What did you gain by coming out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 12:26 AM GMT
    I'm not quite sure what I will gain by coming out. I live at home with my parents so I think it's just going to be awkward from now on if I come out. I mean I'm not seeing anyone or even hooking up with guys so I don't know what I will actually accomplish by coming out to my friends and family.

    I've already accepted it for myself and I'm content with that for the moment.

    I'm curious as to what you guys gained when you came out?
    Or did you actually lose anything?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    I gained the courage to stand up for who I am.

    I lost a few friends and sexed a few others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    I second that freedom but mine was the freedom to shed the yoke around my neck and actually be who I am. If you're asking what is to be gained, then my guess is that you're probably not ready to come out. You can talk to yourself about how gay you are and how OK you are with it, but until you open your mouth and tell someone else, actually speak those same words, it's NOT the same. Good luck.
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    Oct 11, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
    eb925guy saidI second that freedom but mine was the freedom to shed the yoke around my neck and actually be who I am. If you're asking what is to be gained, then my guess is that you're probably not ready to come out. You can talk to yourself about how gay you are and how OK you are with it, but until you open your mouth and tell someone else, actually speak those same words, it's NOT the same. Good luck.
    And once you speak those words, nothing will ever be the same. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    You guys are right saying it out loud and admitting it to myself isn't the same. I just don't really see anything positive about coming out right now.
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    Oct 11, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    y0l0 saidYou guys are right saying it out loud and admitting it to myself isn't the same. I just don't really see anything positive about coming out right now.


    Gaining self-respect and dignity? Freeing yourself?
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    Oct 11, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    honesty, understanding and energy drained by the deception of keeping up a guard.
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    Oct 11, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    y0l0 saidYou guys are right saying it out loud and admitting it to myself isn't the same. I just don't really see anything positive about coming out right now.

    You already have the most important coming out behind you. Accepting that you are gay (or bi or whatever) is the biggest step.

    There is no rush to come out, you are not on any clock. Get comfortable with the situation, with yourself and with other guys. For a time you might get by, by telling half truths, omitting the gay parts. At some point you will feel like lies are to much effort or you just want to share something great that happened to you and coming out easier than staying in the closet.

    If you know someone gay, you could come out to him/her. If you have a friend on the other side of the planet who isn't in touch with your other friends and family you could come out to him.

    Don't agonize over it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    I gained truth, perhaps the only real quest in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    I gained everything
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    oh so much! Freedom is just the beginning!
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Oct 11, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Self respect. The respect of others. Peace of mind. Courage.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 11, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    I a life time supply of pride, satisfaction, and self worth icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    A lot of respect from a lot of people whom I didn't expect it from. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Oct 11, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    Coming out is such an overused term, people should just accept who they are and go with it. If people where you are dont like it, meet new ones, go new places, you were obviously stagnating in a backwater area anyway.

    Unless said person is too "morally conflicted", in which case they need to seek professional help for low self esteem and work on improving their self worth/actualization.

    That being said, I never came out so to speak I simply showed up kissing a boy one day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    You gain respect for yourself and stop living in the darkness of what will others think. You accept yourself and realize being gay is not a flaw. You can develop your relationships further because you can be honest and truthful about who you are as a person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    Nothing.

    Its garbage when people say it gets better.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Oct 11, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    I gained the freedom to be myself, but also lost that heavy weight I had been carrying around on my shoulders for far too long. It was a great feeling. Thankfully, I have great parents. Their acceptance and approval was all that really mattered to me.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidNothing.

    Its garbage when people say it gets better.


    That's the spirit!!! Attta boy!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    I got a free toaster oven!

    Seriously, you'll know when it's the right time 4 u and when you do it you'll wonder why u waited so long....good luck with everything..unlike when I did it, you're blessed with a huge support group on ths site, so take advantage of it.
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    Oct 11, 2012 3:47 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidNothing.

    Its garbage when people say it gets better.


    Speak for yourself. Inform him on why it doesn't get better? I 'd love to hear your reasoning behind it.
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Oct 11, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    Relief.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Oct 11, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidYou gain respect for yourself and stop living in the darkness of what will others think. You accept yourself and realize being gay is not a flaw. You can develop your relationships further because you can be honest and truthful about who you are as a person.


    This. I love the freedom to just be myself and not feel like i'm hiding something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    If you're at home and you think your parents are homophobic/unaccepting - or are in fear that you will lose your home, etc. then it may not be the right time - until you have financial/social independence. It's a complicated issue when you're still living with your parents.

    I came out to my mom when I was still living at home - and it was not easy... she was initially very upset and un-accepting. I actually moved out for a few months 'til she chilled out. It was odd/rough. However... I felt I could no longer hide it or lie to her about my social life. I just HAD to.

    Everyone has a different story - and yours is still in the writing. Just do what you FEEL is best for you. You will know. Good luck and be well! You've got a HUGE community of people online to get encouragement from - which I NEVER had at that time. Lucky you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    What did I gain?

    -Sanity: I wasn't stressing out about maintaining a bullshit facade.
    -Sexual liberation: I could pursue who I really wanted to have sex with.
    -Self esteem: I wasn't exactly breeding stock with the ladies. The guys, however, were all over me. Talk about gaining self worth, when suddenly you feel attractive to potential mates.

    Most importantly, I gained the possibility of being with someone whom I understood and could love at a fundamental level.