when love hurts...

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    Oct 03, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    Just over a year ago, I had thought that I had found my match. I started to date someone so incredibly wonderful that I honestly felt as though my life had begun to turn around. Finally, it only took 32 yrs. For six months we dated. I had never felt happier. Things had progressed rather quickly over those six months as our feelings for one another grew. It wasn't long before I had felt that feeling inside me that would suggest that it was love. I had met someone who accepted me both for all the great things he saw in me and for all my faults too. I was caught off guard when merely one week after he told me that he loved me, (he had said it before, but this time there was something about the way he said it that resonated with me, that made me really feel it) he told me that he felt we shouldn't be together anymore. I was heartbroken. He was as well, and although I knew he cared about me, I was faced with coming to terms that he was ready to move on.

    I was in the process of getting ready for bed this evening when, while hanging up my jacket i noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the front pocket. I reached in, pulled it out and it was the dinner receipt from our very first date. I reminisced about that moment quietly, to myself. I can recall it vividly. There are other such reminders scattered around my condo that make their odd appearance here and there that I have been able to disregard, but this one in particular stung a little.

    I stopped for a moment and thought about my life these past few years. As I've grown older I've become more aware of myself, my values and the things that mean the most to me. Like many other gay men can attest there was a time where I craved validation from other men to make me feel good about myself. Perhaps because I wasn't validated enough growing up as a kid, I dunno. When I've found myself in relationships, that no longer mattered because the only thing that ever mattered was right there in front of me. I realized how petty I was for ever caring so much about what others thought of me. I realized how short and precious life is and that when something matters so much to you, you grab onto it and hold on tight. I also realized that holding on tightly sometimes isn't enough.

    As these thoughts crept back into my mind I teared up a bit, but oddly enough I smiled. In reliving those memories, (both good ones and bad) I've come to realize that I'm more aware now than ever before that regardless of the risks involved in pursuing a long term relationship with someone, the benefits can be so much more rewarding. I've slowly begun to open my heart up again during this healing process and start loving myself. Whatever happens from hereon out will happen. Some things may be a little scary....but with that comes hope and excitement.

    good night all icon_smile.gif
    Steve
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    Oct 03, 2012 6:54 AM GMT
    Sounds like you are healing nicely and getting ready for a "Come back"

    ..This is the beauty of loving yourself.. It gives you the ability to see yourself for who and what you are..and in return you'll gain inner strenght ..

    .. I hope you'll find what your'e looking for..
    Thanks for sharing icon_biggrin.gif
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Oct 03, 2012 11:43 AM GMT
    When love hurts don't put a band aid on it .... let the wound air out and don't pick at the scab.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Oct 03, 2012 12:37 PM GMT
    when love hurts...

    use more lube.
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    Oct 03, 2012 1:08 PM GMT


    That was an entirely great read, Estevao. Thanks for sharing this.

    *warm hug*

    -Doug of meninlove
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Oct 03, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    hey Estevao, thanks for taking the time to post such a heartfelt and well-written account. I've been through something similar, and have gained similar clarity after emerging from the other side of the crucible that love can be sometimes.

    I think the secret is allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in an honest way, and not try to clamp down on it and bury it.

    For me, the hurt is gone--or at least the jagged edges have worn down, but not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
  • TannerMasseur

    Posts: 7893

    Oct 03, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    Very eloquent, thx Steve for sharing icon_smile.gif
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Oct 03, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    Estevao saidJust over a year ago, I had thought that I had found my match. I started to date someone so incredibly wonderful that I honestly felt as though my life had begun to turn around. Finally, it only took 32 yrs. For six months we dated. I had never felt happier. Things had progressed rather quickly over those six months as our feelings for one another grew. It wasn't long before I had felt that feeling inside me that would suggest that it was love. I had met someone who accepted me both for all the great things he saw in me and for all my faults too. I was caught off guard when merely one week after he told me that he loved me, (he had said it before, but this time there was something about the way he said it that resonated with me, that made me really feel it) he told me that he felt we shouldn't be together anymore. I was heartbroken. He was as well, and although I knew he cared about me, I was faced with coming to terms that he was ready to move on.

    I was in the process of getting ready for bed this evening when, while hanging up my jacket i noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the front pocket. I reached in, pulled it out and it was the dinner receipt from our very first date. I reminisced about that moment quietly, to myself. I can recall it vividly. There are other such reminders scattered around my condo that make their odd appearance here and there that I have been able to disregard, but this one in particular stung a little.

    I stopped for a moment and thought about my life these past few years. As I've grown older I've become more aware of myself, my values and the things that mean the most to me. Like many other gay men can attest there was a time where I craved validation from other men to make me feel good about myself. Perhaps because I wasn't validated enough growing up as a kid, I dunno. When I've found myself in relationships, that no longer mattered because the only thing that ever mattered was right there in front of me. I realized how petty I was for ever caring so much about what others thought of me. I realized how short and precious life is and that when something matters so much to you, you grab onto it and hold on tight. I also realized that holding on tightly sometimes isn't enough.

    As these thoughts crept back into my mind I teared up a bit, but oddly enough I smiled. In reliving those memories, (both good ones and bad) I've come to realize that I'm more aware now than ever before that regardless of the risks involved in pursuing a long term relationship with someone, the benefits can be so much more rewarding. I've slowly begun to open my heart up again during this healing process and start loving myself. Whatever happens from hereon out will happen. Some things may be a little scary....but with that comes hope and excitement.

    good night all icon_smile.gif
    Steve


    Awww, this is such an emotional write. I wish you best of luck in anything you are doing and always remember who you are is not define by what you are and who you once are.
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    Oct 03, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Great read! Thoughtful. Insightful. Honest. You are a beautiful man - both inside and out icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    monet saidwhen love hurts...

    use more lube.

    Have to hand it to shallow gay men. A guy shares a deeply felt love story and some moron goes immediately to the lube joke.
    Funny how a few days ago I commented on why I have so many straight male friends and reading the above quote reminds me why I have so few shallow moronic gay friends.
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Great posting. Hugs to you.
  • Matia79

    Posts: 215

    Oct 03, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    I relate to this completely. Almost the exact same thing happened to me about 7 months ago. It's a little eerie really.

    I thought I was finally over my breakup, but just last night I found out he's in a new relationship with someone he has 'great chemistry' with. It stung. A lot. I'll be honest in saying I'm surprised it bothers me to such a degree but it does.

    Your note is exactly what I needed to read. I suppose, when we let someone touch us that way, they'll invariably leave an imprint. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this. They were a big help and give me a little more hope that the pain may not go away entirely, but it'll eventually fade into the background.
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    its like listening a to person's heart rhythm, what was it like, and that was absolutely beautiful!

    My well wishes to you and your undertakings icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    You are too mature to be on this site.
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    har19 said


    WTF?

    While the song may be in context, the video is not. That and the fact that Rascal Flatts is a homophobic asshole ... well, you get the picture.
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    Oct 03, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    nice story. love does hurt... its been almost 1 yr since i broke up with R, and yesterday he called me to wish me a happy Bday... My heart fluttered, and skipped a beat! He was the love of my life, and it took months to get over that pain. And it was painful... Life is a funny thing eh? Hugs to all.. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 4:07 PM GMT
    Kudos to you for sharing this openly.

    This very same thing happened to me as well, and your story and time stamp echoes loud for me. Finding a receipt or piece of a note from that first date... yea, I have just gone through the very same, if not exact same circumstances as yourself. Then it's gone...

    Loving ourselves is a big part of the healing process. And you are right, what happens here on out will happen. Who knows what is just around the corner? icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Incredibly well written, thoughtful, emotional, grounded.

    Bless you as you go through your pain and, hopefully, the joy of starting anew. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 03, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    Thank you for sharing your experience, Estevao. When Love hurts, that is the most precious thing. So long do we all strive for the chance to have love in our lives, but turn so bitter as it walks out of our lives. You've managed to capture the beautiful side of moving on after loves been lost. You've taken that critical step, and marked it for us all to see; when the excruciation feeling of heartbreak begins to seal it's own wounds.
    I hope more RJ'ers read this and take something away for their own dealings of love and healing over time.

    Hugs* =')
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    Oct 03, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    Thanks for your courage and honesty in describing your situation!
    Best of luck to you bringing your experiences and healing into your life and future relationships.
  • xysx

    Posts: 306

    Oct 03, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    thank you. Your eloquent ability to relay your experience and heartfelt sentiments was exactly what i needed today . thank you for touching my heart
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 03, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Estevao said... I realized how short and precious life is and that when something matters so much to you, you grab onto it and hold on tight. I also realized that holding on tightly sometimes isn't enough...




    Yes, my thoughts also.




    icon_sad.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 03, 2012 7:43 PM GMT
    i am sorry to hear someone broke your heart buddy. i am sure time will heal it. i think you come across as a really sweet, nice, kind-hearted young man. i forgot handsome as well. its good of you to have such a forgiving and big heart. i would have been disappointed and would have just never spoken to him and asked him to leave. i wish there were more good guys like you around.
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    Oct 03, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Hey OP, I've noticed you are on my hotlist....

    tumblr_m5d9m3Hdg91qkr6b6o2_250.gif