FML Just found out my parents think gay people aren't normal

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    Sep 27, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    The lesbian Chinese woman with the millionaire father came on the new and firstly out of anyone my grandma was the first one to say how fucked up that lesbian chick is and how she should listen to her dad and be normal. Then my dad joined in and after his rant my mom on how kids never listen, screw up their lives and be gay. I was expecting it out of my dad but I never knew my granny was that homophobic.

    So it's official if I come out to my parents, they'll remove me from their lives. Anyone have any tips how to handle this? I will be trying to work as a personal trainer in Toronto, hopefully near the church area in a year. I'll also try to move nearby there too, but in the mean while anyone have any advice, or am I just screwed?
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    It's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 27, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    I have yet to meet anyone normal.
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidIt's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.


    Yes, but I'm not independent atm. If I'd come out I'd lose all of my possessions.
    Kind of hard to be independent when you don't even have cloths to wear to work and job interviews.
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    Gym_bull said
    Scruffypup saidIt's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.


    Yes, but I'm not independent atm. If I'd come out I'd lose all of my possessions.
    Kind of hard to be independent when you don't even have cloths to wear to work and job interviews.



    Do you know for a fact they would disown you or is it possible you're doing a little mind reading there?
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:30 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Gym_bull said
    Scruffypup saidIt's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.


    Yes, but I'm not independent atm. If I'd come out I'd lose all of my possessions.
    Kind of hard to be independent when you don't even have cloths to wear to work and job interviews.



    Do you know for a fact they would disown you or are you maybe doing a little mind reading there?


    Considering what they just said about that lesbian Chinese chick I'm 100% sure they'll disown me. They do not want me to be gay, they'll see it as a disease and force me to go through crazy medical shit to be straight or they'll kick me out of the house. "their house their rules".
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:30 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidIt's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.


    This totally!! Now you know why im in love with Scruffy... icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:34 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidPrejudice against some nameless freak (you're not related to) =/= prejudice against your own blood, that you know and love so well....just ask Dick Cheney. icon_wink.gif

    Bottom line, at some point you'll have to do this. And you'll do it for yourself. You'll do it with pride in who you are, knowing you're not some faceless deviant set upon world destruction or perverting your community ---none of that shit will wash, because you know what's in your heart. Your parents (and granny) will either love you for being the high-integrity, beautiful young man they spent years raising....or they won't. It doesn't actually impact YOUR bright future though ---you're going to become the man they helped you grow up to be whether they're along for the ride or not. Most choose to come along for the ride (it's easier to change your mind than to spit out more kids).

    There is one time to be selfish: and it's deciding to be who you are. "To thine own self be true", et al....I doubt they raised you to be any other way.

    Your life is about you.....if they want to be a part of it, they need to understand that. And there's no negotiation....you are who you ARE.

    But don't worry about it....when the time is right, you'll be like a chick pecking its way out of its shell....the need to get out of that shell will supersede any other concerns.


    My parents force me each and every day to live how they see fit. I had a major argument about not going into information technology and going towards health and fitness. In my parent's eyes that makes me a failure and a freak. I'm not massive atm, but I'm apparently freaky huge to my parents, and still a child making mistakes for not getting a job with computers.
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    Dan Savage used to say that every gay person should come out and not be a coward. He once counseled a young adult to come out and said his parents probably knew anyway. The young gay man, financially dependent on his parents, was thrown out of his house. Dan Savage admits he made a mistake. He still believes that every gay person should be out, but now says those still dependent on their parents should wait until they are able to survive on their own. I agree with him on this. It might sound selfish, but so what. I hate to advise young people to not come out, but for a few it is temporarily the best option. You need to do what it takes to survive. Living on the streets is not the way. Work to become financially independent and then come out.
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    OP..How have you been screwing up your parent's lives??..It seems as if you've been putting your life together nicely..!

    ..Maybe you might have to wait till you move out.. ?
    In the mean time..keep aiming for your independence...and i hope it works out..!!
  • Import

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    Sep 27, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    Canadians are a very tolerant lot.
    I think ur parents will come around.

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    Sep 27, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    Gym_bull said
    Scruffypup said
    Gym_bull said
    Scruffypup saidIt's easier said than done, but you just have to come out and let the chips fall where they may. We both know your secret will come out eventually, so it's better to get it behind you while you're young. Living a lie is not living. Just remember that coming out is not something you do for acceptance....you do it so you can live an honest life.


    Yes, but I'm not independent atm. If I'd come out I'd lose all of my possessions.
    Kind of hard to be independent when you don't even have cloths to wear to work and job interviews.



    Do you know for a fact they would disown you or are you maybe doing a little mind reading there?


    Considering what they just said about that lesbian Chinese chick I'm 100% sure they'll disown me. They do not want me to be gay, they'll see it as a disease and force me to go through crazy medical shit to be straight or they'll kick me out of the house. "their house their rules".



    You have a good point. In this case, forget my previous advice (for now). But plan on having that conversation in the near future, the moment you get out of their house. As uncomfortable as it may be, you may have little choice but to bite your tongue until you're out of there. Sorry you're having to go through this.
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    Sep 27, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    I know the feeling. Honestly, even though I'm on the fence whether coming out to them would result in me being disowned (some days it seems like it others, not so much) I just feel more comfortable starting my own life before stating it or at least getting myself ready to take care of myself in case things go awry.

    Maybe you can like get them to calm down on their hate of gays, like I did. I'd watch glee except when they were around or nearby, I'd kinda just put it to the parts where you'd feel for the gay characters or something along those lines. Before my bro used to hate gays and used to complain when they'd see them on TV, but after a few of those suggestive parts of glee they actually aren't really against them... at least the characters on glee that are gay.

    Oh and another one I did was Degrassi had a gay character, and this one is luck, my bros are huge fans of Drake and in the show he actually was very supportive of his gay friend so that kind of helped influence my bros a bit to at least tolerate it.

    I have no idea if they'd tolerate their brother being gay, but progress is progress I suppose. From where they were to where they are now is a huge leap. Maybe you can do something similar with your parents, goodluck!
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    Sep 28, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    Id be extremely cautious about coming out, while being completely dependent on your parents. In truth you have no real way of knowing how theyll react. It may be beneficial to wait until youre in a position to adequately deal with the consequences should things go poorly. In the meantime Id just keep doing what youre doing. Go to school, meet new friends (who you can be you around) and avoid awkward discussions with the parentals. As long as the closet isnt closing in on you and making you miserable, focus on your studies and becoming independent.