how do i know if he's even gay!?


  • Oct 12, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    alright i have a crush on this guy that i met at the gym, i dont think he's even gay but last week me & my friend went to this store & he was working there, we chatted a little & left, me & my friend started talking in the car & she says the guy is gay because apparently he was checking me out, i said alot of guys check me out because of my built, then she says no she's positive cuz the guy was bothered by her presences also confused as in why she was with me, anyways i went back to the store by myself because i forgot somthing, as soon as i walkin he asks me if am with this girl & i said no we are just friends, i said why do you ask? he says cuz she's "sticks out". i said ya she's pretty hot.....

    later i said bye to him & left the store..am in the closet so i cant tell him am gay unless some how i find out if he's gay aswell..

    the guy acts straighter than an arrow & i do too, no one can tell am gay so even if the guy i have crush on is gay he cant tell that am not straight..

    i need help! how do i find out if he's even gay?
    my gaydar sucks ballz
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    Oct 12, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidNothing ventured, nothing gained. At some point, you're gonna have to put yourself out there.


    Agree. For everything you are doing to "protect" yourself from public backlash, you are preventing yourself from enjoying your life. I only came out about 2 years ago myself and even now I still have the same issue of "is he gay?". The one thing that I had to realize was I have always been gay and that I didn't change a bit when I came out. Everyone around me did -- they now know me in a new way. So for me the idea of "gay-acting" or "straight-acting" seems a little silly. I just am who I have always been. Not being the flamboyant type has not made me any less gay.

    With that said, in the closet or out, I still have the same reactions to a guy I like. I smile at him more, I hold his gaze longer, I talk standing a bit closer. I don't do it consciously, it just happens. You may be sending out more cues to him than you know (and vice versa). Pay closer attention next time. You may see him doing something that can be an indicator like biting his lips or grabbing your arm during conversation. None of these are 100%, but seeing enough of the cues at once may help you get over the hurdle and be a bit more upfront with him.

    GOOD LUCK!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Oct 13, 2012 12:20 AM GMT
    i could totally tell you're gay bro
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 13, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    You stop by the store sometime without the girl and ask him if he has time for a cup of coffee sometime. If he agrees, you go to a coffee shop, talk a little and then you ask him . No need to be suggestive or coy. Just ask him. Say if he is you'd like to see him again and if he's not you'd still like to hang out.

    Make it simple.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Oct 13, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
    I'm blunt. Put yourself out there. Ask him if he is gay. What's the worst that could happen?

  • Oct 13, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    thanks for the responses guys

    LJay saidYou stop by the store sometime without the girl and ask him if he has time for a cup of coffee sometime. If he agrees, you go to a coffee shop, talk a little and then you ask him . No need to be suggestive or coy. Just ask him. Say if he is you'd like to see him again and if he's not you'd still like to hang out.

    Make it simple.


    that seems like a good idea if i was brave enough lol..



  • Oct 13, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    onefortified saidI'm blunt. Put yourself out there. Ask him if he is gay. What's the worst that could happen?


    the worst could happen is the guy turns out to be homophobic & i lose him as as a friend icon_cry.gif

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    Oct 13, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    problemtosolve said
    onefortified saidI'm blunt. Put yourself out there. Ask him if he is gay. What's the worst that could happen?


    the worst could happen is the guy turns out to be homophobic & i lose him as him as a friend icon_cry.gif

    Then he was never a friend to begin with. don't be a pussy. Put yourself out there or get out of the gym.
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    Oct 13, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    a while ago, i had posted a similar dilemma lol. my gaydar is very good though. if he asked you about the girl being your gf, he is gay in my opinion.
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    Oct 13, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    Ask.
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    Oct 13, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidNothing ventured, nothing gained. At some point, you're gonna have to put yourself out there.

    On the downlow side, you could always sign up for whatever the dating sites are in Hali and see if he's got a profile on there. But really, I think you're better off just building on the rapport you've already started building. I'd let go of the whole gay/bi/straight thing....in my experience, closeted guys always "round up" on that. What's more important is do you guys click? If you do, even a good friendship would probably be welcome, no? And even if he's only checking you out because of the (incredible) work you've done on your physique, it seems unlikely to me that he would then judge you to harshly if you eventually volunteered that you're gay (or bi...whatever you are) and were rebuffed.

    Hali is a pretty forward thinking city and this is Canada. Lot's of people are far more accepting than you might think. And who knows, even if he's not interested (even if he is gay/bi), maybe he knows someone who is. Networking....social settings are a great way to mix it up.

    You've hit the nail on the head with your comment that "no one would be able to tell" with either you or him....gay is gay, that's it. There is no "neon sign flashing on a person's forehead" (yours or his.) Most people who are biased are biased against the stereotype (which is wrong-thinking, imo, but it's certainly my perception.) You don't fit that stereotype, so your fears of being tarred by it seem unlikely.

    At some point though you're gonna have to really "get" that there's nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with being gay. God made you perfect, so be the most perfect "you" you can be....such a person is always an inspiration to those around him, no matter what their sexuality. Your virtue --your integrity-- is your armour against all attacks.

    Good luck!



    That was deep
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    LJay saidYou stop by the store sometime without the girl and ask him if he has time for a cup of coffee sometime. If he agrees, you go to a coffee shop, talk a little and then you ask him . No need to be suggestive or coy. Just ask him. Say if he is you'd like to see him again and if he's not you'd still like to hang out.

    Make it simple.


    Just replace coffee with beer. Coffee is for gays
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    I'm so glad I'm out of the closest. Easier to just figure out.
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    problemtosolve said
    onefortified saidI'm blunt. Put yourself out there. Ask him if he is gay. What's the worst that could happen?


    the worst could happen is the guy turns out to be homophobic & i lose him as as a friend icon_cry.gif



    If he is homophobic why the hell would you want him as a friend to begin with? What's wrong with u? You're not 19 anymore
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Oct 13, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Dude...the guy asked about your female friend...Ding..Ding..Ding...move on...
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    I say ask him to suck your dick back, and see if he'll go anal... but thats IF I bother with confused/closeted guy at all.. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    You missed a big opportunity to know when he asked about your friend, you should have told him you are gay or you're not attracted to women at that exact moment. Instead you made a macho comment about her. If he's gay then he's probably thinking the same things you are and you just send some mixed signals to him. Maybe your friend can ask if he is next time.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Oct 13, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    problemtosolve saidno one can tell am gay


    I'm sure they know, believe me, they might not say it right now, but the minute you tell someone they will say, "I knew it"
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    problemtosolve said
    the guy acts straighter than an arrow & i do too, no one can tell am gay so even if the guy i have crush on is gay he cant tell that am not straight..


    Call me Sherlock Holmes, but I think I found the root of your problem.

    Why in the world is a 29 year old guy, built and probably very attractive, acting like a scared little girl, afraid that people might actually find out you are who you are (a gay man!) instead of owning it and making the most of your life while you can?

    Come out, at least to this guy. Tell him that girl you were with, "we don't play on the same team icon_wink.gif."

    This guy might be a good date, might turn into a good boyfriend, maybe even a great life partner. But you're not going to take a chance of letting him know you're interested because then someone would know you're gay and maybe he's not, and maybe he'll be upset... yada yada yada.

    Man up, mister. Sorry to sound so unsympathetic, but seriously, this is 2012 not 1962. It's OK to take a tiny step out of the closet. No one is going to ruin you.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Oct 13, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    I think we need some more sexy body shots and face pics to make sure you look and give a straight vibe.
    Anyways with looks like yours you can flirt pretty easily, if you know him well enough ask him to dinner and talk.
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    Oct 13, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    If I were your buddy I would have just asked him to come along with us or do something where the two of your would have been in constant contact with each other...
    You my friend have nothing to be shy about.
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    Oct 13, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    He's one lucky guy!
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Oct 13, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Just ask him. He works in a non threatening environment so it's not like he is going to jump on you and gay bash if he is straight and homophobic.
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    Oct 13, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    You at both obviously gay .
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Oct 13, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    problemtosolve said
    onefortified saidI'm blunt. Put yourself out there. Ask him if he is gay. What's the worst that could happen?


    the worst could happen is the guy turns out to be homophobic & i lose him as as a friend icon_cry.gif




    Do you want a relationship or not? That's just the risk you're going to have to take.