PERSONAL RESUME

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 30, 2008 6:17 PM GMT
    I wanted to ask how you mix the "gay" characterization into who you are.
    Meaning.. how do you describe yourself....

    Example: One approach: I am a gay man who lives in New York City,
    accountant, very involved in politics, social activities, travel.
    In other words: Being gay defines you.



    Another: I am an accountant in NYC, enjoy a variety of activities including
    swimming, diving, travel... I'm a democrat, gay and live in the bronx.
    In other words, gay is only a part of who you view you are...


    Meaning... how much does being gay enter into your view of yourself?


    Which is it and why?

    For me, I'd be the latter. I'd describe who I am professionally and list traits and gay would be among a several. I think the reason for that is that I knew who I was professionally and some of my other interests and traits before I acknowledged I was gay.
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    Aug 30, 2008 7:16 PM GMT
    Um, this sounds like a prelude du flamewar.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 30, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    jprichva saidUm, this sounds like a prelude du flamewar.


    In what way, jp?
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    Aug 30, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    Saying that gay is not what defines you is another way of distancing yourself from the gay community. There are a lot of reasons someone may choose to distance himself, but almost none of them are ones that promote any kind of solidarity. And like it or not, when we create these sub-groups ""masc, jock, g0y, etc" we are implying that the reason for these divisions is that we're not like--you know, THEM. We're "masc" because nelly guys give us the creeps. We're "jocks" because couch potatoes disgust us. We're "g0y" because guys who take it up the butt are 'arse-phuckers'". The subtext is: I'm okay, it's THOSE creeps you should hate.

    My answer to that is---fuck you (not you personally, Chris)--if you hate drag queens, I'm a drag queen. If you hate bodybuilders, let me bench press yoru ass. If you hate fem guys, watch me swish on high heels. If you hate masc guys, I'll rebuild your car engine and then stuff you into the trunk when I'm done.

    Promoting these divisions is Not. Good.
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    Aug 30, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    This is just me, so for those who don't agree .... "don't shoot the messenger!!" icon_rolleyes.gif

    I never list anything stating that I am gay. Being gay has nothing to do with my abilities in the job market, any more than a "straight" person would need to list that they were hetrosexual. Do hetrosexuals need to list this about themselves on their resumes? That part of who you are is not something that prospective employers need to know. When did it become everyone else's business what goes on in the bedroom?

    No place of employement can discriminate against the fact that you are gay, however, some may find another excuse if they know that fact about you.

    My sexual orientation is no ones business. It does not make me who I am. It is only a small facet of me. I would venture to say that most of my business associates don't even know that I am gay. It is not a part of my work nor should it be. I am not ashamed of this, only it's not something I talk about at work. If the topic comes up in conversation, then I share.

    Again, this is just me. I am sure there are many who will feel differently about this issue.

    Peace.



  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 30, 2008 7:35 PM GMT
    Some of the things that come up under analysis... I never remotely considered something like that....LOL
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    Aug 30, 2008 8:20 PM GMT
    I would never state it in an application process since it's irrelevant to my qualifications.

    However, I'm confident and never hesitate to discuss my personal life with inquiring minds.icon_neutral.gif

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    Aug 30, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think Hndm was asking what you put on a resume. I think he meant how you define yourself TO YOURSELF.

    And unless we're complete sex addicts, of COURSE we have other facets of our personality. But saying I'm (bla bla insert something here) first and gay second or perhaps third and oh, it doesn't define me, etc.....

    Well, let me tell you, it DOES define you, whether you like it or not. Not just what your dick is attracted to, but the entire manner in which you get to see the whole straight world with its roles and expectations, all of which biology has given you the "get out of jail" card for, if you want it.

    If you want it. You don't have to want it.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Aug 30, 2008 8:31 PM GMT
    Being gay is a small part of who you are. However, in these times, while we are trying to get equal rights in marriage and recognition, we need to make ourselves known, especially the "butch" gays, the ones that can hide.

    I had a str8 guys come into my bar the other night and said that he couldn't believe I was gay, because I acted too much like a "man". The queen in me came out pretty quick after that comment... haha!

    I feel that in our current political climate, we need to be known and seen. So that would be why we should to add the "gay" to our personal definition.
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    Aug 30, 2008 8:33 PM GMT
    I honestly don't think about it in my day to day life or who I am personally. I think I am like this because a deep set sense of everyone being the same regardless of "cognitive layers" that we usually identity with.

    I can list traits about myself (as I do on my profile) to try to paint a picture of my personality, but I don't see "Gay" as a personality trait.

    I think if you asked, "how does being gay affect your life?" I and a lot more people could give more substantial statements.
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    Aug 30, 2008 9:21 PM GMT
    Well, for me I have to break the discussion into two parts. For instance, socially - I'm totally out - and being gay is a great part of who I am, along with who my friends are, groups and organizations I belong to - family, etc. I'm a masc. jock, but all my friends know all about me - warts and all!

    My professional life is another matter. I'm not so quick to discuss gay vs. straight with clients, other Realtors or venture capitalists. (I work in both areas - almost like having two jobs). Being so open and frank with most of the professional investors I have to deal with is just not done. We are a pretty dry group - we don't associate socially - we talk only about the market, business, investments, IPOs, etc. I've seen some guys try to be casual and openly gay around some of the people I have to deal with, and you know what? They were as good a gone in the morning.

    Friends and social life are one thing - work is another. I keep them separate - I like money and I like to eat! I don't need to lose one deal!
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    Aug 30, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    jprichva saidPerhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think Hndm was asking what you put on a resume. I think he meant how you define yourself TO YOURSELF.


    AAAH using that then I'm Ben, I'm rude, crass, crude, brutally honest and inquisitive... I also happen to be a big'ol homo with a straight taste in fashion for some reason, who loves cars and can't stand women although I tolerate them, I'm not masculine, feminine, a jock and gawd give me the chance to take it up the arse and I'll be begging ya for it icon_eek.gif

    All in all, I'm Me, no one thing defines who I am, but many things go into making me gay being part of it but not the whole.

    OOH LOOK, I rambled!
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    Aug 30, 2008 10:37 PM GMT
    Let's see I'm Mexican and Black HOWEVER that does NOT define me either so why should me being Gay define me??

    My experiences, my exposure, my family, my friends are what define me, simple as that!
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    Aug 30, 2008 11:07 PM GMT
    LOL. I am much more then either my professional characteristics nor my sexuality nor my political persuasion. I refuse to put myself in these neat little boxes for anyone or anything. If you want to know who I am, then come up and strike up a conversation with me, you will learn far more about me then if I give you a laundry list of social identifiers. Being gay is a small part of who I am, yes a significant part because society makes it so, but nonetheless its a small part.
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    Aug 30, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    Why is it either/or? Being male is part of who I am, but it doesn't define me, either. It's certainly an important marker of my identity, though. Ditto with being gay.

    The usual subtext to this question is whether being gay pertains to more than the gender of your sexual partners. I think it does, but I'm not sure to what degree the mechanism is nature or nuture.

    Bottom (shuttup) line for me is that being gay is an asset in my life. It hasn't held me back. What held me back was the closet. My life became much richer when I came out.
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    Aug 31, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI wanted to ask how you mix the "gay" characterization into who you are. Meaning.. how do you describe yourself....Which is it and why? For me, I'd be the latter. I'd describe who I am professionally and list traits and gay would be among a several. I think the reason for that is that I knew who I was professionally and some of my other interests and traits before I acknowledged I was gay.



    HndsmKansan -- I know you're a great guy but you have nearly 2500 posts here!! How can you say you're "not defining yourself as gay"...?? icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Aug 31, 2008 12:42 AM GMT
    I don't think heterosexuals mention there sexuality in their resumes, do you?
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    Aug 31, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    Labels. It always comes down to labels. Man. Woman. Straight. Gay. Democrat. Republican.

    I am a Warrior, sworn to defend my country and constitution.

    I am a Man. A Man of Honor and Integrity. My word is my Bond.

    I am my Father's Son and I am more and more like him every day.

    I am my Mother's Son, her youngest.

    I am conservative fiscally and liberal socially.

    I am a Gay Man.

    in that order.
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    Aug 31, 2008 2:27 AM GMT
    I am black, Nigerian, gay, Christian, and male. My cultural heritage, sexuality, and spirituality are core elements of the self I have grown to know and love.These alone are fundamental. Everything else about me is secondary. As such, I do not define myself by my profession (it's just a job), my accomplishments (I've failed enough times anyway :lolicon_smile.gif, my hobbies/activities (they're in constant flux), etc.

    I'm always puzzled by gay guys who claim their sexuality does not define them, for I wonder whether they understand the import of such a claim. Sexuality bears on many important decisions we make. The books we read. The clothes we wear. The places we live. The friends we choose to make and keep. The music we enjoy. The night spots we frequent. The churches we attend. The venues we carefully choose for our wedding ceremonies. And so on.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 31, 2008 2:35 AM GMT
    PHLmuscle8 said
    HndsmKansan saidI wanted to ask how you mix the "gay" characterization into who you are. Meaning.. how do you describe yourself....Which is it and why? For me, I'd be the latter. I'd describe who I am professionally and list traits and gay would be among a several. I think the reason for that is that I knew who I was professionally and some of my other interests and traits before I acknowledged I was gay.



    HndsmKansan -- I know you're a great guy but you have nearly 2500 posts here!! How can you say you're "not defining yourself as gay"...?? icon_rolleyes.gif




    Thats not what I'm saying at all. Its not the first thing out of my mouth when I describe myself...


  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 31, 2008 1:59 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    BlkMuscleGent said

    I'm always puzzled by gay guys who claim their sexuality does not define them, for I wonder whether they understand the import of such a claim. Sexuality bears on many important decisions we make. The books we read. The clothes we wear. The places we live. The friends we choose to make and keep. The music we enjoy. The night spots we frequent. The churches we attend. The venues we carefully choose for our wedding ceremonies. And so on.


    I don't agree with this at all. I'm happily gay, secure and not ashamed of being gay but I don't revolve my life around it as you're implying with that last paragraph you wrote.

    Personally when I go out to eat, or attend some religious gathering I don't want to be associated with some gay ghetto experience. I want to be around a diverse group of people. Books, music, clothes? Maybe if someone likes to be a stereotype but that's definitely not me.




    I think this is really part of what I was really getting at with this forum.
    There isn't a right or wrong with responses here. While I agree with
    Muchmorethanmuscle as to how I view myself, BlkMuscleGent has a point with how some gay men approach their decisions.

    For me, most of what BlkMuscle describes were already set. I am comfortable dressing much like I did before anything gay entered my life...
    I'm a member of the same religious denomination in which I was baptised.,
    music, nightspots really aren't an issue.
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    Aug 31, 2008 2:30 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    BlkMuscleGent said

    I'm always puzzled by gay guys who claim their sexuality does not define them, for I wonder whether they understand the import of such a claim. Sexuality bears on many important decisions we make. The books we read. The clothes we wear. The places we live. The friends we choose to make and keep. The music we enjoy. The night spots we frequent. The churches we attend. The venues we carefully choose for our wedding ceremonies. And so on.


    I don't agree with this at all. I'm happily gay, secure and not ashamed of being gay but I don't revolve my life around it as you're implying with that last paragraph you wrote.

    Personally when I go out to eat, or attend some religious gathering I don't want to be associated with some gay ghetto experience. I want to be around a diverse group of people. Books, music, clothes? Maybe if someone likes to be a stereotype but that's definitely not me.


    Perhaps I should have worded the underlined sentence differently. I meant to imply that sexuality often influences our choices more than we realize. As such, I'm uncertain that disregarding this connection, claiming that it is irrelevant to one's definition of self, etc., are authentic positions to take.

    Consider the following questions:

    Would you routinely read books or listen to music filled with hateful homophobic messages?
    Would you rush to live in an area known for its hostility towards gay people? And if you did, would you voluntarily socialize with its homophobic residents?
    Would you wear clothes with words or graphic designs that negate your sexuality in any way?
    Would you routinely frequent nightspots where gays are not welcome?
    Would you frequent a church where gays are condemned, cursed, and bestialized?
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 31, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    I agree with BlkMuscleGent. Gay may not define me, but it probably influnces my choices & decisions more then other aspets of my life/
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    Aug 31, 2008 3:41 PM GMT


    The answer to this question relies wholly on who or what you're describing yourself to ( that is, person or institution).
    For both of us it is very fluid and changes with each person we get to know, forum we're on, or company we're dealing with.

    Is this being a chameleon? No, because the list about each of us doesn't change in each circumstance, just the order, or occasional omission.
    Why omission? We're not proponents of the in-your-face
    declaration of self. We get to know many octogenarians etc and are sensitive to their tolerance limits, and prefer the idea of discovery over a period of time. Some people are much more accepting that way.
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    Aug 31, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    I tend to skip the introductions sometimes and just wait for the relevant moment to bring it up. Like when a few friends of mine decided to go out and get some pussy during the middle of a trip we carpooled lol and asked me if I was game.

    When I was with my honor society many people didn't even know and swore i was lying because I have a bad reputation of being a joker. And I only brought it up because a very metro sexual friend of ours was getting hit on and didn't understand why in which I said 'take it from a gay guy, you just give off that feel.'

    Or if someone takes it upon themselves to set me up with a chick or if a chick expresses attraction towards me. Yeah those are usually the moments.

    Or if I'm telling a story about an awful date I went on or a bad blow job i.e. another relevant moment, yeah kind of vulgar but my crowd loves it.

    " This guy - before I begin let me tell you that I'm gay. Is that cool with you? Ok?- like I was saying this guy was giving me a really bad blow job."

    So I neither hide it or force it out into the open. It comes out when its relevant.