People Think I'm Too Self Righteous: It pushes some away.

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    Oct 03, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    Ok, so I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, am a virgin, go to church, go to college, in honor society etc etc etc

    And people tend to think I have this self righteous thing about me just because I feel a certain way about stuff.

    i have faults, and I express them all the time. I never claim to be perfect.


    Some feel uncomfortable around me because they think I am judging them, but I don't. I may not like there actions but that doesnt mean we cant be friends and I wont love you.I never even speak against people unless my opinion is asked.

    i've been called, goody goody, holier than thou and stuff all my life.

    SO I have a question, does being around someone like me make you feel awkward.

    i may not be vulgar but i like to laugh and be silly, goof off and such.
    I know I seem serious alot, but I really can be chill.

    When people ask me to go to clubs and go out drinking, when I say no or that I dont do those things, I think it pushes people away,

    I'm not saying nor ever will say anyone else is wrong for who they are or what they do, I just dont do certain things.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Oct 03, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    I have a friend like you and I feel perfectly comfortable. I think you just have to take time and meet the right people and form bonds. The people that matter don't care what you are, did, or do they only care for your well being but everything even friendships require sacrifices.

    You perhaps may not have to spend the whole night out but go clubbing with your friends, set a time limit though if your uncomfortable with that scene. Personally alot more people appreciate an effort made rather than none at all and in return they usually try to make an effort in understanding you.
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    Oct 03, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidOk, so I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, am a virgin, go to church, go to college, in honor society etc etc etc
    All that is invalid if it's not on a bumper sticker.
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    Oct 03, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    oh paul how i love thee
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    Oct 03, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    eh, people call me judgmental, that I expect everyone to meet a too high a standard and a bunch of other things.

    What people don't understand is that I hold my self to an incredibly high standard not everyone else. But they all seem to fear that I'm going to hold them to it as well.

    Which in my mind is the stupidest thing ever. The one thing I expect of them is to be good people and they are, if I've made them a friend. Otherwise I couldn't give a shit what you do, who you do, how you do it or any other things.

    But I've noticed that all the people who say these things about me generally aren't people I've ever had any desire of knowing, the only reason I do know them is because I've had to for what ever reason.

    My friends however call me loving, kind, thoughtful, caring, attentive and all sorts of other things.

    So, if your friends love you and you love your friends move on. If your "friends" are trying to drag you down they aren't friends more acquaintances
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    Oct 03, 2012 6:31 AM GMT
    Jamie..Don't let it get to you..This is your foundation and these qualities will get you far.!

    As soon as people figure out you're not judgemental..they'll come around.
    Anyone that has a problem with your "foundation" is a person you shouldn't be spending too much time with anyway..!

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    Oct 03, 2012 10:31 AM GMT
    I was one of the apparent few who behaved responsibly in my youth, and was seen the same way. I always wondered when it became unpopular to behave responsibly. Do NOT give in to this crap in order to fit in, anyone who disdains you for being responsible and competent is NOT your friend. Say that out loud a few times, and let it sink in.
    I'm almost 41 years old, and never tried drugs, very rarely drank ( and didn't at all until well into adulthood), and was the first person in my group of friends to have a real job and my own home by the age of 24. Most of the others caught up eventually, but it took two incomes to do it, and the help of their parents. I did it on my own, and was envied for it. You can too. Be the one envied, and you can hold your head up VERY HIGH. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidConsider it a blessing in disguise that people who want to go out drinking and clubbing are quietly fading out. If that's what they like and you don't, then it sounds like you don't have much in common with them socially.

    The goal is to find people that you have things in common with.


    Also, watch the judgments and the adjectives you use to describe yourself as different from other people. You used the word "vulgar" to describe a type of person that is unlike you. I'm assuming you're not labeling people who invite you to clubs as vulgar to their faces. At least I hope you're not. Because if you are then you are going to put people off. And if that is your real impression of people who like to go clubbing you might be rubbing this off in someway that other people can sense, even though you're not saying it directly.


    No when I said vulgar, I just mean in the way I speak, as in I don't curse and talk about certain things, in a certain way.

    I went to a gay club once to try to open myself to new experiences, but I just didnt care for it. People were getting naked and I was shock of it.

    My two friends wanted to fight, and I had to beg them not too.

    it was an interesting night but that was just something not for me.
    I have quite a few friends who live a lifestyle different from mine, and being a gay black man, I would NEVER point the finger at anyone else, honestly I never even think too.



    To be honest, with my religion aspect , apart of me thinks im wrong in so many way. SO i often try to compensate for improving myself in ways that I actually can change as a way of....well you get the point.

    It's not about them, it's about me.
    I just am trying to be good...which is so subjective, but at the end of the day I am religious, and I just am trying to...nevermind.
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    Oct 03, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidOk, so I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, am a virgin, go to church, go to college, in honor society etc etc etc

    And people tend to think I have this self righteous thing about me just because I feel a certain way about stuff.
    I wouldn't call that self-righteous. I'm similar (well, I drink socially and don't go to Church because I hate organized religion and the way most "Christians" behave).

    I jokingly call myself Puritanical or Angelic.

    When I think of Self-righteousness, I think of your typical Fundamentalist/Evangelicals who condemn everyone else for supposed sins, while completely ignoring their own. Obese, 4 times divorced, multi-millionaires who claim gays are destroying society and abominations to God for example.

    Those who believe God always agrees with whatever they believe, and anyone who disagrees with them is being controlled by Satan. That's self-righteousness.

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 03, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    Yes, I feel awkward posting on your threads, mainly because you're so serious all the time that I'm never sure if you know when someone's joking.icon_confused.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 03, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    I think it is time you started drinking ... perhaps it will help fix that chemical imbalance.
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    Oct 03, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI think it is time you started drinking ... perhaps it will help fix that chemical imbalance.


    hahahaha icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    "What's red in the bone is born out in the flesh."

    -We are ALL self-righteous. Some just choose the comfort of denial.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 03, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    deltalimen said"What's red in the bone is born out in the flesh."

    -We are ALL self-righteous. Some just choose the comfort of denial.


    Some of us apparently aren't so bright (like me)... Wtf does that even mean???icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 10:44 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidYes, I feel awkward posting on your threads, mainly because you're so serious all the time that I'm never sure if you know when someone's joking.icon_confused.gif


    I can see that, but you never if you are not sure, why not just ask.

    Granted alot of my topics are serious but that doesnt mean im serious 24/7.

    Your response makes me feel like im being judged without being truly known.

    Just like now, i'm not upset or anythingicon_biggrin.gif, I just noticed something that I have seen and decided to ask about it, but you may think I am upset because of what you have assumed of me.

    which isn't really fair...

    we never really had a convo outside a topic...
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    Oct 03, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    Jamie, do those people that call you self righteous, aloof etc know that you are gay? I guess they don't. Young men are expected to have some female troubles, that they talk to their buds about when they go out to bars. So when someone doesn't have that and is remote because he's in the closet, people start to talk and being labeled self righteous could be one result.

    If this is all BS, and many people know you're gay, then I apologize.