Spiritreaver saidHe has every right to be disgusted and turned off when people ask for sex on Grindr when he is not looking for it. ESPECIALLY if his profile states that he not interested in hookups.
Grindr is not an app for looking for sex. That is how people have chosen to use it for. It is a tool for meeting people. Period. Nothing more. People are allowed to use it any way they wish. Yes it is the norm to look for sex, but telling someone to not use it for other means is silly, as many people have gotten more than sex off Grindr or other sites.
My biggest issue with people using that whole, "Looking for love in all the wrong places" shtick, is that they never give advice for WHERE to go about forming something toward the road to a relationship.
For some people, they don't live in an area with a thriving gay community. They also may not easily attract people who are gay, even in highly social situations (school, work, friends). Where else are these people going to turn to but online sites, apps, and clubs/bars? None of these are really all that great either.
I speak from someone also struggling with this issue. I have tried everything from leaving myself open, going online, not looking for a relationship at all (the, let it come to you approach), and the bar hop shit. My one and only real successful relationship came from RJ, back when I first joined.
I've sort of taken the stance that it's just not worth it right now. The "wait for it" approach is the easiest path to choose because you're not left thinking about it much. That and you don't have to deal with all the guys who are just around to waste your time.
EDIT: I have also been on a shitton of "dates" that ended with the guy just wanting sex regardless of how much he wanted "more" before the date. I have given in sometimes, sometimes not. The out come is always the same. They don't want any more of me after. You are not going to get anything emotionally satisfying from anyone who wants to hook up.
Ok a few things: Do you really think that people read Grindr profiles? Although I guess that IS something that you can do with only 1 hand -_- Its more, oh pretty face/big cock/hot body let me message them.
Second, I never said love in the wrong place-I actually do advocate people use these sites/apps, but intelligently; do not think that someone is going to message you and say "oh my good sir I just drowned in the shiny blue pearls that are your eyes." Basically, its a great tool to find a large pool of guys for whatever, but CAN WE PLEASE SPARE THE BULLSHIT that grindr is not a hookup app that it was magically taken over by evil gays for that purpose? Anyone who denies what grindr is, or what it is used for, deserves to be admitted to Bellevue.
As far as people living where there is little gay community, hell I grew up in rural New Hampshire, not a whole lot there lol I get the whole online/app thing I really do, and there is nothing wrong with it, what is wrong is the mindset that people are taking walking into it.
News flash: there is not necessarily anything wrong with these guys you are talking to ( I mean yea maybe we all have perverted our culture blah blah but thats too deep) maybe the issue is you and your mindset. This enlightened, holier than thou thing about how you do not need or want sex, that you are above it. Well congrats for being above it all, and isolating yourself away from the rest of the gay population...get my point? You are going to have to alter your mindset if you want to find success. Is that necessarily "fair" or "right"? Of course not, but it is how the world works.
Dating sucks, being single sucks (at some point), I get all this and my heart goes out to anyone in that situation. But the way to fix it, is to play ball. You can say that is bad advice, or that I am encouraging you to be a slut and sleep around and be promiscuous (despite the fact that I have said on many threads that is NOT what I advocate), I just think that you gotta fit into society if you want to go somewhere. Here-would you walk into a gay club/party blasting Metallica (who I happen to love but for the sake of this they must be used to prove a point) or trying to talk to people about hair metal? No, you would fit into the conversations appropriately.
You can deny it all you want, but let me ask you this: Has your mindset and taking the high road gotten you very far? Exactly!