When to Stop Emailing (Online Dating)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    When online, if I see a guy I like I send one message with a simple "Hey, how's it going?" or if they actually wrote something in their profile that I connect with, I'll mention that as well. Sometime I don't get a response at all, and that's fine, and I leave them alone. Other times, I do get a response.

    It may be a quick response and a question posed to me, and that way I know we have a two-way conversation. There are also times when the response is a simple answer to my question, like "Doing good".

    So, he responded, but did not inquire about my well-being. That's fine. I then follow up asking another question in an attempt to get to know this person, because at least they did respond in the first place.

    Is this a mistake? Should I only attempt to have a conversation with those whom I know for sure after the first message are interested in actually chatting? Does anyone else get the quick answers to their questions with no follow-up questions/statements for you and then feel like you're spinning your wheels?

    I feel like we could also have a bigger discussion about online dating email etiquette. If interested in someone, what do you open with? If not interested when you get an email, is it polite to ignore the sender?
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Oct 17, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I've been dating online for years. Here are my opinions/experiences.

    --If they never respond to your first message, let it go. They're simply not interested. Don't be that dude that never takes the hint. It's sad and pathetic.

    --If they only response curtly with a 'doing good' but have no conversational skills, they're just seizing you up and being nice. They tend to lose interest within a matter of days. You might get lucky once in a while.

    I personally hate dudes that don't have conversation skills. If you hit me up with monosyllabic answers, I lose interest very quickly.
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    Oct 17, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    I personally hate dudes that don't have conversation skills. If you hit me up with monosyllabic answers, I lose interest very quickly.


    I feel the same way. I feel like I'd rather you not respond at all if all you're going to say is "Yes", "No", and "Okay", haha.
  • zdravo

    Posts: 18

    Oct 17, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    When I send a person a message, it is always more then "Hi, how are you?" or similar messages. For me, if a person has a profile, it sends a message that you did not take the time to read it and are just sending generic messages to a bunch of people until one responds.

    I typically comment on something they wrote on their profile that indicates we have common interests then ask them a question or two. If they respond with a sign they are interested I will follow up and typically ask them if they would like to catch a play, or have a non commitant chat over a quick bite or something.

    Try taking it offline as soon as possible. I know some people may disagree with this. But I find that 5 minutes talking to a person yields more than a week of sending chance texts back and forth. And given a lot people are only interested in virtual communication and not meeting in real life, it weeds them out really fast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    It's important to read between the lines. I'll answer any email with a compliment with a thank you, but I don't respond to follow up emails after that so as to not give the wrong impression of reciprocating interest when I'm not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    with me, the only time you'd have to stop emailing me is when i specifically tell you to never message me again. so if the convo kinda falls off and you message me like a few days, weeks or months later then we'll just pick right off cuz im always down for a chat.

    but yeah be wary of those people who leave "hints" that they aren't interested. they can't stand persistent people although they're better off just saying no or blocking lol
  • sfjock11

    Posts: 52

    Oct 18, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    imho -

    i generally associate the "hey", "hi", "how are you doing?", "how is it going?", "sup?" with folks that most likely have a lack of conversational skills or are just plain lazy. the common answers to these openers generally consist of one or two words and none setup the conversation for anything else other than a bunch more pleasantries.

    if one is interested in someone, show interest by coming up w/ something more original than the basic openers and has some sort of real question.

    it does a few things.

    1. it differentiates the sender from all of the others.

    2. it shows that the sender might have a real interest in the individual.

    3. it shows that sender is interested in having a real conversation vs. just a "i am bored" and looking to exchange a few pleasantries (i.e. just to see some pics).

    a short or no response generally indicates a lack of interest.

    a longer response may show real interest, hopefully it contains some additional info to keep the conversation moving.along. if not, there might not be further interest. ask another question.

    to the previous post re: moving as quickly as possible to a live conversation, i agree completely. it very quickly sorts out who is sincere or not.

    just my 2 bits icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]PR_GMR said[/cite]

    --If they never respond to your first message, let it go. They're simply not interested. Don't be that dude that never takes the hint. It's sad and pathetic.

    --If they only response curtly with a 'doing good' but have no conversational skills, they're just seizing you up and being nice. They tend to lose interest within a matter of days. You might get lucky once in a while.



    + 1, ding ding ding and we have a winner !!!! I must admit, I am guilty of both of these - not replying back when I am not interested and just saying *doing good just to be nice or I'm just in a lazy mode to the guy and not hurt his feelings. icon_twisted.gif

    * Go watch that movie *He's just not that into you! I learned a lot from it.
  • reges198

    Posts: 94

    Oct 23, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    I'm having a similar problem right now. We've only chatted for about a day, and we've message back and fourth a good 4 or 5 times, but I'm always asking the questions. While I assume he is just being polite, why keep answering my questions and having a "conversation?"

    And right while spinning my heels about that, I got IM'd by a "straight" guy, who in addition to looking for the "all-american girl," asked if I was a top or bottom. When I asked him why he cared, he responded that he's in search for someone like me. He's cute, tho. Why is this so f-ing complicated!
  • reges198

    Posts: 94

    Oct 23, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    To actually answer the question, I have no idea when to stop messaging. When you feel like you're coming off as desperate? :/
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    Oct 23, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    reges198 saidI'm having a similar problem right now. We've only chatted for about a day, and we've message back and fourth a good 4 or 5 times, but I'm always asking the questions. While I assume he is just being polite, why keep answering my questions and having a "conversation?"

    And right while spinning my heels about that, I got IM'd by a "straight" guy, who in addition to looking for the "all-american girl," asked if I was a top or bottom. When I asked him why he cared, he responded that he's in search for someone like me. He's cute, tho. Why is this so f-ing complicated!

    If he isn't asking questions back then you're spinning wheels. End it and move on.

    That's what I do anyway. Strange part is that I'm never the one to initiate conversation. Just this week someone emailed me with just "Hi" I responded said whats up. Got one worded answers. To me, that doesn't make sense - why the hell are you emailing me if you don't want to talk? (rhetorical question)

    If you've had conversations with guys online, you'll know how a guy acts if he's interested in the conversation and talking to you. If you're sitting there, looking at a guys message and wondering how you're supposed to respond to a single sentence then you don't respond at all. It's just an indication that he isn't interested in talking.
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Oct 23, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    If I'm interested I will generally respond back with a thank you and a compliment, and a question to keep the conversation going. I usually take the hint when they don't ask a question in return or say something to spark a response from me.

    I keep having to remind myself: If they want to keep talking to me, they will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    HottieJ saidWhen to Stop Emailing
    When the boss fires you and the IT dept deletes your company email account.