Gay Relationship Stages.

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    Oct 01, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    According to his book "Keeping Mr. Right - The Gay Man's Guide to Lasting Relationships" by Dr Kenneth George he states that all couples really do go through stages of change. They are:

    1. The Honeymoon Stage

    This is a time when you have an insatiable desire for one another. Everything is so romantic; you don't care about anything else except just being together. You are very happy and excited. Your relationship is everything you want. It is a time when you believe all your expectations will be met and nothing will ever go wrong.

    It is also a time when you see him the way you want to see him. When he does do things you don't like, you tend to deny them or at least believe they are unimportant. You do anything to get along and tend to go above and beyond all of his expectations. Your expectation is your relationship will last forever.

    2. The Disappointment Stage

    Following the honeymoon phase, for most couples they fail to discuss their honest expectations of each other due to the array of good feelings that this stage offers. As a result, many men begin their relationship with expectations that are false. The false and unshared expectations leads to the disappointment stage.

    The romanticized picture you had of your partner begins to crumble and you see his faults and he sees yours. There is a tendency to hurt each other, sometimes it feels as if you are walking on eggshells. Little things that seem so unimportant turn into big things. Winning an argument and being right becomes more important than the relationship.

    George states that all couples go through this stage - but our relationship does not have to end. He states negotiating your different expectations and decide on appropriate change.

    3. The Couple Stage

    The Couple Stage is when you both realise you have chosen to be a Couple even though you know the good and the bad of each other. During this stage there is a heightened sense of belonging to each other. You both accept that this is who you are and neither one of you will ever change.

    This stage is enjoyable and rewarding because you both finally accept each other and acknowledge that you really like each other. You both talk freely about things that are important to you and are able to take a position on issues which may be different from each other.

    Each of you is connected to the other and really cares about the other's wellbeing. During this stage you are truly best friends.

    The work in this stage of developing your shared expectations in order to define your own identity as a male couple builds the relationship for the next stage - The Successful Stage.

    4. The Successful Stage

    The Successful Stage seems to begin rather suddenly, even though you have been a couple for quite some time and you have been through a lot together. One day you will realize the two of you haven't had a disagreement in a long time. At this stage, there is knowledge the two of you have chosen to be with each other.

    You look at him and he is your best friend, you are glad you are in a relationship with him and you are looking forward to many years of togetherness.



    I thought reading this was really interesting.

    Can anyone relate to this or have experiences about progressing through the different stages. Would be great to hear from you even if the relationship didn't work out.
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    I'm having problems even getting to Stage 1. icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    So how far into our first date do I have to wait until I can be in the successful stage?
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    i think the furthest i got was the beginning of stage 2, i usually end it once that honeymoon part is over. But stage 3 and 4 seem sweet i kinda want it, but thats probably not gonna happen for another few years.
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    I liked this. Thanks OP!
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    This is stupid. The idea that you don't have disagreements in a successful relationship. Doctor, indeed. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    We are into stage 4. We rarely have an argument. I can't even remember the last one. You learn arguing about something that is just a minor irritation, like taking too long of a shower or taking off your shoes in the living room and leaving them there, are just not worth an argument. October 19 is our 10th anniversary.

    I did just find out yesterday two friends that have been together for more than 15 years broke up. I guess they never reached that successful stage.
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    Oct 01, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    showme saidThis is stupid. The idea that you don't have disagreements in a successful relationship. Doctor, indeed. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I doubt there is a relationship that ever gets to a stage with absolutely no disagreements, but I think you've been in one long enough to know they become much less frequent.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    showme saidThis is stupid. The idea that you don't have disagreements in a successful relationship. Doctor, indeed. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I doubt there is a relationship that ever gets to a stage with absolutely no disagreements, but I think you've been in one long enough to know they become much less frequent.


    I think they happen behind closed doors, or are shortcut, but they still happen. In my personal experience and from what I know of every other long term couple I know.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    Where are the instructions to get to Stage 0?
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    I used to own this book, left it with my ex...

    It's an amazing read. It really helps you look at things differently if you want to really have a successful relationship.

    They. take. work.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    jprichva saidThe truly skilled can run through all four stages in less than a week, the really gifted in two days.


    I don't think there's any gift involved. We're hardly skilled, much less gifted.

    in love within a week,

    -numbskulls, lol
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    Stage 1: Eye contact.

    Stage 2: Touching and groping.

    Stage 3. Head to the parking garage for some munchies and masturbation.

    Stage 4: Exchange names and numbers.

    Stage 5: Head back in the club and do it again if there's time before it closes.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    Skipping stage 2 DOES NOT WORK OUT .

    I am not doing that again. icon_evil.gif
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    I gotta go through all THAT? icon_eek.gif

    I can't even get to the "Meet Guy" stage. I'm doomed.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidI gotta go through all THAT? icon_eek.gif

    I can't even get to the "Meet Guy" stage. I'm doomed.


    Rofl!

    are not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    meninlove saidRofl!

    are not.


    Wanna bet?

    Wait, either way, I lose. Scratch that.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    Its possible to experience relationships differently with every guy you meet. This seems like an early stage of development to me. I've been in these kinds of phases in interchanged and some totally different in the past. Nothing is set in stone, but sure makes for good guidelines.
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    meninlove saidRofl!

    are not.


    Wanna bet?

    Wait, either way, I lose. Scratch that.


    Piffle. You don't know if it's heads or tails unless you toss the coin each time.

    icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    I'm disappointed by the lack of the stage where we enlist teams of friends or internet strangers to find out if he's gay.
  • LJay

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    Oct 01, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    How about the "why don't we get drunk and screw?" stage?
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    Oct 01, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Dahas saidI'm disappointed by the lack of the stage where we enlist teams of friends or internet strangers to find out if he's gay.
    icon_lol.gif
  • aznduderocks

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    Oct 01, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    interesting thread - I like it. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 01, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    JR_RJ saidIts possible to experience relationships differently with every guy you meet. This seems like an early stage of development to me. I've been in these kinds of phases in interchanged and some totally different in the past. Nothing is set in stone, but sure makes for good guidelines.


    I agree - all relationships are unique, as are people... though there are often 'phases' - these are not necessarily in a 'fixed' order.
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    Oct 01, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    If You need to read a book to understand relationships instead of experiencing them and discovering YOURSELF -- yer doing it wrong.

    period.