Is he gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    I am posting on this website for the first time, I am attracted to my roommate's friend and I think he is gay, I am not out to my roommate and not to his friend. My roommate (who I dont find attractive at all) became friends with this guy Sam like 6-8 months ago, I had seen Sam at the gym before my roommate became friends with him, one day my roommate came home with Sam and introduced me to him and Sam said that he had seen me at the gym and that I have a nice body (I dont, I am ok), he is from India and in India it's not uncommon for men (includes straight men) to appreciate each other's look, clothes, body etc. Anyways my gaydar has always been very good and I dont remember anytime when my gaydar has failed me. Sam is kind of a gym bunny, he goes to the gym everyday, he hasnt had one stable girlfriend and he is always talking about girls but to me the way he talks about girls seems odd, he keeps changing girlfriends but the important thing is that he hasnt slept with any of them, forget about sleeping he hasnt even had a good make out session with any of them, any girl he sees he says "hot chick" and I find it excessive to an extent that he is using it as a defense mechanism, he is a huge fan of comic books, green lantern is his favorite and next favorite is batman, he loves these superhero movies and often talks about bodies of male stars in these movies about how they worked out and what was their diet etc., one time I was home watching Thor and he came to my room with my roommate and said Chris Hemsworth has a really good body and actually as I was forwarding the movie he asked me to stop at the point where Hemsworth is shirtless in black jeans and then Sam said he has a really awesome body. when my roommate is around we are normal but when my roommate goes to the bathroom or to the kitchen and it's just Sam and me together there is always some awkwardness between us and he avoids making eye contact, he is not too much into sports but loves bodybuilding. So one day he had locked himself out of his apartment and called my roommate if he could sleep in our house as it was late and he couldnt reach his realtor, so he slept in my room because i have a huge queen size bunk bed in my room, the next day I said to him that I would like to see your apartment, to which my roommate said why? I just said that I want to see how apartments are in that area etc., anyways even though there has always been some awkwardness between me and him, as he was leaving my apartment he came to my room and said he is going home and if I would like to come with him as I wanted to see the apartment, (as I am writing all this I am getting a feeling that he might read all this, and I dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing) anyways, I said yes to going with him to see his apartment, anyways one more thing about him, he has a ton of shoes (just like me) and likes to wear those muscle t-shirts that show his awesome upper body. So then we were at his apartment, it was awkward in the beginning but then slowly awkwardness went away, he has a lot of books and movie dvds so I started to talk about them just to have some conversation, he gave him his batman comics and I asked for his fight club movie dvd, he said fight club is one of his favorite movies, anyways we came back to my apartment because he was on his way to the gym and gym is closer to my apartment, he asked me what am i going to do at night, it was 7pm then, I said I will watch the movie, he said we can watch it together when he comes back from the gym, I said ok. In the meantime my roommate made plans to go out for the night and eat out and have fun, so he asked me if I would like to come as well, I said no, he then asked Sam also but Sam also said no because he wants to watch the movie with me. anyways so we watched the movie, and we were talking and i asked him if he knows about the book on which fight club is based, he said he knows there is a book but doesnt know about it, i said it's written by a gay guy, he asked me how did i know that, i said my gay friend's boyfriend told me, he didnt seem surprised or bothered by that at all. anyways it was getting late and then he left normally saying good night with a smile. one thing i missed is when i was at his apartment i asked about another movie in his collection, he said it stars Channing tatum, I asked "the notebook" guy he said no, he is in this recent movie about male strippers.
    So anyways a week passed, and then he texted me how many kids do i want, i said none because i am never getting married, he then wrote me these texts saying "every guy should experience female body, it's the best feeling etc, everyguy should marry a female have a soulmate blah blah", and he also said that "i dont want you to be alone, I want you to experience with a girl", at that point I was like enough, and I wrote normal stuff in response that "I wont be alone, I will be fine, I have a ton of friends etc., and you should definitely get married if you feel so strongly about it", anyways sometime passed and then I get another text from him saying "i dont want to get married, but i want female company constantly", I was like half an hour ago he gave me a lecture on why every man needs to marry a woman and now he himself doesnt want to marry, anyways I decided to let it go, he always talks about girls but none of the girls stick with him for more than a week and none of them had sex with him, and so far there have been only 2-3 such girls in past 6-7 months who went out with him for a week. For me the chapter was closed, and from my side I think I had given enough signal that I am not into girls besides I never talk about girls. I concluded that I dont know what he wants, but he wants me to know that he likes girls. Anyways two weeks passed again and two nights ago at 1 am I get a text message from him saying "I like you too", I saw the message next morning because I was sleeping at 1 am, I was like where is this "too" coming from? because I never said to him I like you, and then my roomate told me that Sam was very drunk last night and he came to our apartment and he really wanted to talk to you, the same time my roommate got a call from Sam that he has a hangover and he doesnt remember anything that happened last night.

    Thanks for reading this guys. I want your opinion. Is he gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    Wow! That was a lot to get through!

    He does seem like he could be gay, but it's tough to say for sure.

    The next time you meet him, why don't you bring up a question about Fight Club, and ask if he thinks Brad Pitt is hot. If he hesitates, tell him you won't tell anyone if he says yes.

    Then ask him about some other male celebrities. If he seems to be getting more comfortable, mention one that you like a lot, and say that you'd like to 'get with him'.

    See how he responds.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    He actually may not be gay, but is certainly in the "questioning" realm. It's kind of a shame that you're not out yet because you could be the positive role model he's been waiting for. Regardless, his culture has the potential to keep him locked up in the closet, especially if his parents are waiting for grandchildren.

    Best of luck with everything. I would just be cautious and try not to push things and ruin a really good potential friendship.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Sep 30, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    That's one long-ass post. I'll wait for the 6 night TV mini-series version icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidThat's one long-ass post. I'll wait for the 6 night TV mini-series version icon_eek.gif


    I'm waiting for the shortened version with bullet points.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Sep 30, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    For the OP: Split up the post into clear paragraphs laying out the primary ideas.

    One is supposed to end complete thoughts [independent clauses] with periods or semicolons unless followed by a conjunction. Instead there are enormous run-on sentences with commas where their should be periods, which implies clausal dependency when in fact a new sentence is starting. Punctuation is your friend and can add significant meaning/clarity to your text.

    Makes it easier for people to read and separate out your ideas. Or else we are going to look at this post and think: WTF, wall of text that has no clear formatting or syntax structure. *Eats a Breakfast Bagel*
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 30, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    Well trying to cut through this... and btw, welcome to RJ....

    *Remember he comes from a different culture and that can throw difficulties into how you might see (and evaluate ) whether he is gay or straight. I would continue to try and evaluate what he wants (and he might not even really know).
    There is some evidence... but not conclusive. I'd want more before I come to any conclusion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    Yes, I do agree with everyone on the standard of written English in the OP's post.

    But also, he's just standing on here, and would need a bit of time to adjust.

    That said...

    Welcome, whatever3009!

    I hope you enjoy your stay, and keep us updated on your adventure with Sam!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    OP, am I right to say that you're also Indian? I can't really tell from your single small picture, but it sort of looks like you could be, and you also know a bit more than most about Indian culture.

    You should fill in your profile a bit more if you have time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Sorry for poor English on my part, English is not my first language, I do appreciate the feedback though and would love to hear more opinions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidThat's one long-ass post. I'll wait for the 6 night TV mini-series version icon_eek.gif

    Lol
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Sep 30, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    i survived somthing like half of it

    its very simple man

    you go to him

    you smile ;)

    you ask:

    you look incredible. lets have sex!

    kiss

    happy end
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    nicerough saidOP, am I right to say that you're also Indian? I can't really tell from your single small picture, but it sort of looks like you could be, and you also know a bit more than most about Indian culture.

    You should fill in your profile a bit more if you have time!


    Yes I am Indian too, I am out to my family and they are supportive of everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    smudgetool saidHe actually may not be gay, but is certainly in the "questioning" realm. It's kind of a shame that you're not out yet because you could be the positive role model he's been waiting for. Regardless, his culture has the potential to keep him locked up in the closet, especially if his parents are waiting for grandchildren.

    Best of luck with everything. I would just be cautious and try not to push things and ruin a really good potential friendship.


    Thanks, I do think he is confused about who he is and hence questioning.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    Understand about what you are talking about. How do you read a guy's intentions?

    I have a tall, dark and totally hot muscle friend. We hang out often (once-twice/wk) and talk about our lives. Well, mostly we talk about HIS life - girlfriend, work, travel, saving $$. I am a massage therapist and he really likes massage. About every other week, he "pulls" something working out. This of course leads to a massage.

    He is very funny about always being covered when we hang out (always wears a shirt - unlike me LOL), but is only too happy to be naked on my massage table (we use a cover). There have been times when he has pulled a groing or ab muscle and he likes when I to work high on his thighs, front and back.

    This can be maddening to me. He is quite comfortable with me working between those muscle legs or low on his belly and allows the sheet to fall away to just covering him. I wonder if he wants me to service him or something.

    Anyway, we have been friends for a long time (5+ years) so I haven't pushed anything. That being said, he does seem to like my attention.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    very iffy. i wouldnt call him gay though more like curious if anything. but he probably knows your gay since you gave alot of signals. which is why he brought up the every guy should have a women. i suggest two things. go to his apartment and get him wasted (seems like he is itching to tell you something. a drink will help). or 2 just be blunt sending a text saying you like him or hiint around to it. I'm very shy myself and if i was him i wouldn't be the first one to break the ice(unless i was drunk lolz). if you really like him you owe it to yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    Gawd that was soo long all, what I could remember was the word Apartment and Awkward... man you are so Simon Cowell best friend!...I felt like I just went into the bushes and finally came out on the other side panting. To be quite honest that was tiring it feels like I need to take a shower and massage my head properly!

    Well OP first answer : he is a waste of time jerk! I wouldn't want to go round the bushes all day with this kinda being! I rather get in the bush , grab him in and start striping! well ...NOT

    My honest opinion, he is not gay GAY but he is just what you call a straight porn stars who would do gay for pay contracts but later on doing it mainstream. Some of those are pretty weak assumptions. Today's world you cant use them anymore for indication.

    I dont think he is gay base on your write up and my understandings. If Ever so he is gay! he is definitely a very well to do Bottom!

    Why not you just ask him What is his favorite Madonna songs, is he a fan!?

    Second ask What does he think about Christian Andrew underwear line?

    3rd you ask Do you think trimming and then waxing your anus is essential??

    taadah!! here on you will get to see the yolk better! alright!? icon_biggrin.gif

    * please get me a beer!icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    tigga87 saidvery iffy. i wouldnt call him gay though more like curious if anything. but he probably knows your gay since you gave alot of signals. which is why he brought up the every guy should have a women. i suggest two things. go to his apartment and get him wasted (seems like he is itching to tell you something. a drink will help). or 2 just be blunt sending a text saying you like him or hiint around to it. I'm very shy myself and if i was him i wouldn't be the first one to break the ice(unless i was drunk lolz). if you really like him you owe it to yourself.


    He has asked me 2-3 times on different occasions to go out and have a drink with him, but I always declined, i think i should have said yes, next time (though i think it's over now) i would say yes.
  • Saffron69

    Posts: 121

    Sep 30, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    wow this is totally turning into gays of our lives. Yes he's totally gay and in denial. Ur gonna have difficulty cracking that shell of his. Even if you have him admit it ul still have to deal with a lifetime of inhibitions. Get him alone and talk, and tell him u like him too and see where this goes
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Sep 30, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    Saffron69 saidwow this is totally turning into gays of our lives. Yes he's totally gay and in denial. Ur gonna have difficulty cracking that shell of his. Even if you have him admit it ul still have to deal with a lifetime of inhibitions. Get him alone and talk, and tell him u like him too and see where this goes
    UNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE


    LOLOL icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    I think the OP could get in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest paragraph in the world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think the OP could get in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest paragraph in the world.


    Lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    Saffron69 saidwow this is totally turning into gays of our lives. Yes he's totally gay and in denial. Ur gonna have difficulty cracking that shell of his. Even if you have him admit it ul still have to deal with a lifetime of inhibitions. Get him alone and talk, and tell him u like him too and see where this goes


    Thank you, finally somebody feels he might be gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    Maybe try to make excuses to be close to him (Eg. sitting close on the coach with your legs touching) see if he moves away or if he likes it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 01, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    Ok first, major props to me for surviving through that wall'o text.

    Second: imo it's too soon, don't go all baller on him. He's probably straight with a twist or something - just curious and if anything ever happens it'll probably be solely to tease you and make himself feel good or something.

    Just wait anyway.