Is this his way of saying he doesn't want to see me or is there a chance?

  • linvect96

    Posts: 22

    Oct 19, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    So, this great guy who I've been hanging out with, really really like, have great chemistry with....

    He tells me he definitely wants to hang out with me and see where things go. Then he starts ignoring me...for no reason. I text him, and text him, and then give up...then he texts me back unexpectedly and says that he's really sorry for not responding to me...that i shouldn't have to put up with his hesitation...that he thinks i'm a great guy...but that he's not sure why he's being so distant, he can't explain it, and that he hopes that when he figures his shit out we'll "run into each other"....the last part I like the least obviously

    I've definitely let people off before, but I never, ever leave it so vague....based on how we interacted last time, and what he said to me, and then this, I think he genuinely likes me and genuinely is attracted to me, but really has baggage or issues....

    I'm definitely a bit of a romantic, but could I possibly be right? And if so how do I approach this? I was thinking of just waiting for a while, then saying something nice but not suggesting we meet up or anything, and then maybe waiting a few weeks or so and checking in. I think I went too fast at first and scared him off, so maybe now giving a ton of space will improve chances of us hanging out and getting to know one another?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    *sigh*

    Total. Flake. He is a coward for not saying but he's not interested. He's a jerk. Asshole. And a pussy. Horrible person - may he and the rest of the worlds flakes burn in hell for all eternity. To be perfectly blunt. Trust your gut and realize that he isn't that into you. Wish I could say why. But in the unlikely event you do, let me know. I've been through the same thing with 4 different guys in a row.

    You know when a guy is interested. He'd text you and act like he wants to see you and talk to you. Saying and doing are two totally different things.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Oct 19, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Or, he doesn't feel the "spark" yet, is giving you a chance, and is trying to convey an honest level of enthusiasm, that inadvertently comes of as being manipulative and evil lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    So here it is; he answered!

    "He tells me he definitely wants to hang out with me and see where things go. Then he starts ignoring me...for no reason. I text him, and text him, and then give up...then he texts me back unexpectedly and says that he's really sorry for not responding to me...that i shouldn't have to put up with his hesitation...that he thinks i'm a great guy...but that he's not sure why he's being so distant, he can't explain it, and that he hopes that when he figures his shit out we'll "run into each other"....the last part I like the least obviously

    lol, of course you do. But he's explained how he feels in no uncertain terms, saying he can't explain it.
    Odd seeming but it's there. At this point as he's said specifically,

    "he hopes that when he figures his shit out we'll "run into each other"

    ....you should take him at his word, and you wanted his word in that other topic, and now part ways.



    warmly -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    Do not, I repeat DO NOT go to the world's end to make this work. Take him at his word that he just isn't ready/looking for a relationship. You're not going to change his mind. If he's into you, he'll do whatever it takes to make it happen.

    If you pursue this, he's going to half-ass it, just as long as it keeps you strung along... Then you'll wonder why there isn't more... And then you'll end up getting hurt, possibly the both of you.

    Been there, done that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    it sounds like we dated the same guy, if thats the case drop his ass, and block otherwise he'll hound for monthssssssssssss
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    He's no longer interested but he's trying to not offend you by putting the blame on him. It's the equivalent of "it's not you, it's me" approach. He's deft at this stuff.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Oct 19, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    Why would you put your life of hold for this guy?....When a guy say's he hopes he'll run into you sometime it really means don't hold your breath....Move on....
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    Oct 19, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    If he's worth waiting for, then hang in there. Let him know you are interested and that he can text at his leisure...no pressure.
    Don't sit around waiting though and if you find some one else in the mean time, that's cool too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    No amount of will is going to make a relationship work. Trying to control your course of actions toward a guy is just that -- Control.

    Why not give it up? and give up on the guy too.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Oct 19, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    It sounds like he's only trying to talk to you when he's bored.
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    Oct 19, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    I've been a similar situation recently where I thought the chemistry was good and I felt it looked good on paper but same thing happened where they didn't respond for a while then said he'll hang socially but doesn't see us as more than friends.

    It sucks, and it sets yourself up for failure when you put hope into it turning into something.

    Alas, two to tango and all that.
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    Oct 19, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    Word to the wise... don't spend your time thinking about people who aren't spending their time thinking about you. Sometimes two people are better together on paper than they are together in life. It just works that way.

    You've started three posts about this guy in the last 2 days yet you all weren't even in a relationship. If you were anything like this with the guy, it might be a sign that you are clingy/obsessive. That is not a good thing. Time to move on bud.
  • Grubberboy

    Posts: 70

    Oct 19, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    I would guess he has a bf already.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Oct 19, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    So you're single and this guy has clearly stated he's not interested in you. You have to accept it fully, or else you are going to continue on in this crazy fantasy world of what will make this not-happening relationship happen.

    Often when relationships start, they work smoothly and easily while people are all infatuated with each other. The hard work starts later, when you are better able to see the flaws in each other and learn how to accommodate that, or not. If things are not working at first, chances are good that it's just plain not going to work, period.

    You can have great chemistry for a date or a day or a weekend, but ultimately that is irrelevant if the other person was just having fun and wants nothing more.

    Maturity is seeing things as they are, rather than how you hope them to be. Take this chance to see how your hopes and crushes are clouding your reality, and see how this pattern affects your thoughts and actions.

    Rather than spending time thinking about this guy, spend time thinking about how you need to not let these totally understandable yearnings distract you from present reality. See the pattern now so you can break it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    linvect96 saidIs this his way of saying he doesn't want to see me or is there a chance?


    Yes, this is his way. He's not interested. Move on. Don't flog a dead horse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    he is not interested period. move on. sometimes some people dont want to be rude and make excuses and it is up to you to get the signal.
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    Oct 20, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    whatever3009 saidhe is not interested period. move on. sometimes some people dont want to be rude and make excuses and it is up to you to get the signal.

    ...which unfortunately ironic in and of itself since the whole act of flaking and leading someone on is worse then simply saying not interested.

    Case in point, the guy, like alot of guys, are only thinking of themselves and not how their actions might affect someone. These guys go about life all wimsy-like without a care. It's arrogant and what separates a good person from a terrible person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    ...but isn't not being rude an effort at being kind and considerate of another's feelings?

    The man took the time and effort to get back in touch with the OP, which says a lot of nice things about the OP, that the other guy thought him worth it.

    It also shows to me worthiness of that other guy, that he considers another's feelings, though he doesn't feel the same way, valuable and deserving of a reply.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    Yes, there is a chance; but you have to go to hell to retrieve it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    If a guy's interested in you, then he won't play games or lead you on. He'll open the door.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    camfer saidSo you're single and this guy has clearly stated he's not interested in you. You have to accept it fully, or else you are going to continue on in this crazy fantasy world of what will make this not-happening relationship happen.

    Often when relationships start, they work smoothly and easily while people are all infatuated with each other. The hard work starts later, when you are better able to see the flaws in each other and learn how to accommodate that, or not. If things are not working at first, chances are good that it's just plain not going to work, period.

    You can have great chemistry for a date or a day or a weekend, but ultimately that is irrelevant if the other person was just having fun and wants nothing more.

    Maturity is seeing things as they are, rather than how you hope them to be. Take this chance to see how your hopes and crushes are clouding your reality, and see how this pattern affects your thoughts and actions.

    Rather than spending time thinking about this guy, spend time thinking about how you need to not let these totally understandable yearnings distract you from present reality. See the pattern now so you can break it.



    Bam?