Need advice on possibly relocating and ending a relationship....

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    Oct 18, 2012 9:24 PM GMT
    I might be moving to Pittsburgh at the beginning of the year. Ive been dating the most amazing guy for almost a year and half. hes got a career here and i have potential to start mine there...

    How have people dealt with this situation in their past? Give me some perspectives? Opinions?

    Does anyone know how pittsburgh is? are there gay men there? lol I need friends if i move there....
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    Oct 18, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    I'm in a similar situation:

    I'm, for once, at a point in my life where a relationship is not the 'end all'. It is nice, but I get so much fulfillment from my career that I must pursue that. He understands.
    The best part is that I don't think about tomorrow. I only think in today because it's the most important day of my life.
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    Oct 18, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    Wow, a big change is coming for you, good luck. Unfortunately I can't give any help, since I've never dealt with anything like this. You could try the long distance relationship thing, but I don't know if that would work. I would at least talk to him about it and see what you two can decide on. If he thinks you are the once and vice-versa maybe you can make it work.
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    Oct 18, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    its a tricky situation. i know he will never come with me because of his career (elementary education), his family, plus he isn't out. but i dont know if i could just leave him... i would be devastated if it doesnt workout because of this situation... but i dont know that im going to find another position in this area... ahhhhh im freaking out
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    Oct 18, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI was in your situation at 25. I was offered a huge step up in my career and my BF of 1 yr. had just moved in with me and decided to come along. He quit his job and moved to Orlando, FL. and found another, just so we could stay together.. a year later I was transferred to Dallas and again he came with me as it was another big step up. I've been in Dallas ever since and really made a nice life here. If things are strong between you and your man, someone has to make the move or you'll have to part your ways.

    I'm so glad he came along. It's added so much to both our lives.


    Wow, you've been with the same guy since the age of 25 (assuming i've not made an assumptive leap- possible as it is) ?! icon_eek.gif

    If so: nice one. An encouraging anecdote in the face of such a seemingly fickle and transient gay dating scene in the big cities (such as Lahhhhhndon )
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 18, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    I'd leave anyone in a minute if it meant I was going to make more money .... LOL .... just kidding
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    Oct 19, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    Ive been with my partner for almost 6 years and almost three of those years were long distance if the love and willingness is there u can make it work
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    Oct 19, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    Last time I was in this situation, my then-current bf quit his career and moved with me.

    BIG mistake!
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    Oct 19, 2012 12:29 AM GMT
    You said might be moving to Pittsburgh. Is this something that is contingent upon the employer's final decision? That is, do you have the job or not? If the status of the job is still up in the air, then I say wait and see what happens. Of course speak with your boyfriend and make sure he is aware of what's going on, but there is no point in getting worked up about something that is not a done deal.
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Oct 19, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    Fear of change can be a big obstacle in pursuing your dreams. Unless you intend to spend the rest of your life with this fella, I say take the plunge and follow your career. You're young yet, and many opportunities await you. If he comes with you, great. If you can manage a long-distance relationship, also great. If not, you will both survive and be all the better for enriching each others' lives in the time you had together.
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    Oct 19, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    thank you spacemagic
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Oct 19, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    Welcome! I'm in a bit of a relationship conundrum myself so I can certainly sympathize with needing advice.
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    Oct 19, 2012 10:12 AM GMT
    I moved to brisbane for a multitude of reasons and was seeing a great guy when I left. He stayed behind (I didn't invite him and he wouldn't have come with)

    I've regretted that decision ever since cause I could have done there what I accomplished here I just didn't realise it then.

    But sometimes, whats done is done and you get on with life.
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    Oct 19, 2012 11:01 AM GMT
    Thank you. I sort of have drawn that conclusion myself...
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    Oct 19, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    Don't do it.
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    Oct 23, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    Just thought Id update everyone!

    So it turns out since i told my potential boss (i just had to interview and i had the job) that i was cautious on moving out there with not knowing anyone. He told me because i wasn't 100% that there would be no point in interviewing me. So that opportunity has left the dock and sailed away...

    Oh and the best part is that the amazing guy I was gushing about.... yea he was fucking around behind my back the whole TIME.... YAY! made for a very shitty weekend
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 23, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    Wow, well make it a point to focus on the positive of all events and not the negative.
    Find a new guy... and hopefully one who will respect and value what you have to offer in a serious way. Maybe after all the "I'm leaving to Pittsburgh" discussion, he didn't take you seriously and started messing around. Unfortunate, sorry about that, but don't focus on that so much as your future ahead. Time to move along!
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    Oct 23, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    Diving101 saidJust thought Id update everyone!

    So it turns out since i told my potential boss (i just had to interview and i had the job) that i was cautious on moving out there with not knowing anyone. He told me because i wasn't 100% that there would be no point in interviewing me. So that opportunity has left the dock and sailed away...

    Oh and the best part is that the amazing guy I was gushing about.... yea he was fucking around behind my back the whole TIME.... YAY! made for a very shitty weekend


    Go back to your boss and tell him you're 100% determined. Do it!
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    Oct 24, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    ah well


    life goes on


    Off ya trot!
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    Oct 24, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ said
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI was in your situation at 25. I was offered a huge step up in my career and my BF of 1 yr. had just moved in with me and decided to come along. He quit his job and moved to Orlando, FL. and found another, just so we could stay together.. a year later I was transferred to Dallas and again he came with me as it was another big step up. I've been in Dallas ever since and really made a nice life here. If things are strong between you and your man, someone has to make the move or you'll have to part your ways.

    I'm so glad he came along. It's added so much to both our lives.


    Wow, you've been with the same guy since the age of 25 (assuming i've not made an assumptive leap- possible as it is) ?! icon_eek.gif

    If so: nice one. An encouraging anecdote in the face of such a seemingly fickle and transient gay dating scene in the big cities (such as Lahhhhhndon )


    Wow!! Very encouraging! Only one year together and he made the move twice for you and you both were still young! That's a strong bond!