Need input - coming out!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    I want to come out to my mom at the end of this year. The thing is, I never really had the opportunity nor the time to do it; I did university for three years and after graduating, moved right away to Australia for work. I've been in Oz for the a few years and this American winter will be my first time coming home for an extended visit. I don't know when I'm going to have another opportunity to visit them again after this, so I feel like this is a perfect opportunity to open up to my mom and be honest with her.

    This is, I don't know if I should come out before Christmas, between Christmas and New Years, or after New Years.

    I'm really nervous. My sister came out to her as bisexual and (according to my sister) she's still in denial. The subject never came up again but they still talk so that's a positive sign. But I could tell from our online talk that it still bothers my mom about my sister's sexuality. My mother is heavily involved with a catholic church next to our apartment, so predicting her reactions would be tough for me.

    I don't want to spoil her holiday season by coming out as soon as I land if she disapprove. But if she is supporting on the matter, then that would alleviate worries I have and use that time to build our relationship as mother and son.

    There's also the option to wait until after new years, so we can just happily celebrate the occasion without her having to worry or think too much. But I feel like the time is very limited if I do that to help her through it.

    Tips or input ?

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    Oct 17, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    Watch the movie "For the Bible Tells me So"

    Its a documentary about homosexuality and religion, and a very good one.

    Oh and by watch the movie I mean watch it with your mom. Do this before or after you come out. At the end of the day its hard for anyone to come to terms with it. My mom struggled and she is a college professor at a University in San Francisco that studies adolescent psycological development (which leads me to think that she would have an easy time with it.)

    Remember your mom wants you to be happy and most people think of gay men as huge whores who slut it up every night. There is nothing wrong with that, but if your mom wants you to find someone sweet and marry them, she will be worried.

    Also, remember that no matter what she really does love you, and have the courage to have an honest relationship with her (which is what coming out will do.)

    Good luck buddy!
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    Oct 17, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    My advice would be wait until you leave in a few days before you come out just in case it dosent go smoothly. DEF DO NOT come out before christmas due to your mothers views
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    Oct 17, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    I feel that if you're truly ready to get it out in the open, don't let the moment pass. Say it as soon as possible. Don't worry about her happy holiday season because ultimately your sexuality is about you, not her. If she still wants a good Christmas, she can make the choice to have one or she can make it miserable. That has nothing to do with you.

    The thing about coming out is that it seems extremely selfish to put the people you love through emotional torment and deal with changes that they didn't see coming. Flip that around and I bet that in the majority of these instances, if not all, the tumultuous times with families after coming out, even at its worst, does not amount to the turmoil that person had gone through for years up to that point of coming out. It may seem selfish, and it actually is, but taking care of yourself is always a selfish act.
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Oct 17, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    It helps to have a boy with you to support you. I volunteer ;)