Need an advice here..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2008 2:32 AM GMT
    I'm 18 YO and came out of the closet at the time I moved to US. I go to home schooling and honestly, I don't have too many friends. So, I like this guy, he is 21 YO. I met him online from myspace. We had met once yesterday. Actually I didn't have any intention on having a serious relationship when I contacted him in the first place. I was just recovered from a pretty terrible heart break from my last date.

    Okay, so this is the detail of the first date, I was only sending him an email and chat with him to be friend. I didn't have any intention to meet him, but he invited me yesterday and we have only chat for 2 days. I thought this would just be another hook up session. I reluctantly accepted his offer and went to his place. I was pretty fed up with the homeschooling stuffs.

    So I met him. He was a little bit shy when he met me. He didn't talk too much. He is a friend of my acquaintance, so we were just watching you tube together, playing card game, and talking about the acquaintance which I barely know. He was somewhat slow. I gave him the cues to do the hook up, but he was just hesitating to do it. I didn't want to wait much longer because when he hesitated there was an awkward silence, so I just kissed him right away and that was the hook up session.

    However, there was something that I felt different from a regular hook up session. He held my hand when he drove me to my place, and further more he told me to call him.

    So I want to ask what should I do next, if I want to make him a boyfriend. I don't have any friend who can tell me what to do next in the US. I don't want to ask my friends in Indonesia, cuz I've asked them once for my last date and the result was disastrous. When should I ask him to be my boyfriend? How often should I call him? How much attention should I give him?

    thank you
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    Aug 27, 2008 4:18 AM GMT


    Just do what is natural for you. He said to call him, so call. Have fun. Enjoy yourself with him by doing things you both like. Movies? Walks? Working out? Making out? heh.

    Let things happen at their own pace. It's hard to make a BF in only one date. You should get to know each other a little better, first.icon_wink.gif

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    Aug 27, 2008 6:43 PM GMT
    He sounds just as unsure as you about it. Probably his first time? So I say take it slow. Hang out with him more, cut back on the sex thing, LOL, and get to know each other.
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    Aug 27, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    Sedative saidHe sounds just as unsure as you about it. Probably his first time? So I say take it slow. Hang out with him more, cut back on the sex thing, LOL, and get to know each other.


    Don't rush things. Let what happens happen.
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    Aug 27, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    He's not your boyfriend. At least not yet.You need to have 5-10 more dates that should not be about sex before you would call him boyfriend, and even then, it's something you need to agree upon.

    If it's not just a hookup, then you have to understand that while physical attraction is often the first thing that attracts us, it shouldn't be the only thing and if you spend most of your time together having sex, you'll not really get to know each other.

    Great sex doesn't automatically equal great boyfriend! You need to click on more levels than just physical. That takes time.

    Your description of your date implies that all you were really paying attention to was whether or not you were going to hookup. There was little that you said about him in any descriptive way that would indicate that you were attracted to his sense of humor or intellect or personal interests, or political or spiritual aspects. Everything was about if and when you'd hookup. That's fairly telling.
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    Aug 28, 2008 8:34 AM GMT
    bgcat57 saidHe's not your boyfriend. At least not yet.You need to have 5-10 more dates that should not be about sex before you would call him boyfriend, and even then, it's something you need to agree upon.

    If it's not just a hookup, then you have to understand that while physical attraction is often the first thing that attracts us, it shouldn't be the only thing and if you spend most of your time together having sex, you'll not really get to know each other.

    Great sex doesn't automatically equal great boyfriend! You need to click on more levels than just physical. That takes time.

    Your description of your date implies that all you were really paying attention to was whether or not you were going to hookup. There was little that you said about him in any descriptive way that would indicate that you were attracted to his sense of humor or intellect or personal interests, or political or spiritual aspects. Everything was about if and when you'd hookup. That's fairly telling.


    Well, actually.. because in the first place I thought it was only a hook up session, so I wasn't paying too much attention in our conversation. However, after chat with him for awhile I found out that we actually have a mutual hobby on playing card game.

    on that date, he was pretty nasty.. he showed me the 2 girls 1 cup video (actually he had no intention showing me that, but I caught him commenting on it and I didn't know that video so, I asked him to show me that..).

    Thanx for all of your advice.. I think I like this guy, and I will start with a friend relationship... and if everything goes well. I will go to the next step.