Identifying what makes you attractive

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    What ways to you find what makes you attractive to other people? I have no idea what my strengths are in attracting other men.
  • haiqtpi

    Posts: 29

    Oct 08, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    The SINGLE most attractive thing a guy can have is confidence. Perfect bodies, skin, and hair are dime a dozen (at least here in NY). Regardless of what someone thinks are their flaws, their insecurities are usually the most off putting.

    Try not focus on what you think is wrong with you, hit the gym consistently and most mental and physical issues will remedy themselves, and all the meanwhile just be confident in who you are icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    haiqtpi saidThe SINGLE most attractive thing a guy can have is confidence. Perfect bodies, skin, and hair are dime a dozen (at least here in NY). Regardless of what someone thinks are their flaws, their insecurities are usually the most off putting.

    Try not focus on what you think is wrong with you, hit the gym consistently and most mental and physical issues will remedy themselves, and all the meanwhile just be confident in who you are icon_smile.gif

    ...until it turns into complete arrogance and they think that unkempt hair and looking generally like a bum is attractive.
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    Oct 08, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]haiqtpi said[/cite]The SINGLE most attractive thing a guy can have is confidence. Perfect bodies, skin, and hair are dime a dozen (at least here in NY). Regardless of what someone thinks are their flaws, their insecurities are usually the most off putting.

    Try not focus on what you think is wrong with you, hit the gym consistently and most mental and physical issues will remedy themselves, and all the meanwhile just be confident in who you are icon_smile.gif[/

    confidence is overrated, in my opinion. A lot of "confident guys" lack self-awareness and are arrogant pricks I rather wouldn't be around.
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    Oct 08, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    I see you are having a lot of trouble with your self-esteem judging by the threads you have made, and thats ok. I will tell you this though dude, fake it till you make it. Just accept the fact that you will not be everyone's cup of tea.

    I'm 5'5 and 135 lbs for God's sake!!! And I can assure you I have pulled some FINE motherfuckin men. It's all about confidence and working with what you got. I don't expect guys who aren't into short Latinos to be into me. But guess what? There are plenty who do. It's all about finding your "market" and closing in on them.

    In regards to appearance,if you are truly unhappy with yourself physically, the best thing to do is take tiny steps to improve how you look. Look at magazines and get ideas for new haircuts, clothes, and trends. But don't get any unrealistic expectations that you will wake up one day looking like a fitness model. Even then, I can gurantee you there will be something else you will still want. That's life.


    But you will probably hear this alot, confidence is key to attracting people, gay or straight.If you don't have any, fake it!!! It's still better than being with a depressed person. I know for me, if I see a confident top, that certainly wins him some points with me. And knowing the men I attract (lost souls) more than likely they will have some issues, we ALL do....but until then, fake it till you make it!!!
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    Is there perhaps a connection between those who appreciate 'confidence' and those who later find it difficult to cope with the flaws a partner exhibits?
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    I don't know if I can identify specific physical features that may make me attractive, but I find that my confidence (not the best, but still acceptable in my eyes) honesty, and good nature may make me attractive.

    ... Looking back at that comment, I'm not sure if any of that adds to my level of attraction.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    Confidence. That's super sexy if not respectable.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    I don't get what people mean by faking confidence. That sounds worse than being really insecure.

    Just learn to laugh at yourself appropriately, crack a few witty jokes, hopefully be intelligent in one way or another, and understand that people who are perfect on paper can still be boring as heck.

    It's not a good sign if you need muscles to compensate for a lack of personality.

    You're thirty years old, i think you can learn fast. You'll be okay.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    CrispyC saidI don't get what people mean by faking confidence. That sounds worse than being really insecure.

    Just learn to laugh at yourself appropriately, crack a few witty jokes, hopefully be intelligent in one way or another, and understand that people who are perfect on paper can still be boring as heck.

    It's not a good sign if you need muscles to compensate for a lack of personality.

    You're thirty years old, i think you can learn fast. You'll be okay.



    I'll give you an example....

    Let's say you are new in town and you know very little people. But you get invited to a party/dinner/etc by someone and most of the people there you don't know. But you want to meet new friends and so go anyways. You are nervous and anxious. Instead of letting that show, you suck it up and try to have fun. Introduce yourself, crack jokes, asks for numbers or to hang out later. Even if you are shitting yourself on the inside. What good will it do to go to a social event and not talk to anyone or at least try and be yourself. Even if you are scared, just "fake" like you are not. It's better than acting like you have a stick up your ass.....


    Thats what I meant.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    CrispyC saidI don't get what people mean by faking confidence. That sounds worse than being really insecure.

    Just learn to laugh at yourself appropriately, crack a few witty jokes, hopefully be intelligent in one way or another, and understand that people who are perfect on paper can still be boring as heck.

    It's not a good sign if you need muscles to compensate for a lack of personality.

    You're thirty years old, i think you can learn fast. You'll be okay.



    I'll give you an example....

    Let's say you are new in town and you know very little people. But you get invited to a party/dinner/etc by someone and most of the people there you don't know. But you want to meet new friends and so go anyways. You are nervous and anxious. Instead of letting that show, you suck it up and try to have fun. Introduce yourself, crack jokes, asks for numbers or to hang out later. Even if you are shitting yourself on the inside. What good will it do to go to a social event and not talk to anyone or at least try and be yourself. Even if you are scared, just "fake" like you are not. It's better than acting like you have a stick up your ass.....


    Thats what I meant.


    Hey : )

    Well yeah i do get where you're coming from and what you said is better than going somewhere and being all negative. But i see that as just common nervousness as opposed to a lack of confidence (which is deeper). I think the too are different.

    I guess i looked too much in what you meant by 'faking' confidence, because if you had to really fake it around people then it becomes tiresome. Not to mention, it would be extremely transparent and not very attractive.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    principal0 saidIs there perhaps a connection between those who appreciate 'confidence' and those who later find it difficult to cope with the flaws a partner exhibits?

    Not an especially cheery thought.


    The question is whether it's an accurate observation. I feel it might in fact be the case. I have been subject to expectations of perfection before, and wonder if I might have been indulging this fantasy with my own behavior.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:50 AM GMT
    How am I supposed to know what other people find attractive about me? More importantly, why should I care? It's not like I can do much about it. I've been told I have nice eyes, but I can't change them anyway, so why stress about it?
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    big man jugs

    chest.jpg

    big man can

    150513-334x250.jpg

    big man package

    huge_bulge.jpg

    that is all.
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    CrispyC said
    jmusmc85 said
    CrispyC saidI don't get what people mean by faking confidence. That sounds worse than being really insecure.

    Just learn to laugh at yourself appropriately, crack a few witty jokes, hopefully be intelligent in one way or another, and understand that people who are perfect on paper can still be boring as heck.

    It's not a good sign if you need muscles to compensate for a lack of personality.

    You're thirty years old, i think you can learn fast. You'll be okay.



    I'll give you an example....

    Let's say you are new in town and you know very little people. But you get invited to a party/dinner/etc by someone and most of the people there you don't know. But you want to meet new friends and so go anyways. You are nervous and anxious. Instead of letting that show, you suck it up and try to have fun. Introduce yourself, crack jokes, asks for numbers or to hang out later. Even if you are shitting yourself on the inside. What good will it do to go to a social event and not talk to anyone or at least try and be yourself. Even if you are scared, just "fake" like you are not. It's better than acting like you have a stick up your ass.....


    Thats what I meant.


    Hey : )

    Well yeah i do get where you're coming from and what you said is better than going somewhere and being all negative. But i see that as just common nervousness as opposed to a lack of confidence (which is deeper). I think the too are different.

    I guess i looked too much in what you meant by 'faking' confidence, because if you had to really fake it around people then it becomes tiresome. Not to mention, it would be extremely transparent and not very attractive.


    It can count for your inner confidence as well. Believe me, I have a slew on insecurities of my own. But I'll be damned if every Tom, Dick, and Harry knows what they are. In the OP's case, he is afraid to go to the gym because he is worried of what others might think. I say, fuck 'em!!!!

    First off, I highly doubt anyone will pay much attention to someone else at the gym. Even if he is over weight, I have never seen any negativity directed towards overweight people while working out.


    Secondly, he should not limit himself from getting in shape because he is worried about what others might think. Even if he is worried, suck it up and go to the gym. Fake like you don't care until you get to the point where you truly don't give a fuck about what others think. And hopefully by that time, he will also be in better shape physically.

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    Oct 08, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    jprichva saidIt's your air of constantly-impending doom that makes you hot, Damocles.

    Is that what the cloud is that has been following me around?
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidbig man jugs

    chest.jpg

    big man can

    150513-334x250.jpg

    big man package

    huge_bulge.jpg

    that is all.


    Typical Mexican stealing images....icon_mad.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    jprichva saidIt's your air of constantly-impending doom that makes you hot, Damocles.

    Is that what the cloud is that has been following me around?


    not quite

    pigpen.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said

    Typical Mexican stealing images....icon_mad.gif


    I swear they were just left there unattended!
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    Oct 08, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidnot quite

    pigpen.gif


    So....you're saying hygiene is important to some guys? Like it's a fetish or something? icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    I tell you what, you just got to strengthen your Mars! ,go to Gym or do a sport that you love doing, sweat it out. Forget about the world a little bit just you and your determination on doing what you really really love, sweat it out or workout at least, challenge yourself and from there on you will see how things will change. The minimal first attraction you could do is physical maybe your hair "blah blahblah blah" like Dracula(in Hotel Transylvania), but then again personality always buys bigger larger better people out there whomever you attract and those are quality ones. I am not saying a must 2 hours gym everyday, just a light sprint run or swimming,cycling, just go, as long you are healthy! attraction comes your way!

    Part 2: Be experimental! you never know what flame you got inside... alright icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 08, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    principal0 said
    jprichva said
    principal0 saidIs there perhaps a connection between those who appreciate 'confidence' and those who later find it difficult to cope with the flaws a partner exhibits?

    Not an especially cheery thought.


    The question is whether it's an accurate observation. I feel it might in fact be the case. I have been subject to expectations of perfection before, and wonder if I might have been indulging this fantasy with my own behavior.

    Yeah, well sometimes I think you're perfectly nuts, if that's any help. icon_smile.gif


    Pfft. Take a number on that one. Besides, I prefer to think of it as having a unique outlook on life. icon_idea.gif

    Besides, it's a valid question.
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    Oct 08, 2012 9:50 AM GMT
    I don't think there is any one thing that makes a guy attractive to me. A hot body with an empty personality isn't really good for too many things.

    I've wondered how to discover my "strengths". Whatever they are, they seem to occur without much thought on my part. I'm betting whatever your strengths are, they happen and you're not even aware of them.

    Maybe focusing in on just one aspect of yourself isn't the best approach initially. As cliche as it sounds, maybe you need to find yourself first, then you can focus in on individual aspects of yourself. Faking confidence is just another facade that guys will eventually get through.

    I saw a cartoon once that said, "All you can do is to get very good at being you." Don't compare yourself to others and focus on what makes you who you are. If you want to change your appearance, do it because you want to.

    Yeah, sounds hokie. I thought that when it was told to me. But, as I've matured, I'm finding some truth to it.

    Chin up, buddy.
  • NorthChinaLi

    Posts: 241

    Oct 08, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    mikeinslc saidWhat ways to you find what makes you attractive to other people? I have no idea what my strengths are in attracting other men.


    my body naked
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    Oct 08, 2012 12:37 PM GMT
    a sense of humor...cuz my technique "sucks". ;-)