"you're too young to be in a relationship"

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  Oct 09, 2012 8:14 AM GMT

  ok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

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• haiqtpi
  
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  Oct 09, 2012 8:23 AM GMT

  Well, first of all most gays start their sexual exploration later than heterosexuals, leaving us "lost ground" to make up for in order to fully comprehend ourselves and the mechanics of a HEALTHY relationship, ie you gotta go through failed ones and learn the hard way.
  
  There is also the fact that our culture and world is VERY sexual-while the whole get married and have kids thing CAN apply to us, it is not the norm as with heterosexuals-thus the whole gym bunny culture and why even as we age we do not let ourselves go. Considering that there is not commonly a family to hold us down (and at that it barely holds most hetero families together if you examine divorce rates) its common to simply get bored with your partner, find someone "hotter" or more "adventurous" or simply be tempted into cheating because plenty of gays are in it for the short run and don't care if they ruin a relationship by pursuing taken guys. This tends to lead us at times to examine the question "Is this the one guy that I want to be with and have sex with for the rest of my life?" which in turn can lead to open relationships or 3somes (which is a whole different murky area) etc etc.
  
  I guess the mentality is get it all out of the way in your 20s, and settle in your late 20's or early 30's. While I do not technically agree with this, I do believe that there is so much in the world and in ourselves that we must explore in order to truly be able to contribute to and nurture a healthy relationship. You can argue against this all you want, but think about how many of your friends your own age have stable, long term (at least 2+ years) relationships. It is just the nature of the beast sadly, and maybe you are an exception, the real issue becomes finding another exception that you are into physically and mentally, and who reciprocates.

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  Oct 09, 2012 8:30 AM GMT

  haiqtpi saidI guess the mentality is get it all out of the way in your 20s, and settle in your late 20's or early 30's. While I do not technically agree with this, I do believe that there is so much in the world and in ourselves that we must explore in order to truly be able to contribute to and nurture a healthy relationship. You can argue against this all you want, but think about how many of your friends your own age have stable, long term (at least 2+ years) relationships. It is just the nature of the beast sadly, and maybe you are an exception, the real issue becomes finding another exception that you are into physically and mentally, and who reciprocates.

  
  +1
  I know lots of gay guys in relationships, but don't know any who started their first LTR before they were 30ish.

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  Oct 09, 2012 8:35 AM GMT

  I'd a ten year relationship with a guy, met him when I was 18.
  
  we had ten lovely years together.
  
  anyway. You just need to meet better guys

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  Oct 09, 2012 12:42 PM GMT

  Its crazy how much of a double standard there is with the heterosexual and homosexual worlds. All of my straight friends get on me about how I need to get a long term girlfriend and how its not normal that my longest relationship has been 6 months (obviously they don't know I like guys, I feel like that would probably better explain to them why I don't keep my girlfriends around.) But gay guys always talk about how i'm way to young to be in a relationship and I need to fool around for a while... Either way... I'm just going with the flow

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• easterndude69
  
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  Oct 09, 2012 12:53 PM GMT

  Yeah, I'm sick of hearing that too. It's mostly from ppl around here though who are jaded and just tired of the dating game and other ppl who just aren't ready to settle with anyone or feel they won't find someone until their late 20s. No one is too young to date. I feel at 19 is a ripe time for me to date someone. Besides, no relationship is going to be perfect. We have to stop hesitating and being overly selective of who our partners are and test the waters a bit weed our way through all the bad ones before we find the good ones.

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• calibro
  
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  Oct 09, 2012 1:22 PM GMT

  less complaining, more peen in your mouth

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  Oct 09, 2012 1:37 PM GMT

  Seriously, move to Montana and I would be your boyfriend.
  
  But joking aside no one has the right to tell you when to have a relationship. And I dont measure my success by my straight friends, gay men have a much harder time finding a match than straight people would.
  
  That being said if you want a relationship stop sleeping around (not saying you do) and it might be easier to find lol.

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  Oct 09, 2012 1:47 PM GMT

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  I think they mean well, but forget that love has no schedule.
  
  

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  Oct 09, 2012 1:52 PM GMT

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  
  Those guys who say thing like that are rubbish. Avoid at all costs.

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  Oct 09, 2012 2:11 PM GMT

  lilTanker saidI'd a ten year relationship with a guy, met him when I was 18.
  
  we had ten lovely years together.
  
  anyway. You just need to meet better guys

  
  Agreed. Plus it varies by the man. Some MIGHT be too young for an LTR at 25, just because of their level of previous experience, and possibly their degree of maturity. But other men are perfectly fine dating at 25.
  
  Another reason for that "too young" advice is the belief you touched on, applied to straights as well, that marriage or an LTR is like solitary confinement. You'll never be allowed "out" again to meet other guys for fun, you'll never see the world of sexual promiscuity again, your LTR will be more a sentence than a joy. And many men do ask themselves that question: "Do I want to be chained to this guy for life, when I'm only 25?"
  
  Well, some men do, and some don't. The advice you're getting may be assuming you fall into the "live free or die" camp. But really, it's just dating after all, not speaking your marriage vows, and I don't see anything wrong with it. Rather, I think a guy SHOULD be dating by 25.
  
  And BTW, about half our gay partnered friends (and some legally married) have been together since their early 20s, currently aged from their late 40s to 60s. Dating young certainly worked well for them.

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• Amira
  
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  Oct 09, 2012 2:16 PM GMT

  I hear this line at times which I think is a silly notion since if a person truly understands what they want out of life, something small such as age will not stop them from acquiring that which they seek.

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  Oct 09, 2012 2:21 PM GMT

  there will always be people who prefer a buffet....and that's generally the mindset you're hearing if people are discouraging you from doing what is natural for you.."there's always something better coming up on the buffet"
  
  there's nothing wrong with a buffet....and if you like fast food, a buffet is a great option to get more for less
  
  and there's also nothing wrong with fine dining that requires a reservation.. you're meal is made to order. they get to know your tastes. you don't have to order off the menu if you know what you really want.
  
  both are correct for different situations.
  
  do what feels right for you.

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• allatonce
  
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  Oct 09, 2012 2:36 PM GMT

  Ignore the silliness.

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:06 PM GMT

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  Be careful to what you listen to.

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:15 PM GMT

  Trollileo said

  meninlove said

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  I think they mean well, but forget that love has no schedule.
  
  

  It does have a gay agenda, though.

  
  Yeah, it favors gays at a particular age... but isn't shy about looking around.
  I say the OP should seek out love no matter how ready or not he is... it is his life, and he should be free to take whatever risks he wants. Love is anyone's game.

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:18 PM GMT

  Trollileo said

  meninlove said

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  I think they mean well, but forget that love has no schedule.
  
  

  It does have a gay agenda, though.

  
  
  Rofl.. such as?
  
  EDIT: Aha, just saw JR's post above. Thanks!

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:24 PM GMT

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  
  You're old enough to make up your own mind.
  
  Don't go into a relationship thinking 'i gotta make this one a long term'. Obviously put effort into a relationship but it's not that bad if it were not to work out- the smaller 'short term' ones builds to a greater experience when that nice long term one naturally comes around.

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:48 PM GMT

  calibro saidless complaining, more peen in your mouth

  
  
  
  
  LOL, I've always wanted to use that GIF

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  Oct 09, 2012 3:54 PM GMT

  I JUST got an e-mail last night from someone I respect and have talked with some on here basically telling me that I should remember I am young and get it all out of my system before I try and settle down.
  
  I think he might be right.
  
  If you know me though you know I am one of those people that wants a relationship and a husband and kids etc... and I feel like I am running out of time for that stuff, so I continually look for it.
  
  Maybe I will stop looking lol.

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  Oct 09, 2012 4:02 PM GMT

  gymfreak1987 saidok im almost 25 and im sick of guys saying "youre still young go out and explore dont get a bf yet" yet all my straight mates have gf why should it be different for me
  
  what do others think about this, ?

  
  It shouldn't be different for you. Follow your heart and go find "The One"!

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  Oct 09, 2012 4:09 PM GMT

  I'm still "getting it out of my system."
  
  It should be all gone by the time I'm dead. If not, I might even flirt with St. Peter.

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  Oct 09, 2012 4:11 PM GMT

  paulflexes saidI'm still "getting it out of my system."
  
  It should be all gone by the time I'm dead. If not, I might even flirt with St. Peter.

  
  

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  Oct 09, 2012 4:13 PM GMT

  Only people too young to be in relationships are middle schoolers and extremely immature people who put themselves first instead of their partner! Don't listen to your friends...
  
  And also like everyone else, How the hell are you single? Aren't men and women physically jumping on you in the street?

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  Oct 09, 2012 4:18 PM GMT

  
  
  Rad said, "And also like everyone else, How the hell are you single? Aren't men and women physically jumping on you in the street?"
  
  The answer to that is actually pretty easy: it has to be someone whose twing makes him twang, or if you prefer, makes his heart sing.
  
  

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