Need helping picking up guys...

  • bijockmuscle

    Posts: 656

    Aug 29, 2008 3:02 PM GMT
    Let me start this thread by saying I am not looking to be judged so please keep those comments to yourself. If you want to help, let me know...

    I am bi closested discreet...i am looking to pick up guys but need to be extra caustios i.e. clubs, bathouses, bookstores are out of the question...how do I incredbily subtly show a guy i am interested, in fact so subtle that if they said anything i could deny i did anything...
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Aug 29, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Sounds like online is the way to go for you. Either that, or make eyes at a guy obviously, and then head to the nearest restroom. If he follows you and he's interested, go for it in the toilet stall. If he follows, but wants to beat you up, tell him you don't know what he's talking about and pound his ass (figuratively).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    There's always craigslist, or any of the other local online sites in your area.

    The reality is that you're asking, in a way, to have your cake and eat it too. You can't hook-up risk-free; and you always run the risk of being 'outed' even if the other guy claims to be discreet. Generally, most 'out of the closet' gays and bi's would, given the choice, prefer some sort of a relationship where they don't have to lie about their lives (and I'm not making a value judgment on that, it's just a reality that if you're closeted, chances are you're lying to someone about some aspect of your life) because that's what coming out is ultimately an expression of--the unwillingness to lie about one's sexuality.

    This obviously isn't an absolute rule and there are definitely openly gay guys who don't mind hooking up with married guys (whether they identify as straight, gay, or bi), or closeted guys; and there are even ones who don't mind keeping it a secret that you've slept together; or that you're attracted to other men enough to have sex with them. But if it's that important to be closeted, then likely, your risk is mitigated if the other guy is also closeted, since you both will have an incentive to keep the other guy's secret.

    But to answer your question most directly, there isn't a way to be SO subtle so as to keep yourself completely risk-free in your attempt to show a guy your interest. The operative word in, "showing interest" is "showing", which means you have to outwardly express something. Guys, even "discreet" ones, are not mind readers. Short of tapping your foot in the bathroom stall for a blowjob (where you could say you were trying to get something off your shoe), or going to your local pick-up park (where you can claim you were admiring the trees BEHIND that guy...), you must be unsubtle enough for the other party to receive a message.

    The curious part about your question is that you also want the signal to be completely deniable. Why show interest to someone if you're just going to deny it if they show you (either by gesture or words) that they have not only received the message, but are reciprocating it? The only scenario that comes to mind is that you're not actually sure of his orientation, so you obviously want to avoid the "embarrassment" of being asked, "Um...were you hitting on me? Because I'm straight. Are you gay or something?" To which I can only say that nothing of value is wrought without risk--quite possibly especially when it comes to sex.
  • bijockmuscle

    Posts: 656

    Aug 29, 2008 4:36 PM GMT
    lean_jock74 saidThere's always craigslist, or any of the other local online sites in your area.

    The reality is that you're asking, in a way, to have your cake and eat it too. You can't hook-up risk-free; and you always run the risk of being 'outed' even if the other guy claims to be discreet. Generally, most 'out of the closet' gays and bi's would, given the choice, prefer some sort of a relationship where they don't have to lie about their lives (and I'm not making a value judgment on that, it's just a reality that if you're closeted, chances are you're lying to someone about some aspect of your life) because that's what coming out is ultimately an expression of--the unwillingness to lie about one's sexuality.

    This obviously isn't an absolute rule and there are definitely openly gay guys who don't mind hooking up with married guys (whether they identify as straight, gay, or bi), or closeted guys; and there are even ones who don't mind keeping it a secret that you've slept together; or that you're attracted to other men enough to have sex with them. But if it's that important to be closeted, then likely, your risk is mitigated if the other guy is also closeted, since you both will have an incentive to keep the other guy's secret.

    But to answer your question most directly, there isn't a way to be SO subtle so as to keep yourself completely risk-free in your attempt to show a guy your interest. The operative word in, "showing interest" is "showing", which means you have to outwardly express something. Guys, even "discreet" ones, are not mind readers. Short of tapping your foot in the bathroom stall for a blowjob (where you could say you were trying to get something off your shoe), or going to your local pick-up park (where you can claim you were admiring the trees BEHIND that guy...), you must be unsubtle enough for the other party to receive a message.

    The curious part about your question is that you also want the signal to be completely deniable. Why show interest to someone if you're just going to deny it if they show you (either by gesture or words) that they have not only received the message, but are reciprocating it? The only scenario that comes to mind is that you're not actually sure of his orientation, so you obviously want to avoid the "embarrassment" of being asked, "Um...were you hitting on me? Because I'm straight. Are you gay or something?" To which I can only say that nothing of value is wrought without risk--quite possibly especially when it comes to sex.


    thanks dude!
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 29, 2008 5:43 PM GMT
    Simple answer: you can't.

    If you are so subtle that you can deny there was any interest on your part, you will be way too subtle for a guy to know you're interested. If you want to let a guy know you're interested in him, you have to let him know that you're interested in him, not leave him guessing. I'm all for tact in trying to figure out if a guy thinks of you in that way, but at some point, one of you is going to have to be bold enough to make interest obvious enough that the other one will know what you're looking for. We don't have a secret sign language that the straight world doesn't know about.

    If you're looking for a purely physical fling, there are plenty of internet options for you, and possibly some real world places (depending on your location). But no matter how 'discreet' a guy claims to be, there is always the chance of being outed.

    If the most important thing to you is that no one know you're sexually interested in men, the only way to be absolutely sure it will never come out is to never have sex with a man, never express any interest in doing so, not visit any particularly 'gay' establishments, keep any adult images of men you have where absolutely no one could ever see them, and continue enjoying girlfriends--which is easier for you because you're bi, not gay. If it doesn't seem worth completely forgoing any interest in men, you need to accept that there's some risk of being found out. If you want to actually do anything with a man, there's going to be an even bigger risk of being found out; and, as you've already realized, some guys will be uninterested because a closeted bi guy is going to be more of a hassle than an out guy.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 29, 2008 5:45 PM GMT
    chloroform?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    I hear Larry Craig is giving seminars on this.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Aug 29, 2008 5:57 PM GMT
    I think the baths are the best for you, you can be anonymous and safe at the same time, probably a lot of closeted guys, in your same situation there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2008 6:33 PM GMT
    bijockmuscle saidI am bi closested discreet...i am looking to pick up guys but need to be extra caustios i.e. clubs, bathouses, bookstores are out of the question...how do I incredbily subtly show a guy i am interested, in fact so subtle that if they said anything i could deny i did anything...


    You can pick me up. ;) Especially if you are Puerto Rican. And then after we have sex we can deny anything happened and be like "I'm not gay are you?"

  • Aug 29, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidchloroform?


    LOL!!!
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 29, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    bijockmuscle saidLet me start this thread by saying I am not looking to be judged so please keep those comments to yourself. If you want to help, let me know...

    I am bi closested discreet...i am looking to pick up guys but need to be extra caustios i.e. clubs, bathouses, bookstores are out of the question...how do I incredbily subtly show a guy i am interested, in fact so subtle that if they said anything i could deny i did anything...


    Smile and nod or wave. If a question comes up, take the "Live and Let Live" stance. Also, make sure if anyone hears of anything you say, "Dude, I was sooooo wasted."
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 29, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    It's not g0y if he takes it in the ass.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Aug 29, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    Auryn saidIt's not g0y if he takes it in the ass.


    Nope!!.......Its Gay!!......LOL
    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2008 9:36 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidchloroform?


    Sedatives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2008 10:11 PM GMT
    wtf does g0y mean?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    Ha ha ha here we g0 again icon_razz.gif
    Dude, trust me, you don't wanna know what a g0y is
    Don't summon them....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    Ikaros saidHa ha ha here we g0 again icon_razz.gif
    Dude, trust me, you don't wanna know what a g0y is
    Don't summon them....


    You only said it once, Ikaros. They don't show up until you say the word three times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 1:24 AM GMT

    ... kinda like Beetlejuice, eh?
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Aug 30, 2008 1:33 AM GMT
    Lift with your legs, not your back.


    That's all the advice I have. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 7:31 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    ... kinda like Beetlejuice, eh?


    It'd be funnier if it was like candlejack...

    You know, right?
    Candl--
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 7:34 AM GMT
    You have the online option which in your case might be the better way to go since youare closeted. Also you could veutre out and just be yourself in local areas that seem toattract those of your preferred type and just hope for the best in witty convo and coy looks.

    Hope you have fun and remember to always be safe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2008 3:30 PM GMT
    jakebenson said
    bijockmuscle saidI am bi closested discreet...i am looking to pick up guys but need to be extra caustios i.e. clubs, bathouses, bookstores are out of the question...how do I incredbily subtly show a guy i am interested, in fact so subtle that if they said anything i could deny i did anything...


    You can pick me up. ;) Especially if you are Puerto Rican. And then after we have sex we can deny anything happened and be like "I'm not gay are you?"


    There u are...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    Another site you could try is http://www.dlgaze.com/community

    It's kind of a new site but I actually met a guy off there a while ago

    I'm from North Carolina though so your area may be different...

    I've gotten tired of Craigslist honestly...way too much spam and fake profiles...that site I linked to seems like there are more actual REAL profiles
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    Try the fireman's carry if you can't pick them up otherwise:

    Firemans_carry.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    I love it when one post no photo guy revives a zombie thread from 2008