Having an Emo moment....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    Anyone else been where I'm at?

    just turned 26, relatively good looking, a nice guy...but have no freakin idea what to do with their lives? Went to school for acting, don't love it enough, have worked in politics, marketing, am a writer...now getting my personal trainer certification...but not sure wtf i wanna do with my life? sometimes it feels like this haze...i'm good at lots of different stuff, but i wanna be great at something. i want to succeed....

    also, just got out of a 2 year relationship a few months ago and readjusting to the single life and it's been difficult.

    I have a lofty goal of marriage and kids, but sometimes I think I dream about that more than I dream about a perfect career, like I have anxiety about what I will do with my life...

    I don't know, it feels kinda lonely lately. Just venting...aka sharing my personal problems with a bunch of complete strangers, but, you know sometimes, it can do the trick...

    life just feel kinda disappointing lately. like when you're in college you have all these dreams and goals sometimes life can jade you and lately it feels like God has been really testing me and sometimes I don't feel like I measure up.

    Blah, anyways....
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    Sep 30, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    I can tell you that I feel that and I'm only 21. I feel like I could be doing more with my life but because I'm stuck here I can't do anything right now. Well, the feelings of not knowing what to do with myself were when I left secondary school. Now I know what I want and I'm focusing on getting it. How I reached this stage of my life was just looking over everything and really finding what would make me happy. We all have big dreams, but maybe sometimes the big dreams aren't what will do it for us.

    Sometimes you might just need to step back, look at what you've done and haven't done, and see what you really enjoyed. Obviously you don't want to live a life that you don't enjoy. You need to find out what makes you really happy, what will make you happy for years to come.

    These feelings might stem from you just leaving your BF. That would definitely put anyone in a rut, because it's like knowing for so long that you're in a safe zone then all of a sudden being thrown out to work things out on your own.

    I hope that you feel better and figure out what you want to do man! icon_smile.gif

    PS: Don't ever feel like you have to measure up to anyone. It's your life, it's about you. If you like how things are but someone has a problem with it, screw them.
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    Sep 30, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    thank's man, i totally appreciate that.
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    Oct 01, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    This is totally normal for your age.

    Go read the chapter on the 20s in New Passages. And you might want to check out the 30s before you get there.

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    Oct 01, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    Multi tasking is so much fun Capn..
    So the bright side is you have created options..This is a very good thing..

    ..You can dabble in several things at the same time and do them successfully.
    Are you like me?..Restless?

    I have 2 main jobs...And on the side I get contracted out to recording studio or night club installs/ maintenance and sound design.
    Every other month I get booked for a DJ gig... At your age you have the ability to float around until you find your calling..

    Your past relationship probably took up allot of your time...Now that you have complete freedom..it gets overwhelming..

    ..If I had to do 1 job ..or had 1 career I would go insane..!!
    Hugz Capn
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    Oct 01, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    Self-employment is the best career for someone who's multi-talented.
  • robevans912

    Posts: 87

    Oct 01, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    As an FYI, I just turned 29 to give you a reference point. I've been in your situation, but it was too long ago to count.

    Sounds like you're a bit depressed since leaving your relationship, and for whatever reason, I am assuming you're just now having this existential reflection. So, I will assume this is because:

    1. You felt comfortable with whomever you were with, and that was the priority, therefore you didn't think much of the professional part.

    2. The person you were with didn't pay much attention to your professional development, so it was largely a nonissue.

    3. Your recent breakup is magnifying what feelings were already there: despair about professional life.

    -If not these, then:

    4. You will need to have an introspection session with yourself and re-write your post to further clarify your feelings so we can all help you deal better.

    There is no god who tests you, and if you do believe in god, then let's for the sake of this post, substitute god with "my fear or insecurities." This isn't mean to be disparaging, rather, it's to assist in maintaining the onus on you rather than something intangible.

    At this point, you might need to emotionally stabilize - don't drown or deluge yourself with anxiety. You stated that you're a writer, so jot down _many_ things that you're into and see if that will work for generating some inspiration for career opportunities.

    Also jot down what makes you anxious: is it lack of resources (money) right now? Is it lack of purpose? Is it lack of recognition from others? Believe it or not, anxiety is a huge barrier to confusion, amongst other problems that we all have. You're a writer, so define and describe what these mean to you, it will help you understand and make you feel better and out of the "haze" you described. Next, rank from 1 through 10 which anxiety trigger affects you the most, and then come up with various solutions to mitigate the anxiety.

    Log on to monster.com and browse relevant listings and read job descriptions... you might find language there that resonates with your personal goals. Sometimes, going on a nice hike will help with your state of mind.

    Here are some general things which have always helped me along the way in life, so I'll pass to you and perhaps you'll make use of it:

    1. Surround yourself with smart friends and/or intelligent colleagues. Don't waste your time on those with no intellectual capability.

    2. Research everything until you're sick.

    3. Always have charts or checklists that correspond with goals. This will keep you focused.

    4. Christopher Hitchens once wrote that we should picture all experts as if they were mammals. My view on this was a bit more crude but resonated the same, "We all eat, sleep, and shit the same."

    5. Don't let others label you, and challenge those who do.

    6. Never think that you're incapable of doing someone else's job, and don't feel comfortable going into a job or career.

    7. Set standards and conditions for future success.

    8. Wishing and hoping are not methods for completing tasks or goals.

    9. Consulting friends, colleagues, or family is never a weakness.

    10. Failure happens and is often times acceptable; failing twice is not. Respect the conditions which caused the failure.

    I have a lot more, but those come to mind right now.

    I wish you the best.
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    Oct 01, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    You're a natural born leader with a lot of talents and a good heart. Take what you wrote in your profile about qualities in a partner and become that person to yourself. Your first relationship needs to be with yourself and when you groove with that feeling of completeness look for that same feeling to showup as you test vocations. If a career experience doesn't reflect that passion of being ALIVE, move on. Don't despair about having many interests but ride the impulse till it drops you at another opportunity.
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    Oct 01, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    Im barely 18, and already in the same position. I think there's a lot of pressure (especially within the gay community) to live up to the ideals of society, which usually imply being successful and economically stable. I think it was the breakup that made pushed you off balance a little. Now that you're single you've taken the time to visualize a future on your own.
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    Oct 01, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    I can relate to you. I work for myself in a nutrition consulting business and but it doesn't compare financially to a 9 to 5 job that pays you per hour. I recently moved cities so I have kinda had to start from scratch to build up clients.

    Anyway there have been moments where I have doubted that what I am doing is going to make me feel financially secure in the long run but I am sticking with it now because I enjoy it and am passionate about it.

    You say you want to be great at something, as you probably know success does take hard work and even being great at something doesnt automatically mean you will be successful. I would say do something that you enjoy and doesnt feel like work, in the long run your passion will translate into dedication/hard work which will translate into success.

    Maybe see a careers counsellor or do a test or ask what your friends or workmates think, they usually would have a pretty fair opinion. Ultimately it's up to you.

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    Oct 01, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    Thank you so much. Such helpful advice. You're right, I am in control and have the freedom to visualize. And yes, a lot of it is about being economically stable but I'd rather be happy and fulfilled and feel like I am satisfied. I am going to take the time to discover myself in a different way.
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Meanwhile, I just turned 27 and I didn't really want to celebrate it. I've been working at a job for 4 years after graduation. I've been on a non-stop bullet train; in university I was filling my course load and getting special permission to take more than the maximum credit limit per semester because I wanted to do a year internship and still graduate under 5 years (i took engineering). From Oct of last year until now I've been working minimum 55 hour work weeks (sometimes 90 hours). I usually sleep at midnight. To maintain my health and sanity I'm up at 5:30 in the morning because that's the only time I can fit a workout in my schedule. I've grown to be cynical and plan for people's failures because I've become jaded in my job. Promotion for me would mean more hours and possibly people having to report to me, both which I think will break my sanity...

    I'm never able to make plans with friends on weekends because on a Friday I'm passed out on the couch or in bed at 9 PM. Some of my friends who live in the same city as me have stopped calling. I'm so wired in work that I try to project manage my bf, friends, and family and usually piss them off. It annoys me when someone I care about is not giving 105% because I feel like I could do things better.

    While I work my ass off in my 20s I notice that people my age have done amazing thinks like travel through Europe, gone for a cruise, or just enjoying their youth. They have experienced life instead of being confined in an office. Even though there are people my age living through tough times I still see a spark in them I feel I'm losing... I feel like there's nothing left but to get married and have kids... I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis and I'm not even 30.

    If someone was to ask me if I was happy, I'd say yes.
    Despite the demanding job and expectation I have for myself, I'm happy. I have a very good support group. My family, friends and boyfriend have the ability to use pull me out of the deepest despair. I was having an emo moment when I turned 27, but my bf and family forced me to see it through. Without them I would have spent my birthday wallowing in self pity. Instead I'm surrounded by people who love me and continue to want only the best for me. If I were to quit my job tomorrow and lose my home, they would do what they can to pull me back on my feet.

    The one thing I've always done regardless of good times or bad, was nurture my relationships of those around me. I like robevans912's message of how to avoid the pitfalls. Not all of them would work for me. I feel we are all complex and therefore there is no formula to get out of it. However, the commonality of having good people around is definitely one of the biggest requirements I have for being happy. Although I don't take every piece of advice I've been given, I consult the he'll out of my friends, family and peers.

    My dream is going into space. I still haven't given up on it icon_smile.gif
    I hope you find what it is you're looking for.

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    Oct 01, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    I have been there...I graduated in 1991, when I was 24 -

    * I have no idea what to do after school, although had a B.A. in Business Mgt. Admin.
    * I had to moved back to live with my father since could not find work in N. Florida.
    * I worked at several jobs (Cruise Lines, Art Store, etc.) - but I learned a lot about myself, what I did not like about those businesses, the bad and ugly of corporate management, the office politics, etc.

    * I finally then went to a register to a temporary contract work company...and then worked at several companies...and this did the trick. (worked for insurance company, a biotech company, etc.)

    If was the later biotech/device co, that I got hooked and found my passion...only thing I can say is that you need to find out what is YOUR passion is. From there on I found my passion in the biotech/pharm. which eventually now I am my own boss (business), it has taken time, perseverance, and passion, and also, being told "You will never succeeded, to being STAB in the back by so many bad supervisor/mgrs, etc." But I never let these things stop me that I knew what I wanted to do.

    (1) If you can answer this question, it will give you a indication of what you want to do..." If you could do something you loved and would get you up in the morning WITHOUT getting paid what would it be...(the money will come, always does $) but just think of this, also try.

    So you are NOT alone, the good thing is that you are questioning.... you are restless of where you are and THAT IS AWESOME!...imagine all the sheep in this world that just settle...DO NOT SETTLE, and is your own journey, its your own timetable, just need to think and narrow what you want. Once you find that niche, then learn from that industry and network with those that will teach you, there will always be a mentor or others willing to teach you.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 01, 2012 6:53 AM GMT
    Same problem and I'm cough cough years old! I have so many talents and I've never figured out which one I'm supposed to be making a living from. I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my time on this planet. I did the goals and objectives thing and fate kicked me in the ass, royally. Where do people with multiple talents get their focus and drive and succeed?
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    Oct 01, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    I'm overeducated in my field and my peers seem to despise me for it... It is my passion, and I know I can do many of their jobs better than them. That's the problem though--now I've been in school so long it takes me a warm-up period to be able to relate to normal people.

    Also, both of yall have had boyfriends. I haven't been able to develop any deep relationships but haven't found anyone I want to with yet either who wants to back.

    Also, it's irritating I'm only making 6 dollars more per hour with a master's degree in exercise physiology than a personal trainer with no education. That's insulting. That's what's wrong with the field. I'm sure many clients think I'm too brainy. Wtf is wrong with this world?