Not dating women -- how sure a sign that a dude's gay?

  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 27, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    My first topic ever, yea! It's probably been done, but who in this world is original anyway?

    So I just heard yesterday through the gossip chain that a good friend of mine of many years is full-throttle gay. Just to be clear, this is not a rumor; my friend confessed it to my source. I have to admit I was surprised; this guy is so uptight and ... shall we say ... self-disciplined? ... that I never pictured him engaging in "taboo" sexual activity. Yeah yeah, I already hear ya, his personality has nothing to do with his orientation, but I guess what I'm saying is that in the world of gaydar, this guy was a B2 stealth bomber.

    In retrospect though, in the many years I've known him, he NEVER went on dates with women. Now I'm a nerdy guy with tons of nerdy friends, so I've been hesitant to let this kind of thing ping my gaydar in the past. Nerds are marginally better at getting dates with women than closeted gay men. But now I'm starting to wonder: should I be paying closer attention to those friends who never seem to be actively looking for women to date? I know it's a dumb generalization; some people are just shy and awkward, but I'm starting to wonder if I'd be right more often than I'm wrong.

    What's your experience? Should men who haven't had dates with women for years be automatic suspects? Or is it more likely they're just busy, shy, socially inept, or asexual? How much credibility do you give to this kind of evidence at face value?
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    Sep 27, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidWhat's your experience? Should men who haven't had dates with women for years be automatic suspects? Or is it more likely they're just busy, shy, socially inept, or asexual? How much credibility do you give to this kind of evidence at face value?


    Busy, shy, socially inept and asexual are all possibilities. But in my personal experience, the couple of guys I've known who were like this both eventually came out.
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    Sep 27, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    George..I have seen questionable behaviour with some of my straight friends..I shut my mouth and pretend not to notice.. here's why

    ..I have a really cool group of straight friends..My sexuality has never been an issue with them, we tend to just focus on life..and "Us" as friends..

    ..Till one of my straight friends comes up to me and says.."I'm gay/Bi"..
    Then i'll address the issue..Live and let live i guess??
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    Sep 27, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    Just tell him you think he's gay and you want to be his "first."
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 27, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Oh I'm not interested in jumping on him or anything. This is more of an academic question, the neverending quest to hone one's gaydar. I'm always happily surprised when someone catches me off-guard, but then I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't see the signs.
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    Sep 27, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidOh I'm not interested in jumping on him or anything. This is more of an academic question, the neverending quest to hone one's gaydar. I'm always happily surprised when someone catches me off-guard, but then I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't see the signs.

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Maybe you didn't need to or want to see it??
    Maybe you were caught up in their awesomeness? (or yours?) icon_biggrin.gif