to disclose or not, fear or pride?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2008 1:11 AM GMT
    Maybe I'm overestimating based on the latest statistics, but are most profiles on here accurate according to hiv status? We hear all through the media about a new wave of sero-conversions, what's the scoop in the towns, cities of the world?

    Is there still rampant fear of disclosing one's status to potential partners/friends--if so any idea why in 2008?icon_eek.gif

    Can we talk guys, realf.. in Toronto!! xxooicon_question.gificon_exclaim.gificon_redface.gif
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    Aug 28, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    I know a friend who recently got HIV and he told me he's not telling any future hook-ups that he's pos. Granted he's a bottom and plans on using a condom, but I find the scenario so sketchy. I don't trust anyone when they tell me their HIV status. I just use a condom everyone.
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    Aug 28, 2008 4:26 AM GMT
    Well, I'm honest, and I appreciate those that are as well. I guess I'm young and stupid, but I tend to trust if someone discloses both - and + on a profile that requests that information. Either way, I use a condom. There is no need to take a chance. I could most likely live a normal lifespan being positive, but it's not worth the pain, testing, trouble or money maintaining it.
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    Aug 28, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    I'd actually trust a guy who discloses he is positive more than I'd trust a guy who says he is negative. But yeah either way - condom, totally.
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    Aug 28, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidA lot of guys won't have sex with another guy even with condoms when they know that the person they are hoping to bed is positive. Even if they use rubbers.


    I was once of this group, I was scared, naturally. But after a thread here and some articles, I would now though.
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    Aug 28, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    Jakebenson-

    Tell your friend that his non-disclosure of his status since he knows is could be a Felony if he infects someone. There are other ways inwhich he can pass on the virus.

    Federal Law.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:03 PM GMT
    I've hooked-up with guys who in the past (being young and naieve) who had said that their status was negative and then not use a condum. Actually, there were only two individuals with whom the above happened. Growing as an individual, I assumed everyone is positive and always used a condum. The only time I do not use one is if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:46 PM GMT
    Interesting point which brings up a sad double standard.

    Though I'm negative, I would not expect anyone to believe me. Anyone who is smart, shouldn't. It's also unrealistic for me to assume that someone should believe me because I say so. If I get into a long term intimate relationship, I would fully expect to go and get tested together. If we both turn out to be negative at the same time, that would be good information to have. Depending on the trust of the relationship, it may progress depending on the dynamic of the relationship.

    Now, if someone posts that they are positive, there is both a good and bad aspect to this. Granted, from my view, the 'bad' aspect is minimal. I wouldn't hesitate to date and get into a relationship with someone who was positive as I had in the past and simply addressed it with reasonable and rational caution.

    If you honestly state that you are [HIV] positive, then there are people who will not want to date you. As harsh as that may seem (the 'bad' aspect), it will save you a lot of pain later when you disclose it and it ends a relationship you've invested in.

    Basically, it gets down to the moronically simple: "I don't want to date anyone that doesn't want to date me." How often, though, I've seen people completely ignore this rule as if Hollywood magic is going to turn the frog into a prince before our eyes. You'd be better off buy lottery tickets as a retirement investment.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    While I am HIV-, I have several friends and my spouse are HIV+, they have all faced people who totally reject them due to their status.

    My spouse told me on the very first date during the first 15 minutes of the date and added if it was a problem we could end our date right there. I was fine w/ his status and it has never never been a problem or issue w/ us.

    Also, I view everyone as HIV+ and go from there.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    Statistics from the CDC etc are much more reliable the polling profiles.

    There is a large number of HIV positive individuals, gay and straight, who refuse to tell their status. There is also a huge number of people who have no clue what there status is.

    I don't treat everyone like they have HIV but with statistics being what they are I treat everyone like they have a disease. Statistically 1in4 people have an STD.
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    Aug 28, 2008 5:20 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidJakebenson-

    Tell your friend that his non-disclosure of his status since he knows is could be a Felony if he infects someone. There are other ways inwhich he can pass on the virus.

    Federal Law.


    The problem with this is he and I both know the odds of him passing HIV along to another partner are so minimal (it's true, being a bottom with HIV poses a far less risk than say a top without a condom). Because of this he won't tell anyone, and I'm sure anyone who catches HIV from him will be too ashamed to confront him, as he's too ashamed to confront any of his sexual partners in the past to see who gave it to him. I tell ya one thing, I keep a list of my sexual partners. So if I ever get HIV I can go down the list and hunt these bitches one by one.
  • auryn

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    Aug 28, 2008 8:44 PM GMT
    jakebenson saidI know a friend who recently got HIV and he told me he's not telling any future hook-ups that he's pos. Granted he's a bottom and plans on using a condom, but I find the scenario so sketchy. I don't trust anyone when they tell me their HIV status. I just use a condom everyone.


    that's sad. He should seek out a local Newly Diagnosed group and talk through his feelings. Maybe venting in a somewhat controlled and non-judgmental group will help him change his views.