How do you cope with loneliness?

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    Oct 07, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    I'm incredibly young, (20) and really want to finally have a boyfriend. my friends are limited so I haven't gotten out that much, which surprises people because I'm very much and extrovert. I feel like I'll never meet anyone and it eats away at me everyday, and everyday I have this painful emptiness inside that almost drives me to tears, which is terrible because I have a very "happy-go-luck" personality. I'm 100% a virgin and want to save myself for someone who loves me. I unfortunately gave my first kiss away in may to a guy who didn't deserve it because I wanted to "be wanted" so badly. it's gotten a little easier but is distractingly difficult to endure sometimes like today and very lonely nights. so my question in all my pathetic annoying story telling is, how does somebody become okay with never been loved romantically, how do you be okay with being alone for a long time and feeling content with it? what are some things you do keep your mind off the subject?
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    Oct 07, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    Get a puppy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 07, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidGet a puppy icon_biggrin.gif


    I own he single person pet...a cat... hahahaha
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    Oct 07, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    Get a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:30 PM GMT
    Maybe it's time to get in touch with your creative side?
    OP you are young and full of life and energy.. .Maybe going out a bit more could help??
    ..At 20 years old it might seem that having a boyfriend is the answer to lonliness..but really you should also be your best friend..!! icon_biggrin.gif

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    Oct 07, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.


    I used to be the same way.....but after my first time, all of that Days of our lives shit I would tell myself went right out the window....now, I just like getting screwed icon_lol.gif (but I'm not promiscuous lol)
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidMaybe it's time to get in touch with your creative side?
    OP you are young and full of life and energy.. .Maybe going out a bit more could help??
    ..At 20 years old it might seem that having a boyfriend is the answer to lonliness..but really you should also be your best friend..!! icon_biggrin.gif



    your absolutely right, 100%, but it very hard, don't know where to go usually, I've taken myself to shows before, but just to go home and feel even more lonely later on. friends don't even seem all that important, love does, and I know in y mind it's stupid to think that way but my feelings say otherwise.
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 said
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.


    I used to be the same way.....but after my first time, all of that Days of our lives shit I would tell myself went right out the window....now, I just like getting screwed icon_lol.gif (but I'm not promiscuous lol)


    I don't want to be like that everybody says the same thing to me "just go out n have sex" I don't want meaningless sex, most people don't believe me when I say if I have sex with some joe shmo, I'll feel really terrible, like a part of me is missing. more so then already. can't and refuse to do that.
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    Daveyarri20 said
    BlackCat90 said
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.


    I used to be the same way.....but after my first time, all of that Days of our lives shit I would tell myself went right out the window....now, I just like getting screwed icon_lol.gif (but I'm not promiscuous lol)


    I don't want to be like that everybody says the same thing to me "just go out n have sex" I don't want meaningless sex, most people don't believe me when I say if I have sex with some joe shmo, I'll feel really terrible, like a part of me is missing. more so then already. can't and refuse to do that.


    haha I understand entirely icon_wink.gif Good job on sticking to your guns icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    Awwww...Well don't feel bad about it..
    ..It's natural to wan't to be loved on a romantic level.. It's only human.
    .But till then..till you meet Mr. Right.. How about making sure Dave is perfectly ok..
    ..Art.. Fitness..Charity Work...Volenteering..
    There are so many things you can do to enrich your life..!
    ..How about travelling?..Writing Music?

    ..20 years old ..tons of energy and the world at your fingertips.. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 07, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.
    If you're "dating" (ie. hanging out with) someone, and if there is a sexual nature occasionally involved while hanging out, and if that person does not live with you, then s/he is a fwb. It's more commonly known as a non-live-in boyfriend. And if you only want one, then only get one.
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidAwwww...Well don't feel bad about it..
    ..It's natural to wan't to be loved on a romantic level.. It's only human.
    .But till then..till you meet Mr. Right.. How about making sure Dave is perfectly ok..
    ..Art.. Fitness..Charity Work...Volenteering..
    There are so many things you can do to enrich your life..!
    ..How about travelling?..Writing Music?

    ..20 years old ..tons of energy and the world at your fingertips.. icon_biggrin.gif


    perhaps I'm to selfish, I should try to do those things again shouldn't I...
    Thing is it's made me so depressed to the point where I wouldn't write songs anymore, or do anything anymore, I did poorly in school, I just felt an feel so low and unwanted, and with no friends really to ask for you or want you around only with the constants surroundings of the sheltered childhood you always had at your parents house, you felt lack of motivation, why even try. my bed pretty much has been my medication, sleeping away time so it doesn't sting so much, tried getting a job, five interviews, did everything right, the snowy white hair before you was not present, wore a suit, gave good answers.. no dice. so I gave up for a while let stuff go to hell for bit, now I have more positive goals in minds but it's very difficult, depression on top of loneliness and insomnia, wears you out, but I'm working on it, I'm getting there, lust and affection seem to be my achilles heel. I don't want to mope anymore, but it's very hard.
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.
    If you're "dating" (ie. hanging out with) someone, and if there is a sexual nature occasionally involved while hanging out, and if that person does not live with you, then s/he is a fwb. It's more commonly known as a non-live-in boyfriend. And if you only want one, then only get one.


    I want love before sex, not sex before love.
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:15 AM GMT
    Dave i see what your'e saying above..now you are opening up more about your depression..
    .. If you feel depression is taking over your life..time to get some help..!
    ..If you feel you should be out there living a happy fullfilling life and you can't seem to get to that point..It's time to really get some help..!
    ..Is there anyone at all you can talk to??
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes said
    Daveyarri20 said
    paulflexes saidGet a fwb. icon_biggrin.gif


    I want my first time to be meaningful, I would get way to emotionally attached just after the first time,a very upset if it was just to random person. so thats completely out of the question.
    If you're "dating" (ie. hanging out with) someone, and if there is a sexual nature occasionally involved while hanging out, and if that person does not live with you, then s/he is a fwb. It's more commonly known as a non-live-in boyfriend. And if you only want one, then only get one.


    I want love before sex, not sex before love.
    If it's a person you're not physically attracted to and have no sexual interest in, would you bother loving him?
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
    Daveyarri20 said

    perhaps I'm to selfish, I should try to do those things again shouldn't I...
    Thing is it's made me so depressed to the point where I wouldn't write songs anymore, or do anything anymore, I did poorly in school, I just felt an feel so low and unwanted, and with no friends really to ask for you or want you around only with the constants surroundings of the sheltered childhood you always had at your parents house, you felt lack of motivation, why even try. my bed pretty much has been my medication, sleeping away time so it doesn't sting so much, tried getting a job, five interviews, did everything right, the snowy white hair before you was not present, wore a suit, gave good answers.. no dice. so I gave up for a while let stuff go to hell for bit, now I have more positive goals in minds but it's very difficult, depression on top of loneliness and insomnia, wears you out, but I'm working on it, I'm getting there, lust and affection seem to be my achilles heel. I don't want to mope anymore, but it's very hard.


    I think you just do not enjoy being by yourself and need company to help you balance yourself out. I believe you are not the only one who is this way, granted. Many people hate being alone and it really grates on them being isolated but there is liberty in solitude that is otherwise not present in company. It's freeing yourself from the idea that being 'alone' is something caustic and detrimental to your being. I think human beings need time to be alone, to help channel, reflection, and think on their own two feet free from the waves of influence/thought of others.

    I think you are also depressed with the way things are going in your life right now. You need someone to talk to, someone to open to, to wash away the grease and dirt that life threw you into. That's completely okay and warranted. We sometimes need people to help us up and let us feel better about ourselves, especially when everything else seems to be going against us. But we also have to learn to work against the grain, to release ourselves from the guilt and pressures of society. That's something we gain better understanding in through self-reflection, through introspection. Working at the bone to shine components of ourselves that are otherwise lacking or sagging behind.

    We put love and lust naturally at our sleeves for we are human, and we are men. We want stimulation, lots of it. We want to be attractive, to be wanted again especially when things don't seem to want us so much anymore. Love and Lust are our coping devices, our medicine when we get sick from loneliness. Though, like a virus, the effects come and go with time and resting gently instead of demolishing ourselves to find someone. Your heart is like your immunity, it needs help from you to bring itself out and it cannot unless you give it patience, patience to grow in this time of pain.

    Seek yourself out in solitude and find things to enjoy, being in that time because if you don't, nothing else you do or say will matter. Nothing else anyone else tells you to do will matter. You will not go to the mall by yourself, you will not make music, you will not write, take quiet coffee breaks, take yourself to the bars to drink, or bring yourself to dance because you're so turned off by being by yourself.
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    I am in a situation similar to you. Longing for love and friendship, when I know it is impossible for the time being. I just try to focus on the present and tell myself in five years, I'll finally be in a place to do whatever I want, and be who I want to be. Depression is the first stage of grieving, acceptance is the final. Just give it some time.
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:39 AM GMT


    Hi Davey...You want to fall in love before you do anything sexual about it. That's absolutely A O K.

    You haven't found this love, and it hasn't found you, so you're feeling down because you're pining for it.

    ...and it is OK to pine for it, but not to a self punishing degree. icon_wink.gif

    Consider this, young Jedi, that this yearning is natural, it was for us, and that you can control it, rather than it control you. You can express it like our fine Anocxu as said, and stick to your guns like our fine Blackcat90 has said.

    Be creative in your expression, whether it be in writing, drawing, or whatever else you like to do.

    Get out there and make some friendships and make some emotional connections that way, like our fine Paulflexes has mentioned. The more people you meet and have fun with and develop connections with the greater the odds get that you'll meet one who will twing you, and you will twang them.

    very warmly,

    -Doug of meninlove
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:40 AM GMT


    PS oh damn ParadiseLost and WayToDawn posted while I was replying so I forgot to mention them (both really nice guys)

    icon_redface.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    Get Hobbies!
    Live your life!
    Be Happy ANYWAYS!
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    JR_RJ saidGet Hobbies!
    Live your life!
    Be Happy ANYWAYS!


    ...and here's JR, yet another angel in your pocket.

    Hi JR. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    PS oh damn ParadiseLost and WayToDawn posted while I was replying so I forgot to mention them (both really nice guys)

    icon_redface.gif


    LOVE YOU DOUGIEEEE. icon_biggrin.gif <3 <3 <3 *Tackle hugs*

    He's really nice too. :3 Way more than I am. +D
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    JR_RJ saidGet Hobbies!
    Live your life!
    Be Happy ANYWAYS!


    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. icon_biggrin.gif My handsome man. *Tackle hugs* How you doin' sexeh? ;3
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    Oct 08, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    VODKA!
    period