Would you consider me selfish?

  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 05, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    There's this guy I met in January, and we dated for a little after we met. But he travels a lot and towards May-July we didn't see each other often after that.

    Two weeks ago I got to see him and spend time with him.. And every time he sees me he tells me how he's too busy to have a relationship and how beautiful and nice I am and how a great guy will come along for me eventually..

    So two days ago I sent him a text asking if he's free this week to go out for dinner. He responds telling me how he's sorry and that he's dating someone, hopes I understand, etc. So I tell him I understand but it is very ironic.

    So then he goes, "it's not serious right now, I would hang out with you but I would be touchy/feely." I then replied, "Oh it's fine, you don't ever have to worry about that happening."

    To me it comes off very shady.. You tell me all this stuff about how I sweet I am for so long and how you are too busy.. But yet you were just spending time with me two weeks ago being touchy/feely, only to find out all of a sudden you are dating someone.

    It's funny that he always said that he would never want to hurt me. But in a way he did since he made me feel that I was not good enough for him. And so I pretty much cut him off, only because it does not seem he understands the way he really came across. Then again I should be used to it, not the first someone pulled a stunt like this.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    So you're question is if you're selfish? Nope. Not at all. He brushed you off since he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, this backfired and probably hurt your feelings even more since he's a liar.

    Easier said then done I know but you're better off without him.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 05, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidSo you're question is if you're selfish? Nope. Not at all. He brushed you off since he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, this backfired and probably hurt your feelings even more since he's a liar.

    Easier said then done I know but you're better off without him.


    Yeah totally. It definitely did backfire which is probably the funny thing about the situation. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 05, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    Amira said
    IceBucket saidSo you're question is if you're selfish? Nope. Not at all. He brushed you off since he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, this backfired and probably hurt your feelings even more since he's a liar.

    Easier said then done I know but you're better off without him.


    Yeah totally. It definitely did backfire which is probably the funny thing about the situation. icon_lol.gif

    Story of my life. icon_cool.gif

    It stops being funny after the third time or so...
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    Oct 05, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    He's playing you. Don't waste your time on him. Forget him and move on.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 05, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    IceBucket said
    Amira said
    IceBucket saidSo you're question is if you're selfish? Nope. Not at all. He brushed you off since he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, this backfired and probably hurt your feelings even more since he's a liar.

    Easier said then done I know but you're better off without him.


    Yeah totally. It definitely did backfire which is probably the funny thing about the situation. icon_lol.gif

    Story of my life. icon_cool.gif

    It stops being funny after the third time or so...


    Yeah it really isn't funny when it happens to us repeatedly. icon_neutral.gif
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 05, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    Caslon21000 saidHe's playing you. Don't waste your time on him. Forget him and move on.


    Exactly. I'm a nice person but I guess I was too nice since he thought he could pull something like that.
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    Oct 06, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    No, you're not selfish at all. (At least in this context) Rude? I don't think so. In my opinion, he saw you as maybe a friend with benefits, but didn't want to have a ltr.
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    Oct 06, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    Welcome to the life of the traveling man. He just hasn't learned the art of being a player and being honest at the same time. It's a delicate balance that takes years to perfect.
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    Oct 06, 2012 1:02 AM GMT
    No, not from this story.

    You don't fulfill his fantasy, and it's not your job to fulfill his fantasy.
    The quicker you realize that, the better you will be at dating.

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    Oct 06, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    No you are not being selfish... This guy would walk all over you...
    Do not reward his shady sociopathic behaviour with kindness...

    ..From now on you are not available .. icon_evil.gif

    ..If he needs a doormat...please recomend "Walmart" or "Bed Bath and beyond"..!!

    ..You have every right to protect your heart..!!
    You did well Amira..!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Oct 06, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    no, but your definition of irony isn't actual what irony means... so perhaps you aren't using selfish in the right context either
  • highforthis

    Posts: 681

    Oct 06, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    "not wanting to hurt" anyone in gayspeak almost always translates to "lying to cover up one's own sluttyness"
  • squally

    Posts: 180

    Oct 06, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Everyone has said that you are not selfish and I totally agree.
    But the question is, what do you want now?
    Do you want to just have fun with him while he's seeing this "someone else" (There's no harm in that) or do you want to move on (with this option I been advised it's best to cut off contact. Building a friendship from this could be extremely challenging)
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Oct 06, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    move on...the guys an asshole
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Oct 06, 2012 10:25 AM GMT
    I'm sorry OP but reading between the lines of him saying earlier "too busy for a relationship" means that he only wanted to know you for sex, and for whatever reason did not want to have a relationship with you. It does not mean he is actually too busy - it's just a politer way of saying that he only wants you for sex/fun and nothing else. icon_sad.gif

    Best you can do is to consign him to the dustbin and move on to other better nicer guys, if you do see him by accident never let him know he upset you, respect yourself - he is the loser - demonstrate how happy you are (that he is out of your life).

    Ehhh...I think YOU were not being selfish at all! Why did you think that??
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 06, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidNo you are not being selfish... This guy would walk all over you...
    Do not reward his shady sociopathic behaviour with kindness...

    ..From now on you are not available .. icon_evil.gif

    ..If he needs a doormat...please recomend "Walmart" or "Bed Bath and beyond"..!!

    ..You have every right to protect your heart..!!
    You did well Amira..!! icon_biggrin.gif


    You sir are awesome. icon_surprised.gif



  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 06, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    highforthis said"not wanting to hurt" anyone in gayspeak almost always translates to "lying to cover up one's own sluttyness"


    I'm starting to notice that.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 06, 2012 2:21 PM GMT
    squally saidEveryone has said that you are not selfish and I totally agree.
    But the question is, what do you want now?
    Do you want to just have fun with him while he's seeing this "someone else" (There's no harm in that) or do you want to move on (with this option I been advised it's best to cut off contact. Building a friendship from this could be extremely challenging)


    Oh, he's already cut off actually. Plus, when I think about it he was too "busy" anyway to even uphold a friendship.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 06, 2012 2:26 PM GMT
    mindblank saidI'm sorry OP but reading between the lines of him saying earlier "too busy for a relationship" means that he only wanted to know you for sex, and for whatever reason did not want to have a relationship with you. It does not mean he is actually too busy - it's just a politer way of saying that he only wants you for sex/fun and nothing else. icon_sad.gif

    Best you can do is to consign him to the dustbin and move on to other better nicer guys, if you do see him by accident never let him know he upset you, respect yourself - he is the loser - demonstrate how happy you are (that he is out of your life).

    Ehhh...I think YOU were not being selfish at all! Why did you think that??


    You're right I should have read between the lines deeper. Even though my life is pretty darn busy (work and school full-time) I still know that I would not ever be too busy to make time for someone special. So yeah you're right he did just want me for fun.

    At first I thought I was somewhat selfish because I cut him off completely, and it's not that I don't want him to be happy. I just think he could have done a much better job or letting me know beforehand that he wanted to date someone else besides it being a whole sudden surprise .
  • PBLH

    Posts: 196

    Oct 06, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    No you're not selfish, you did exactly what you were supposed to. Keep moving forward I'm sure he will too... Sometime guys get caught up in the idea of what's great and a lot of times they don't know what their doing so they try to latch on to as much as possible to have some sense of security. the one thing he did tell you is that you are pretty and beautiful and you should take that and run with it because there is a guy who's out there for you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 06, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    Selfish is probably the wrong word.. maybe a little "over sensitive", but not selfish.

    I think he communicated the fact he didn't want to continue to date you regularly, maybe not directly enough, but he did. I would have tried to move along, meaning, put him in the "rear vision mirror".

    I'd encourage you to evaluate these experiences reasonably. Too many guys get all dramafied when this happens and it gets all emotion driven..
    think about how you have come across and always try and consider what someone is really telling you beyond that "sweet words"... he might not have had the balls to really tell you what he thinks.

    I can understand your irritation, just don't turn it into a "jading experience", try and learn from it.