giving your number to a guy you're not interested in

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Aug 19, 2007 10:27 PM GMT
    So I'll sometimes go to the bars by myself in hopes of finding a friend, a date, or when drunk enough, a one-nighter. If nothing else, I hope to meet some guys for some nice conversation. Guys hit on me a lot and I'll be chatty with whoever regardless of whether I'm interested. Generally they will eventually ask for my number. Many times, I am not interested in meeting up with that person again, yet I still end up giving my number out. So my question is, is that leading them on in making them think I'm interested? Or should I tell them that it was nice chatting but would not like to take it further. What approach would you suggest?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2007 11:03 PM GMT
    It's leading them on. I sympathize with you but suggest you find a way to shoot them down easy. Plus that way you won't get as many unwanted phone calls.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2007 11:52 PM GMT
    Hands up! I've done that too. Sometimes I've given a guy I'm not really interested in my number and then worried about what to say when the call came. Now I'm more inclined to be straight up and say that while its great to talk, I'm not really looking for anything more right now. It seems a more gentle let down...we've all be on the receiving end on a hard put down at one time or another, so there's no harm in doing it gently.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 12:40 AM GMT
    You may also go this route: Tell him that you've been getting so many annoying calls that you don't answer your phone very often, unless you are expecting a call at a certain time. Then....ask him for his number. If/when you don't call after a few days, he'll get the hint. You always have the option to call. Cruel,... maybe. But you can live without the aggravation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 12:47 AM GMT

    You are leading him on.

    Why lie.

    Tell him you are flattered but don't think so...

    R
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 12:48 AM GMT
    Well, it's not like I have to swat the guys away like flies or anything, but my personal experience is that the best way to avoid the phone number issue is to build to it throughout the conversation. Usually, the guy I'm chatting up at the bar will know by the end of the conversation whether or not this is a momentary thing, or if it's something that need could be pursued. It's part body language, part things you let drop in the conversation, subtly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 1:22 AM GMT
    Heh, Terry if you've really had success with guys getting subtle hints dropped throughout the conversation, consider yourself either very lucky or in an area populated by a wildly high propotion of sensitive men. My personal experience has been that a lot of guys really aren't good at reading signs and need to be flat-out told no (and sometimes this does not even do the trick!).

    I think something important to remember is that guys that are confident enough to approach you are also approaching a lot of other guys as well and are probably old pros at receiving polite rejection. Once I realized it wasn't going to be some blow to someone to say no, I feel a lot more comfortable doing it - and you can always do it in a sassy way that is good-natured and not awkward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 1:23 AM GMT
    It would be best to just be straight forward if you wouldn't even consider them to be a possible friend, otherwise you'll have to either avoid his phone calls or even worse meet him out somewhere. Sometimes you feel so mean saying "No sorry", but better to do it ahead of time than getting his hopes up.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 20, 2007 1:26 AM GMT
    I'd say you're leading them on. Maybe I'm an unusual case, but I really prefer a guy saying "Sorry, I'm not interested" to making me think he might be and hoping that I give up.
  • fryblock

    Posts: 387

    Aug 20, 2007 1:28 AM GMT
    it's leading them on, but i do it too. however, i give them a wrong number. id rather not see their disappointment when i tell them no, so maybe they will think they either heard me wrong or i'm just a douchebag.
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    Aug 20, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
    you can always give them the rejection hotline number... search for your local number here:
    http://www.rejectionhotline.com/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 4:48 AM GMT
    I just tell them I don't give out my number as it is used primarily for business. I think honesty is the best policy. It isn't fair to give the impression of interest if none exists.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 20, 2007 5:16 AM GMT
    you are opening the door to 'mr. stalker' and basically making him coffee too! if you are not interested do not give him info that he can use at 4 a.m. when he cant sleep and then neither can you!!!!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 5:52 AM GMT
    I think it's great that you have the confidence to go to bars on your own. And it's even better that you are friendly and will chat to guys.

    But I think honesty is the best policy, if you say you're not attracted to that person but thanks then I think it's fine not to give out your phone number. And like someone has said, guys who have the confidence to chat to someone in a bar are not going to be that upset by your refusal.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 20, 2007 5:57 AM GMT
    I agree with aerach for the most part; you ARE leading him on and creating possible trouble in the future for BOTH of you,
    The BEST thing for you and him is to be honest upfront.
    Several people said it well; there are many ways to get across that he is a nice guy but you are not looking for more right now or words to that effect or even more specific like, thanks for the nice chat, but we are really not a good match for dating.
    In any case it is really not a good idea to be dishonest even by inference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 7:43 AM GMT
    Have to agree with the majority... if you're not interested just tell them so... I suspect most people would prefer the rejection than to believe that there is something there.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 20, 2007 7:52 AM GMT
    Make some excuse. I usually say I forget my number (just lost my hand phone). Its a company phone. They have not install the fixed line yet. Usually people will know is a no in disguise.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 20, 2007 10:31 AM GMT
    It's certainly setting yourself up to be annoyed later when they start calling you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 10:39 AM GMT
    Why give someone your number when you know what they expect from you and you know you are not interested in receiving phone calls from them...?

    This is FOR SURE leading them on.

    And many could attribut the action of leading someone that you are not interested as a form of self centered egotrip...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 10:44 AM GMT
    "it's leading them on, but i do it too. however, i give them a wrong number. id rather not see their disappointment when i tell them no, so maybe they will think they either heard me wrong or i'm just a douchebag."

    That is TERRIBLE That is very childish! What would yourself prefer...? To be told the truth given a head trip like that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 12:44 PM GMT
    Talk about easy! (haha)

    If we ever meet in a bar, I'm going to invite you to pay my mortgage, even if I have to pay for the drinks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 12:56 PM GMT
    Your leading them on. It's ay easier tell the truth. How you like that done to you? You can be nice about it. The rejection hot line . What a cop out. Boy i hope that guy doesn't run into that person again. Good luck and let us know what you decide.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 1:50 PM GMT
    Yo, Hunter9! - I did exactly the same things as you for years. Wanna know the consequences of such behaviour if you decide to continue playing that game?
    A: You'll no longer be able go to the places that you once enjoyed without crossing paths with all those guys that you toyed with, or worse, have guys you've only just met ask "Say... aren't you the guy that my buddy told me about?"
    Burn.
    Don't go that route.
    If your not interested in them past the chit-chat stage, tell them straight.

    Also, telling them that you have a bf while your out on your own isn't at all effective either! It seems to create more of an aura of corruptibilty that some determined guys can't resist.

    Just say No Thanks, firmly and kindly.

    ka-ching - my two bits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 2:19 PM GMT
    I've never understood pushing your phone number on someone you've only spent 10 minutes in a noisy bar talking to. In my long career as a sexual evangelist, I don't think I've ever called one of those numbers. Do they really expect you to? Do they really remember who you are?

    If somebody asks for my number, I tell them the truth: "I don't give my number out so casually, but here's my email address." Then if they write, it's easier to say 'no thanks' if I'm really not interested.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2007 2:43 PM GMT
    I really can't believe some of these responses where people are seriously recommending that it's ok to lead people on, or worse, outright lie. Of course giving out your number is leading them on, if you don't want somebody to call you, don't give them your number... but don't be a coward and lie about it just because you don't have the guts or class to tell the truth. If you're the one letting someone down, I think you at least owe it to them to be honest, even if it makes you feel bad to reject someone (after all, they're the one getting rejected, not you). Sorry to sound harsh, the original question was innocent enough, but some of the responses really amazed me.

    If you're worried about hurting their feelings, well, you're probably going to hurt them less by being honest than by making them wonder why you never call back or never answer your phone. Remember, what goes around comes around. Think about how you would feel in their place.