I think both of them are offering valuable insight into the situation Mister OP man.
I definitely can relate to you although I don't have the 12 years of an ex screwing behind my back. :s You WANT to trust completely but you can't do it, not easily anyway especially when you see certain behavior patterns that may seem otherwise suspicious to you.
EVEN SO, I too have insecurities when it comes to dating and trusting a person. Trust and Honesty go hand and hand and not only act as the foundation for that contractional agreement between you and your partner but also the glue that keeps all the other aspects of your relationship solid and true.
Your heart sees one thing but your eyes sees another. That's totally understandable and believe me, I've been there SEVERAL times. My partners know I have heavy trust issues and don't trust completely or easily given how often I have been betrayed. This is where their understanding and acceptance comes into play-- and also where your partner, should he truly be a good person for you, will also not hesitate to facilitate.
Yes, there are things which seem iffy about the entire thing:
Ads on Craigslist Highlighted
Condoms in Suitcase
Not very affectionate as of late.
These signs usually indicate to most human beings of some kind of wedge or wall or perhaps that he is drifting but it could also be a simple misunderstanding on your part when assessing the situation.
Tell me... Is he very direct and honest? Has he ever lied or hidden anything else about himself from you? Has he ever cheated on someone before? If you answered no, yes, yes, I think you definitely may have reasons to be suspicious.
Either way, there are two ways about going through this: The direct way-- which involves you sitting him down and talking about everything you've experienced (which may or may not plug the holes of doubt bored in your heart), and the long(er) more drawn out way. This method makes you a kind of a detective and search the nooks and crannies to see if there is reason for you to feel suspicious and see if there is a correlation (e.g. that he's cheating) or if it's misplaced fear. Was there a fair where there were condoms being handed out? Were the ads posted up funny (or what you think may be funny to him)? Is he normally one to not text you or call you even in peak stressful times?
Weigh and see. Sooner or later, a trail will turn up and it will lead you to your answer.
BUT.. there are some things you should consider, no matter what the outcome is:
How can I truly trust a person without letting my fears take control?
Is there a concrete or realistic way to obtain this trust from my partner? (Hint: There is!)
What can I do to prevent this from happening next time around? What needs to be communicated or expressed by me or my partner for this not to happen again?
Having Faith (instinctive inclination) in a person is just as important as being Logical (rational). We're not robots and we're not beasts. We're human beings and we're beings who exhibit both. Ultimately, for better or for worse, whether you end up getting stronger from this or weaker, whether you remain together or become single, you will have to do your best to seek out the truth! There is no 'right or wrong' way to find the truth. Only do or do not.
For more information, please feel free to message/email me.
Be more than happy to supply my insight!
Many friendly and warm hugs. ;D