Guys, once again...I need your help

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    Aug 28, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    Recently I have met someone who has become very important to me. He makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me get excited to see him, but most importantly, makes me look forward to the future. icon_lol.gif

    Most of you guys know me....mostly because of the Cameron Chronicle from earlier this year. So you know I'm new to all this! But anyway. This guy has it so all together! He is serving his country, developing a killer body, and is truly the nicest guy you will ever want to meet. He is like where I want to be someday. We have been talking quite a bit lately and we both are very interested in each other! I am so excited about getting to chat with him every day! Here is the problem. I feel like I am not pulling my weight. Yeah, I have been workin out like a hoss and gettin pretty badass gains and gettin healthier every day. I am a great guy, I dont play people, and I have never met a stranger in my life. But, I feel like I have to do whatever I can to keep him diggin me. I dont wanna rock the boat you know? Im not gonna completely change for him! He likes me the way I am, and I couldnt ask for more! That being said, we came across the subject that I dip. (We discussed this on the Cameron thread. Its tobacco that comes in a can and is moist. You stick it in ur lip and u get nicotine from it. Its a country-USA thing for the most part I think.)

    Well I told him I want to quit it, and so he said yeah, you should. I told him I was done.So all today I didn't dip, even though the cravings were brutally intense. Since most of you are probably more familiar with cigarettes, let me translate. When I dip, its about the same as smoking 4 cigarettes. And as much as I dip, its like smoking 30 cigarettes a day. It doesn't affect your lungs tho, just your lips and mouth and throat lol. Technically it is a little safer than smoking (because you can see the cancer forming if it does). In fact, a recent report released said that dipping causes cancers in only 2-4% of users. That number is obviously much higher in smokers. Regardless, I get the MORE NICOTINE than someone that smokes a pack a day! So, I'm hooked pretty hard.

    Then, tonight, around 8, after me and him were done talking, and he was gone, it hit hard. I mean hard. I had the worst headache of my life, I was shaking, and I couldnt concentrate or even type. My hands were sweating profusely, and I was just miserable. I started crying like no other, looking at his picture, and remembering what he said, what we said. Im quitting. For me. For him. For us. Im sitting in the basement at my computer chair, just crying and shaking and screaming. I grab my can of dip, pack it, open it up, and but in a big dip. I sit there, face down in the garbage can (where I had poured another can out in front of him earlier). Im crying like no other still, and I hate myself. I spit out the brown juices into the garbage can as the nicotine calms me down. My headache goes away, and I send him a message about my failure.

    This is what I cant take. I cant the fact that I cant keep my word. He is the best guy I have ever talked to, and I just cant grasp the fact that I let him down. I let me down. I want to quit, but 5 years ago at the football game, all I wanted was to try it once, for the buzz. For the fun.

    I don't know what to do guys. I f*cked up. I know I'm addicted and so does he. But whats causing me to be so terribly upset about this? Is this me falling for the guy of my dreams? Why cant I keep the first promise I make to him? Maybe I am overreacting, but I still let him down. I know he will be like Tyler, its OK man, take it one day at a time, but I cant stop thinkin about how I have already messed up. I don't want him to think I am any less dedicated to me and him than he is. And I have never, ever, ever felt this way before.

    Thank you guys for giving me the time of day again! I love you all!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2008 1:23 AM GMT
    Call a smoking quit hotline, get some nicotine replacement, and stop thinking that failing at quitting cold turkey has something to do with your relationship. Nicotine addiction is hard. Keep trying.
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    Aug 28, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    This promise that has nothing to do with keeping your commitment to the guy.

    This is a chemical addiction and your brain has been changed by it. Your brain will have to undergo a physical and physiological change to get back to normal.

    Physiological change is not a fast process, like flipping a light switch.

    First, the nicotine must be removed from your system.

    Your brain must sense this absence.

    Then the tissue of your brain must begin to change physically and psychologically.

    This will take time....a long time.

    I understand this process very well after being on the drugs used in cancer therapy.

    I would recommend seeing what can be done to ameliorate the effects of your withdrawal during this physiological change and healing.

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    Aug 28, 2008 1:47 AM GMT
    Thanks guys! I guess its more about the fact that I let him down. I guess my promise was too steep lol. But It still gets to me u know?
  • HndsmKansan

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    Aug 28, 2008 1:54 AM GMT
    Tyler,
    First I think it says so much about who you are by the degree of seriousness you are placing on this "no tobacco" goal.

    Always talk to him about about issues like this. If he knows and appreciates you, he will understand your struggle and will help and encourage you. You are no failure, set the goal, work toward it and do it for yourself.

    I think its great that you want to be the best "you", but again make any goals you set (via exercising) or anything else obtainable over time.
    You are no failure. You are to be commended for your sincerity, just make it practical... and always feel free to share.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:02 AM GMT
    I think the problem is that your promise was not realistic. If this had been a change of attitiude that you promised then perhaps a drastic change could have been accomplished in so little time. But you can't force your body to change so quickly.

    I too have been in the situation where you want to do crazy things to impress someone you like, so the fact that this situation gets to you is normal. Don't think you're disappointing him because he probably respects the fact that you're commited to quitting. If he's reasonable he'll understand how hard that is. So don't let this get you down so much because I think you're being too hard on yourself. And avoid showing him how frustrated/disappointed you are. You don't want to scare the guy away.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    dowal saidAnd avoid showing him how frustrated/disappointed you are. You don't want to scare the guy away.



    Oh shit! lol. Your right. Man, I cant even think right now! Thank you
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:12 AM GMT
    If this guy really cares for you, then it shouldn't matter if you are a smoker or not. As long as you keep your habit outside in the open air, and not in the house or a confined space with him, then it should not be an issue.

    I certainly would urge you to get help to quit though. Smoking is one thing fairly certain to shorten the lifespan of most people and will inhibit the cardio range of most people. You notice I said "most," not "all."

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    Aug 28, 2008 2:13 AM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIf this guy really cares for you, then it shouldn't matter if you are a smoker or not. As long as you keep your habit outside in the open air, and not in the house or a confined space with him, then it should not be an issue.

    I certainly would urge you to get help to quit though. Smoking is one thing fairly certain to shorten the lifespan of most people and will inhibit the cardio range of most people. You notice I said "most," not "all."



    lol I dont smoke man, I dip lol. Thats one thing he said he was glad I dont smoke and make others smell like it tho!
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    Trocks797 said
    dowal saidAnd avoid showing him how frustrated/disappointed you are. You don't want to scare the guy away.



    Oh shit! lol. Your right. Man, I cant even think right now! Thank you


    I said that because, if you're like me, this strong feeling of disappointment will go away after a couple of days, so you should not make a big deal out of it if it's not necessary.

    I hope it works out for you with this guy icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:18 AM GMT
    Thank you. I really hope it does too. Its this constant joy feeling I havent felt before.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:33 AM GMT
    Sorry. My bad. Dipping is a little more serious in terms of throat and mouth cancers, plus it does leave a taste in your mouth.

    Nonetheless... I stand by what I said. If I were really interested in you, it wouldn't matter if you smoked or dipped.
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    Thanks man, I guess I am just using this new relationship to help give me that boost i need. you know?
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    Aug 28, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    I disagree, if he was really interested in you for the long haul he would want you to quit. And you should quit.

    Call that hotline. In your county the number is 502/574-STOP.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:12 AM GMT
    First of all, you need to calm down. I recognize that you're disappointed, but its not the end of the world.

    The average smoker requires about 8 tries to quit. and as you said, dipping is about 4 times as powerful. Expect it to take more time.

    Coming from someone who quit smoking, its all about controlling the craving. I would say that the best way for you to quit would be to go until the craving is extreme (headaches) and then dip a very small fraction of what you normally would. This will ease the craving, and you are dpping a far lesser quantity. When you get to the point where a small dose can hold you over for a day, then go one day without, and if the craving is still there do a very small amount and take 2 days off. There will be a point where you have to actually commit and just give it up. I was able to quit cold turkey, but thats not for everyone. If it becomes really extreme, try a nicotine gum, but buy the lowest possible dosage and do the same reduction method, because people get addicted to the gum as well.

    Best of luck, and congratulations on taking the first steps to quitting.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    YOU'VE BEEN DIPPING?!?!?!?!? Are you crazy?! STOP IT!!!!!!! It's disgusting in every single way. OK, I know or atleast you hope you know that but I had to say something.

    As for the connection between your addiction and him, keep them separate!! Do not do it for him, depend on him for support, or connect them in any way. It's a personal battle that you need to be strong enough to fight yourself. Don't feel any guilt because of a promise to him, make the promise to yourself!! With that said, be completely honest with him when it comes up. Just face it and move on.

    Consider other natural relaxation techniques like chewing gum, exercise, meditation, jerking off, or a hobby. Over time you will become satisfied with yourself and release the urge for the replacement of the dipping. I would highly recommend meditation and remember that the headaches, forgive the pun, are all mental. You are stressing without it and you need to release the stress. Consider yourself, be selfish, and take the time to relax.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    I'm guessing that while you are so worried about how much you're letting him down, you actually are letting him down less than you are yourself. I would think the fact that you are working on it and putting a goal in place means more to him than being able to quit cold turkey. Be honest, be realistic, and keep your goal in place. And when and if you screw up, be honest about it and start over...Hopefully, he'll recognize your efforts and be the support base that he should be if he cares about you. Good luck man.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:42 AM GMT
    Tyler STFU
    Stop being an attention whore and get off the dip icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:47 AM GMT
    Ikaros saidTyler STFU
    Stop being an attention whore and get off the dip icon_razz.gif



    So, thanks to everyone else lol. Andres man, you gotta realize that I am not as mature as you. Not as skilled as you. And not as COLUMBIAN as you. Be nice. You know RJ is my only support here lol.
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    LOL dude im kidding icon_razz.gif
    It's kinda hard to take your thread seriously when you're telling me the same thing over the phone at the same time
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    Well... I smoke! There I said it. And the start of my quitting is looming closer. So no advice here. *sighs*
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:50 AM GMT
    You smoke? What do you smoke man? Sucks, trying to quit, dont it!
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    Aug 28, 2008 3:50 AM GMT
    Eric smokes?
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    Aug 28, 2008 4:01 AM GMT
    Trocks.

    Baby steps my friend....baby steps. You NEVER quit cold turkey. I watched my roommate try to quit chewing this summer because he said he wanted to do it for himself and for no one else. I applauded his efforts and he lasted about a week before he started back up. I assumed he would as he thought he could just quit cold turkey and come off the nicotine addiction. It just doesn't happen that way. I think it's admirable that you are making the effort to quit. To me, that IS the first step in quitting an addiction. Acknowledging the problem. Now strategize how you can overcome that addiction and take baby steps to reach your goal of living a nicotine free lifestyle. Best Wishes...Hiker
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    Aug 28, 2008 4:15 AM GMT
    Tyler-

    I know darn well you have the conviction! You can do it.

    I would consider discussing your desire to quit with your physician though; there are over-the-counter AND prescription remedies (nicotine replacement, cessation-assistance products) that might help ease the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms.

    Hang in there!