Is it a bad idea to hookup on your first date when you genuinely like the person and you're looking for something long term?

  • JD44

    Posts: 15

    Sep 27, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    Is it a bad idea to hookup on your first date when you genuinely like the person and you're looking for something long term?

    Any words from the wise?
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    JD44 saidIs it a bad idea to hookup on your first date when you genuinely like the person and you're looking for something long term?

    Any words from the wise?


    Ummm yes and no.

    If you genuinly still like him even after the hu, still go after him. Sit him down in a nice setting and apologize for the hookup and make sure you let him know you still want to get to know him more than just in bed and that you are dedicated.
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    I don't see a problem with it. If it feels right do it. We aren't Victorian women. The real test will be if he likes you back. Doesn't matter how good the sex is. Can't make someone like you...
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    We can genuinely like someone outside of immediate sex. Anyone can control their sexual impulses. Ultimately the choice is yours, & his of course.

    I personally wouldn't do it so soon. Would he ? Will you two be the only pair to like one another ? Suppose he likes someone else during the "getting to know one another" process, is he also going to bed them too on the first date ?
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    If the sex is bad, yes.
    If the sex is mindblowingly good, he might not be able to think about anything else (so maybe).

    Find that sweet spot between bad sex and super amazing windowing sex. Then you still have a shot at a relationship.
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    Sep 27, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    I say Bad Idea..!!
    ..Date..see if he is "A worthy contender"..and keep building from there..!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 27, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidI don't see a problem with it. If it feels right do it. We aren't Victorian women. The real test will be if he likes you back. Doesn't matter how good the sex is. Can't make someone like you...





    Wise Words.





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  • Road89

    Posts: 104

    Sep 27, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    Yes it is. Sex is very symbolic - IMO. Holding out on sex, to me, is symbolic of the idea that the two people care enough about each other to wait. When you build a relationship on all the other important values (trust, respect, honesty, [real]love, acceptance, sacrifice, etc...) you will have a strong foundation to your relationship which will land you with a long term relationship and possibly your life partner. When you give up sex too quick, you might as well be out dating just to hook-up because, without a solid foundation in a relationship, sex is quite detrimental to any hope of a long-term relationship. So, in my opinion and through my own experience, if you are really looking for something serious, the sex can wait until well after the first date. Don't give yourself away to easy and so soon - you have value!

    ~Road
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 27, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    Waterboy saidYes it is. Sex is very symbolic - IMO. Holding out on sex, to me, is symbolic of the idea that the two people care enough about each other to wait. When you build a relationship on all the other important values (trust, respect, honesty, [real]love, acceptance, sacrifice, etc...) you will have a strong foundation to your relationship which will land you with a long term relationship and possibly your life partner. When you give up sex too quick, you might as well be out dating just to hook-up because, without a solid foundation in a relationship, sex is quite detrimental to any hope of a long-term relationship. So, in my opinion and through my own experience, if you are really looking for something serious, the sex can wait until well after the first date. Don't give yourself away to easy and so soon - you have value!

    ~Road







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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    JD44 saidIs it a bad idea to hookup on your first date when you genuinely like the person and you're looking for something long term?

    Any words from the wise?


    There's nothing wrong with establishing an emotional bond before attempting a sexual one. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 27, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    If he and you are feeling it, then do it. The more relevant question, however, is whether he's also looking for something long-term. If your expectations are materially divergent from his expectations, then you need to rethink this. Personally, my approach is unique in that I prefer to have an intimate encounter first to see if there's sexual/physical chemistry, then date later if sex is reasonably good.
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    Sep 27, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    Depends on the type of person you are.

    If you're the type who keeps falling in love and getting rejected and then becomes clingy etc etc etc. Then very bad idea. But also consider, are you ready for the next week when he blows you off?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 27, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say it's bad. It could just get in the way getting to know the person.
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    Sep 27, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    If you both want it, then go for it. My husband and I hooked up the first night, and we've been together ever since. That was 13 years ago. Stop overanalyzing everything.
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    Sep 27, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    SourceFour saidIf you both want it, then go for it. My husband and I hooked up the first night, and we've been together ever since. That was 13 years ago. Stop overanalyzing everything.

    This right here.
    Sometimes you hook up and it means something, sometimes you just come and go.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 27, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    JD44 saidIs it a bad idea to hookup on your first date when you genuinely like the person and you're looking for something long term?

    Any words from the wise?


    I'm very tempted to say Yes, although personally I prefer to hit the ground running with the sexual connection and then see if there's something long term. But lately, I've been finding out many men that want to date traditionally and they think you're a whore for wanting to fuck right off the bat. Or they think you 'used' them for sex. Bah! So now I'm thinking the next time I meet someone that has relationship potential, I won't fuck him right from the start.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 27, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    why buy the cow when grindr has a lot of bacon?
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    May I suggest a long evening that involves dinner and a non-sexual activity where you can get to know one another first, before jumping in the sack? The only reason you would wait for the second date is if one of you believes in the myth that sex on the first date jinxes everything. I don't think that it does, but it means a lot more if I am reasonably certain that I at least like the person I've having sex with.
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    Nivek saidMay I suggest a long evening that involves dinner and a non-sexual activity where you can get to know one another first, before jumping in the sack? The only reason you would wait for the second date is if one of you believes in the myth that sex on the first date jinxes everything. I don't think that it does, but it means a lot more if I am reasonably certain that I at least like the person I've having sex with.


    That's how it went with us. However, you're right in that sex on the first date does not equal auto-jinx. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    Nooo no noo no nononononon NO!

    tumblr_m5uacdnbfN1qf8hnio1_500.gif

    for me I would never make or try or hint towards a hookup especially for a first date!, but ill be happy enough to built the hype to it thats all, even if he is so super irresistible! Second date then maybe.

    PS : you still have Imagination to run! icon_razz.gif

    Man!?? what were you thinking.... long term!!!
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:50 PM GMT
    As in lending money to a friend, you soon realize how much your friendship is worth.
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    Sep 27, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    In my opinion, if you really want to see if you can start a relationship, I'd say no. Getting to know someone by dating allows you to see them, their personality, their emotional side and the physical exterior before experiencing the sexual side. I think dating is a lost art that has a LOT of value when trying to establish a relationship. Consider it like going out to eat your favorite meal, if you eat the favorite thing first, they how satisfying is the rest of the meal? If you simply work around it, build up the anticipation then savor it over time after having enjoyed some of the rest of the meal, you end up enjoying the entire meal, not just the favorite part. OK, lame analogy but you get what I mean. Savor him by dating and getting to know who HE is, not just his dick. That will allow you to know if you want to go further or if he's really not what you expected.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Sep 27, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    why should it be a problem ,i know many will say its better to wait ,to develop feelings and commitment ect, but if there is attraction ,why not?
    [btw,its a question i always asked myself]
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:52 PM GMT
    Although there's some validity to the question, how can you know enough about someone after one date to already be considering him for the long term?

    If he see's you as merely a conquest, it won't matter when you hookup. He will be gone after that.

    Just be straight forward and say during the first date, before you hookup, "Would you like to go on a second date?" and if there's a solid positive response, then plan it, and hookup, if you both want to, to see if there's compatibility there.

    The important thing is to listen carefully to what he says and how he says it. Don't assume what he meant to say, ask and verify if what you heard is what he meant.

    If he says: "I like guys with dark hair." Unless you ask, you won't know whether he means:
    "I only like guys with dark hair."
    or
    "I like guys with dark hair, light hair, or no hair."
    or
    "I like guys that are hairy."
    or
    "Hair color is of little importance to me so, sure, there are as many guys I like with dark hair, as there are guys I hate with dark hair."
    or
    "I'll say whatever I have to, whether it's true or not, to hook up with you tonight."

  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Sep 27, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    If you both want to be together and are willing to put in the work, sex on the first date is not going to stop you.