So I'm sort of resenting my mom

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    Oct 04, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    I came out to her last year and she actually took it pretty well. She asked me if I was dating anyone, and I said no. She said a lot of people around my age are confused and think they like people of the same sex but they don't. I told her I was bi and she thought that meant I was hooking up with guys and girls and just having sex with everyone and that eventually I'd have to pick "one." So I asked her to do some research on the subject and get back to me and she said she would, and later that night she sent me a text saying that she loves me unconditionally. So I think she took it pretty well it was just hard for her to deal with on the spot. And to this day she still treats me exactly the same as before, spoils me, etc. But the problem is that its become like don't ask don't tell. We've literally never talked about it again after that day. Its almost as if it never happened.

    And since then we've also gotten into arguments over gay marriage & gay adoption, because she is hardcore republican pretty much. But while its gotten heated neither of us acknowledge the fact that I'm into guys, and even when we argued about gay marriage and stuff its like neither of us would bring up my sexuality. And every time we talk she always asks "Oh have you met any cute girls there? Etc?" Like she just ignores something that pretty much took a lot of courage and energy to finally come clean to her about, and it makes me feel sad like I'm not validated.

    I don't know what I'm going to do the next time I get a boyfriend, or how she is going to react to it. But I feel like even though I've come out to her I can't really talk openly about stuff. Since we are a hispanic family sometimes she uses the word "marico" to describe gay people. And it bothers me every time she does, she even looked at me one time and was like "Oh, sorry, I know you get offended when I call them that." Its just weird to me because she roots for gay people on X Factor and stuff and she claims to be really spiritual and open-minded but gay guys are a joke to her and its really frustrating to me. But I also don't want to be like "listen mom, I suck dick, deal with it." Although its getting to that point...what do you think her deal is?
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    Oct 04, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Its just a little annoying because I know she probably suspects that I do stuff with guys. I used to go out clubbing a lot in gay Orlando. I'm sure she saw the credit card bills in some gay clubs/bars. I brought home a friend that she pretty much fell in love with and she doesn't know he's gay which is the funny part, since he's pretty masculine. I was afraid to introduce him to her, because I'm afraid to introduce most of my friends to my family who is pretty homophobic. This just pretty much sucks lol. Other than this she really is an amazing mom who's sacrificed a lot for her kids. And she's really encouraging and supportive. But seriously the Britney Spears stanning wasn't a giant hint?! lol
  • Fable

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    Oct 04, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    She's in denial.


    Broach the subject again.
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    Oct 04, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    And say what? I mean coming out the first time was really stressful. The second time ? Regardless I'm not seeing her for around 6 months.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    I've even left gay magazines spread out across my room for her to find and I know she's seen them and it just doesn't come up at all -_-
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    You did say you were bi, and because you left the window of opportunity open in her mind she sees you with a woman.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    My dad is the same way, which you have probably seen me complaining and whining about in another topic.

    It's so awkward, especially if you have relatives come over and ask you if you have a GF and you have to be quiet to avoid making thinks weird.

    My dad still makes comments about gay people as if I never said anything.
    I think the truth for you as well as I is that our parents, don't give us any credit. They don't understand that we know ourselves better than they think they know us.

    Truth be told if your mom is like my dad, you may just have to deal with the fact she may never acknowledge it. My dad sure doesnt and though it kills me inside, I knows its only a matter of time before I find a guy and start a life.

    It sucks, it really sucks, and I even told my dad the one time I went to a gay club yet he still acts like I am going to get married to a woman.

    I was confused.

    Its hard dude. But I guess we can't change how others feel, only how we react to it...


    Im such a hypocrite though, talking to you like I have the slighest idea what they hell im doing in life...

    im lost...so lost, but that's what I think.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    It took you some time to accept your sexuality enough to tell your mom. Think that it may take her some time to accept it too.

    Since you said you're bi, she seemed to think that you're a sexual addict free-for-all type. Now she probably thinks that there's a chance you'll end up with a girl. Former prospective why should she get excited about something if you might seem like a straight married man someday.
    Maybe when you bring a boyfriend home she might think it's more than a phase.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    wannaseeit saidI've even left gay magazines spread out across my room for her to find and I know she's seen them and it just doesn't come up at all -_-


    This sounds like on Degrassi when Riley came out to his mom. Just give her time I guess...

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    Oct 04, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    My mother kinda similar to yours. She loves me unconditionally but still thinks I'm just confused.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    It's a process..sometimes longer than shorter...
    Make very good decisions..Set solid virtuous examples to show your mom Gay..or Bi..you are still an awesome person.
    ..She'll come around..!
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 said
    wannaseeit saidI've even left gay magazines spread out across my room for her to find and I know she's seen them and it just doesn't come up at all -_-


    This sounds like on Degrassi when Riley came out to his mom. Just give her time I guess...



    Blackcat just when I thought I couldnt love you anymore

    you mention Degrassi. icon_cool.gif

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    Oct 05, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    So, here is my thinking:
    1. She may have not gone out and found you a boyfriend, but she took it well. Some people would be furious/yell/cry, or even disown you. Count your blessings and enjoy that she took it well.
    2. She obviously needs some time.It's alot to think about and obviously she hasn't seen you in that light yet. Give her time, and one day bring a bf home, show her this is who you are.
    3. This may have been you're fault here, you said bi not gay. This may have lessened the blow to her, but gives her reason to be in denial and cling to hope.

    I know it's hard to deal with now, but take it as it is and see where it goes. I know you want more, but for now give her space. If you have the chance, inject a good word for gays every here and there, but don't push it. You don't want to push her away because you were impatient.