My boyfriend is a total top and I'm completely vers. What to do?

  • Lub_ag

    Posts: 1

    Oct 08, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    So my boyfriend and I are running into a problem because I'm completely vers and he is a total top. Occasionally I would like to top, but he doesn't like it. He has tried to bottom for me, but he just doesn't get any enjoyment from it.

    We have set a "hall pass" system allowing me to go out a do who ever and not get in trouble. My problem is that I greatly value monogamy and don't want to violate this value of mine.

    In all, what should he and I try to do I order to overcome this problem?
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Oct 08, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Well that's a common problem that I'm sure many other people run into but I say that you two should explore even further on levels of intimacy. I'm not too familiar with what all you two do exactly in the bedroom, but I am saying that if you haven't already to go further into exploring eachother's turn-ons.

    So what I am saying is to take all the things that you two mutually enjoy in the bedroom, and find creative ways to make them more intense so that you don't feel like sexually you're having a void in having your pleasure fulfilled.

    Also, maybe in time he will be more comfortable with bottoming for you. I would say just give it time and don't ruin the monogamous quality of the relationship just because of that one little thing. Improve upon the mutual fantasies you both enjoy in new ways.
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    Oct 08, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    Send him my way....icon_twisted.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 08, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    Fleshjack
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
    Lub_ag saidSo my boyfriend and I are running into a problem because I'm completely vers and he is a total top. Occasionally I would like to top, but he doesn't like it. He has tried to bottom for me, but he just doesn't get any enjoyment from it.

    We have set a "hall pass" system allowing me to go out a do who ever and not get in trouble. My problem is that I greatly value monogamy and don't want to violate this value of mine.

    In all, what should he and I try to do I order to overcome this problem?


    Hmn.. Well, that is quite the conundrum. I am not sure what I'd do either. I am not exactly sure if that hole can be filled either considering you are both monogamous and do not outsource your sexual needs onto others.

    A fleshjack is not the same thing either and creativity opens only so much space. It does not replace the desire one may have what they simply cannot. And you cannot force a person to accept the position of being anything-- a top or a bottom.

    I guess I try to nip this dilemma in the bud before I sign onto any relationship. I -must- be with a man who is fully willing to be versatile with me. Total anythings just don't cut it for me. I find them to be sexually boring and find any extraneous attitudes that they may attach to such positions annoying (e.g. 'roles').

    Unhappiness is not good in a monogamous relationship. It may eat up (slowly) the enjoyable aspects of your relationship-- not to be a pessimist or fatalistic here. :/ If you are what you are, a true and complete versatile man, to have someone who only proscribes to one position, it makes it hard for you to truly enjoy yourself and be appreciated in the fullest extent of your being. This is one such way and it seems to me it's important, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 09, 2012 12:27 AM GMT
    The way my friends cope with it is to (together) find a 3rd guy who they both consider a good friend. That way the sex still involves a lot of trust.
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    Oct 09, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    Sexual incompatibility.. This could be a really big issue if now handled between you two..
    ..Always room for compromise when it comes to sex.. icon_biggrin.gif
  • squally

    Posts: 180

    Oct 09, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    Perhaps ask him what part of being a bottom does he not like? By asking the right questions and understanding his needs may be the key to him feeling more comfortable being a bottom for you.
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    Oct 09, 2012 8:33 AM GMT
    If monogamy is valued so highly, don't compromise it. It can't be worth it.

    This sounds like his issue as he cannot find himself in a good place being a bottom. There does need to be a compromise if the relationship is to continue.

    Lots of foreplay and lube sounds like a solution. But hell, I always say that's the solution.
  • janu88

    Posts: 346

    Oct 09, 2012 10:44 AM GMT
    You cant make him like bottoming.
    So forget that idea, I guess your sentenced to be a bottom good luck!icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 09, 2012 1:36 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidYou two have lots of options... but none are what you're hoping for.
    Like yourself, I'm totally versatile (thank God for that!!!) so I find enjoyment in both and lean toward top like your BF. I've dated guys that were only Tops before and it does become boring sexually when you have the urge to share yourself with him and he's won't budge an inch.
    If he was a FB, and you didn't live together, it works just fine, but when you plan to be monogamous with someone and build a life with them, you'll need to find another Vers. guy.

    My man is Vers. and we go through spurts of changing roles and sometimes having a flip in the same session. Both very oral and dominate yet knowing how to go wild when bottoming.
    So, your options are having him turn you on with a fleshlight, laying him on his stomach and fuck him between the closed legs on his taint or find another bf.
    I say this because WE ALL KNOW,, if someone is not into it.. the whole SLOW fuck while they writhe in pain makes for a non-orgasm and horrible experience.

    It's a pity if you love this guy and kinda amazing if he's giving you a hall pass.
    I'll be interesting to see if you actually take that pass and if you find it rewarding in the least.


    ♫ Tony is amaaaazing. ♫ icon_biggrin.gif

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    Oct 10, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    Thank your lucky stars. There are tons of "tops," vers, and bottoms who would trade places with you in a jiffy.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 10, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said...It's a pity if you love this guy and kinda amazing if he's giving you a hall pass.
    I'll be interesting to see if you actually take that pass and if you find it rewarding in the least.





    agree icon_exclaim.gif
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    Oct 11, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    Pretty much, it has been said by others. But a few extra thoughts:
    Assuming he does not have to fuck you every time you have sex (that would be a bore) (there is oral and handjobs) - you may be deprived of fucking - but not orgasm.
    He does have a prostate, right? Does using your finger to stimulate while blowing him get him off?

    And has he tried drugs? Not the hard stuff like meth (which although probably wonderful feeling, is deadly) but eXstacy? And maybe poppers? Both in different ways, can greatly increase the pleasure of having something up the ass.