implored about why he would do that when I was being truthful. He started to cry a bit and said that he has been a jerk and he has been put in the same position before so he knows how it feels.

    ^ A lot have been in this same position. This situation sucks and it makes me angry towards gay society. Even when someone has been emotionally taken advantage of, he still continues to do that to someone else. That isn't right. I feel like I am the only one who keeps my own moral code. I know I don't want to hookup and I make that clear, I don't seduce, but other people state the "I don't hookup" to persuade people in getting to know him more and then seduce.

    I'm new to the gay world and I am seeing how it is a terrible place. I met the PR guy for the Center on Halsted and he even said how the gay community s a judgmental place and not as welcoming as others may seem.

    So I guess what am asking is...why do you guys think its right to lure new people in the gay scene only to take advantage of them? How the hell are you suppose to help the image of the gay community by doing that? The general public already thinks of the gay community as a whore house with guys only wanting a dick up their asses, why not prove them wrong?

    That's my rant...obviously I'm a bit p/o.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    I hope this ONE experience doesn't make you bitter. Hopefully you won't develop any trust issues. And hopefully you won't get frustrated to the point where you proclaim that you're no longer gay and start chasing girls, like a handful of former members on this site have done. You think gay guys play games? Trust me, it's just as bad or even worse in the straight world.

    My advice to you is to not focus so much on finding a boyfriend. The puppy love emotions cloud your judgement, and you set yourself up for disappointment. Since you're new to all this, I suggest concentrating on getting to know yourself and being more comfortable with your sexuality. Focus on meeting new people and making friends. Join gay clubs and activity groups, or volunteer for gay non-profits, or whatever. From my observation/experience, the best relationships come from the best friendships. Not saying that every friend is a potential boyfriend. But when you meet people without any expectations of sex/romance, you get to know them much better.

    Sure you're going to hear some negative things about other gays, but that doesn't mean all gays are like that. Get out there and live your life the best you can, and try not to focus on the bad stuff. Otherwise, you're just going to turn into one of those bitter self-loathing gays. You're 19 years old! Get out there and experience life! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 5:49 AM GMT
    I can't confirm or deny any of this, since I'm not out in the community yet. I think everything like this happens because people have so many problems accepting themselved. Whether its trying to get the power back, or just being a slut, we are all messed up by our past or parents and sometimes even ourselves.
    Sometimes people do things to other people just because it was done to them. Others don't really care about the gay community and how they reflect it, they're just looking for fun in whatever twisted form it comes in.
    I haven't even talked to a gay guy in person before, but I am hopeful that I can overcome all this crap and find a guy that's not only my best friend but my soul-mate.

    I hope that even after all you've been through you don't lose hope in everyone just because of a few bad apples.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI hope this ONE experience doesn't make you bitter. Hopefully you won't develop any trust issues. And hopefully you won't get frustrated to the point where you proclaim that you're no longer gay and start chasing girls, like a handful of former members on this site have done. You think gay guys play games? Trust me, it's just as bad or even worse in the straight world.

    My advice to you is to not focus so much on finding a boyfriend. The puppy love emotions cloud your judgement, and you set yourself up for disappointment. Since you're new to all this, I suggest concentrating on getting to know yourself and being more comfortable with your sexuality. Focus on meeting new people and making friends. Join gay clubs and activity groups, or volunteer for gay non-profits, or whatever. From my observation/experience, the best relationships come from the best friendships. Not saying that every friend is a potential boyfriend. But when you meet people without any expectations of sex/romance, you get to know them much better.

    Sure you're going to hear some negative things about other gays, but that doesn't mean all gays are like that. Get out there and live your life the best you can, and try not to focus on the bad stuff. Otherwise, you're just going to turn into one of those bitter self-loathing gays. You're 19 years old! Get out there and experience life! icon_cool.gif


    OH I wasn't expecting to be his bf at all nor looking for love
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 27, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    There are a lot of issues you touched on in there, and to avoid writing an essay, I'm just going to gloss over a bit. Yes, there is a lot of manipulation and superficiality in the gay community. I attribute that to the fact that the community started as a counter-culture, so in some ways being gay was like being a rebel, and that meant unbridled, consequence-free gay sex.

    No, you don't have to play into it, of course. There's a shift underway in which more gay people, after having distinguished themselves from the rest of society, are trying to re-assimilate traditional institutions (monogamy, marriage, family). That's not to say that these things are "good" and those things are "bad", but for someone like yourself who wants a more traditional lifestyle (as I do), it's going to take time.

    I too have grown weary of my local community and have slowed waaaay down in terms of clubbing, hooking up, etc. I'm just going to keep looking for what I want long-term and maintain my own code of courtesy and morality. You should too. Stay strong, brotha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    OP is projecting..
    ..Tons of wonderful gay guys out there....finding them is a bit of an art..
    ..Example...The guys above me ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^..Spectacular men...

    ..If you find the guy you are interacting with is a jerk..it really doesn't mean everyone else is..!!

    ..Did you say "Lure"..icon_confused.gif
    ..Cheer up..choose better men..!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 1:50 PM GMT


    "Most recently, a guy tried to use me for sex. He was flirting with me and etc. and I kept a straight face the whole time. We kissed for a little bit and I stopped him saying it isn't right, we are better as friends. I wasn't saying that to give him the impression of "no I don't like you", I was being kind because we were talking a lot for the 2 days before and he was wanting to see me. After that kiss, he barely talked to me. I became frustrated, because the one thing I hate is being used like a commodity. Tonight, I went straight up to his dorm room and outed him for all this. I tore him to shreads with my accusations and I implored about why he would do that when I was being truthful. He started to cry a bit and said that he has been a jerk and he has been put in the same position before so he knows how it feels."

    Well...he liked you; kissing is often more than solely a sexual gesture. You were being kind by going ahead with it, but consider that he withdrew because he may have been able to tell you're not interested 'that way'. That he cried when confronted is an indicator to me that he has feelings for you.

    Tearing into someone (rather than exploring why they did what they did and asking questions) can be interpreted as cold-hearted as well. icon_wink.gif

    This is my thinking based solely on what you've said here.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 1:54 PM GMT

    " and will unfortunately lie to your face to either get the dick or bj."

    A younger man we're very fond of once opined that lying is the only protection gay people have in unfriendly or gay-hostile environments, so the habit is hard to break. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidOk. I have been reading these forums for a few months now and I am becoming very comfortable with who I am and my sexuality. I have talked to a lot of guys on this (from simple chats to extended conversations) and I have noticed the same thing when it comes to dating and sex.

    Personally from what I've read and heard, gay men - generally speaking - seem to be cold-hearted. They only want you for sex and they will try to bs you and flirt with you, and will unfortunately lie to your face to either get the dick or bj.

    At the beginning, I know a lot of gay go out with the intention of trying to find a reliable bf. We all have experienced that loneliness growing up and wanting to feel accepted, that is where our downfall is. People go into the gay world with an optimistic feeling, but it isn't what it seems. Guys on here said they have become more stubborn and jaded ever since meeting guys.

    Most recently, a guy tried to use me for sex. He was flirting with me and etc. and I kept a straight face the whole time. We kissed for a little bit and I stopped him saying it isn't right, we are better as friends. I wasn't saying that to give him the impression of "no I don't like you", I was being kind because we were talking a lot for the 2 days before and he was wanting to see me. After that kiss, he barely talked to me. I became frustrated, because the one thing I hate is being used like a commodity. Tonight, I went straight up to his dorm room and outed him for all this. I tore him to shreads with my accusations and I implored about why he would do that when I was being truthful. He started to cry a bit and said that he has been a jerk and he has been put in the same position before so he knows how it feels.

    ^ A lot have been in this same position. This situation sucks and it makes me angry towards gay society. Even when someone has been emotionally taken advantage of, he still continues to do that to someone else. That isn't right. I feel like I am the only one who keeps my own moral code. I know I don't want to hookup and I make that clear, I don't seduce, but other people state the "I don't hookup" to persuade people in getting to know him more and then seduce.

    I'm new to the gay world and I am seeing how it is a terrible place. I met the PR guy for the Center on Halsted and he even said how the gay community s a judgmental place and not as welcoming as others may seem.

    So I guess what am asking is...why do you guys think its right to lure new people in the gay scene only to take advantage of them? How the hell are you suppose to help the image of the gay community by doing that? The general public already thinks of the gay community as a whore house with guys only wanting a dick up their asses, why not prove them wrong?

    That's my rant...obviously I'm a bit p/o.


    So it's not okay for him to use you for his purposes but it is okay for you to use him for your purposes? Is moralizing reserved only for sex? Or if you are using him for conversation, to bounce ideas off, for some mental masterbation, to feed your own ego, to satisfy your need to care for others, looking for a place to crash for free, a father figure, someone to abuse, someone to place on a pedestal, is that using too? How about inflicting emotional manipulations upon others, would it be okay if we moralize about that?

    Life isn't really ever complete until we expand our judgmentalism into every aspect of humanity. It just seems so cheap and narrow minded to isolate it only to sex.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Sep 27, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 said
    So I guess what am asking is...why do you guys think its right to lure new people in the gay scene only to take advantage of them?



    Hmmmm...this is a cop out. No one lured you anywhere you probably didn't want to go already. We all make our own choices. No one else is responsible for you finding your own happiness and comfort zone but yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    Ummm... You may have the best intentions, but telling anyone (boy or girl, straight or gay) that you are better off as friends is generally considered a rejection. Generally, the person who has been rejected expects you to disappear into thin air, the offer of friendship generally being considered a "kind" way of "not hurting one's feelings."

    I am sorry to say, but the impression I get is that your ignorance of dating lingo and convention may have made you the jerk here.

    As far as the community at large is concerned: I know plenty asswipes in the gay community, but I also know many of the most caring and loving people. Which ones you meet depends on where and when you look for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    To clear things up, I said from the beginning I told him I don't want to rush things but get to know him more and the thing is after we kissed he acted like he forgot who I was, no text or anything. Even before we started chatting he was asking "oh when are you alone" and he sent me a pic randomly of him without a shirt so I feel like it is natural to assume what he wants with me.

    The thing is he lied to me and said he isn't like that and doesn't like to do random hu when he seems to do that. When I confronted him I found the real truth. I did not yell at him AT ALL. I asked him "why he would use me as a commodity when I was very clear with him from the beginning" I called him a slut when he kept on giving me bs answers and answers that contradicted from earlier statements.
  • charmr

    Posts: 233

    Sep 27, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidOP is projecting..
    ..Tons of wonderful gay guys out there....finding them is a bit of an art..
    ..Example...The guys above me ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^..Spectacular men...

    ..If you find the guy you are interacting with is a jerk..it really doesn't mean everyone else is..!!

    ..Did you say "Lure"..icon_confused.gif
    ..Cheer up..choose better men..!!


    Mitt Romney, in admitting that to make his money, he rejected 250 companies for every one he "adopted", said: "There are thousands of deals out there --- most of them bad". It's true in the gay community too. We have to pick and choose. That's Mitt's key to success. The trouble with Mitt is that the presidency DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. The president cannot pick and choose. He has to face and resolve EVERY PROBLEM THAT COMES HIS WAY. That's where Mitt will fail if he's elected.