Oct 17, 2012 4:00 AM GMT
So me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year now, which is my longest relationship ever. At 22 years old (he just turned 29 this year) I'm very happy with things, but lately it's been kind of rocky. We met in Vegas whilst he was on holiday. We instantly hit it off. He was very charming and sexy, confident. He was a real gentleman. He was visiting from England, so the accent was great too. We met last year in September, and after we met he would come visit me every month for a few weeks. After a few months of doing this he asked me to come live with him. So by December I was off to England.
I was there for about 7 months and things were a bit crazy at first, with me being lonely because I left my family and friends behind, but I quickly was over it. Then he decided that he didn't want to work at his job anymore and just up and quit without telling me. I asked him a few times and he said that he was just taking days off, we'll I finally found out that he quit and I was pissed off but again, I got over it. In his head he thought he was just going to get another job and it would be okay. But the whole time I was there we were struggling, we couldn't do much, barley could afford to eat, but I stuck by him. He was very cranky and lost his confidence a lot. No matter how much I told him he was beautiful he just didn't accept it. He would constantly apologize to me, and say that he didn't mean for it to be like this. Again, I reassured him I wasn't with him for any reason other than him. With all of that, we weren't having sex a lot partly because I just don't have as high of a sex drive as he does and also because he's been stressed and he just wasn't as confident. So then things started coming up like, I didn't find him attractive anymore, or I didn't like having sex with him anymore. I would talk with him and tell him how it was and he would be okay. But it constantly kept coming up, or he would be worried that he wasn't good enough. He said he worried because he never felt like this about anyone and didn't want to lose me. His trust issues and insecurities are starting to drive me insane. I've tried to be understanding and be there for him. But it seems to be no use. It's just like I inadvertently do things that upset him.
Things like this kept coming up but after he got his job he has now, we had a very good time and nothing was too wrong, there would be times when he would get mad if I partied late. We live in a shared house and we would throw parties, sometimes he would go to bed early and I'd stay up and he'd be mad at me. But I like to be my own person and I told him, if he wants me to go to bed with him, just pull me aside and say, "hey you think you can come snuggle with me?" But he was too proud, and doesn't talk about his feelings which is very frustrating especially because he's the one that has the problem. Back on track, the last 2 months were good we rarely fought, but recently since I've had to come back to Vegas, he has been an absolute dick. He doesn't trust me, if we don't get to talk a lot everyday he starts getting all funny and suggesting that I'm with other men. His last big ex cheated on him, and I knew this from the get go. But he has been so pessimistic it's been driving me Crazy. I feel very smothered and that he's trying too hard to make this relationship perfect. I don't want perfection, I just want my confident, "don't give a fuck," sweet man. And I've told him all of this.
I'm not sure where I stand. I would love to stay here with my family. It's been great being back home, but I love him just as equally. He's my best friend. But I'm not sure if I want to be with him anymore. My heart and head are going head to head and I'm not sure what to think. I don't want to be someone's half, I want him to be a whole, and us share a life together as two individuals. I know it's not fair for me to just say, "change." But it's starting to get tedious. Do we take a break? Do we separate for a few months? Or has this relationship taken its course?
Thanks for listening.