Recent Problems

  • flyinhigher5

    Posts: 6

    Oct 19, 2012 6:23 AM GMT
    I have been playing with guys for 6+ years. I have been having anal sex (though not alot) for about three and I have only bottomed. I have started seeing a guy that I like and who likes me. We have had sex three times and have fooled around on other occasions. Unfortunately, I'm running into a whole host of problems now.

    I have never orgasmed from bottoming. I can't stay hard while someone is in me and I cannot seem to work up the energy/whatever to cum even after he has. There has always been some pain associated with bottoming, but I would call it manageable. However, I have never felt the sweet spot that people describe when the prostate is hit. I feel that whatever pleasure exists is in my head, not physical. I want it to be good for him, and of course (call me selfish), I want it to be good for ME! Admittedly, I have only bottomed maybe 10-12 times which hasn't allowed for a ton of experimentation with positions and what not, but I can't help but feel like other guys are able to stay hard the whole time and orgasm while their partner is inside them. Am I watching too much porn - do I have an artificial idea of what anal sex is like? Honestly, I could totally deal with orgasming after the fact, but I can't even seem to muster that!

    It gets worse, though. Lately, with this partner in particular, I have had troubles getting off at all - even when no anal is involved. I feel as though he is always ready to orgasm and is often left waiting patiently for me to join him if I am able to at all. He'd never admit it, but I can't imagine this is very sexy. The weird part is, I have NO problem getting off at home, by myself, especially when porn is involved (which it almost always is). I tend to be very socially anxious, and I'm wondering if that is beginning to carry over into my sex life. But I'm also wondering if other factors might be involved. Am I jerking off too much? Is porn desensitizing me - requiring a visual stimulus? Is my fear of pain/performance during anal sex getting to my head? I never had these problems when I was 20/21 (just three years ago). Even in August, with a different partner, I was able to have an amazing orgasm (but no anal involved). I got to thinking that maybe one of the sport supplements that I'm using in interfering with my sex drive or sexual sensitivity (currently using Jack3d, beta-alanine, and BCAAs). I know that some ingredients in Jack3d have similar vasodilator effects as do those in viagra, cialis, etc.

    Anyway, I know that that was not a hugely organized post, but I wanted to preface with background information before I solicit you all for similar experiences, solutions, advice, ideas, or anything you can think that might help. And I do mean anything. Watching less porn? Picturing old men? Using poppers? Getting off the supplements? Help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    I used to orgasm at the drop of a hat (pants is maybe a better descriptor). I began training myself to be able to hold off/edge until later. It's sometimes frustrating now how long I can last, and it's done almost subconsciously at this point.
    If I'm struggling to reach that point I'll create images in my head of things of the utmost sexual appeal to me. It helps push me past the barrier I created.

    I would suggest you try masturbating without porn, using only your hand, some lube if necessary (I'm uncut so it's not; using lube makes it a very short-lived experience), and your thoughts. Try to massage your imagination back to life; fantasize about the porn you would normally be watching and recreate your sexcapades in your head. Try to insert this current partner into these thoughts whenever possible (I'm assuming that you are attracted to him and that a lack of sexual chemistry isn't the issue). That way when you are with him in person it will seem natural for him to be there.

    If these things don't help at all I would look into the supplements, but I wouldn't go altering your diet until you've exhausted some other options. Clearly your diet is doing good things for you; it would be a shame for that to be compromised icon_wink.gif

    Good luck!
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 19, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    If you really like and trust this guy, I think I would level with him and see what happens. He may want to help you overcome some of these issues and in the meantime would be a lot of fun trying. If he is a good guy, I think he will want to help. Porn is not a good thing to compare any sex with, as it is so unrealistic, most of the time. Might try staying away from it for a while, and hold off cumming until you are with your new friend. Good luck.
  • flyinhigher5

    Posts: 6

    Oct 19, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    Thank you both. I think that training myself to "last longer" might be a big issue for me, too. Hopefully I can be untrained?

    I am going to try to start watching less porn and hope that it restores some of my...energy. I read some info about getting potassium to help with erections, so I think that I'll try a banana a day, too. Any other advice from ANYONE is greatly appreciated!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Do you "only bottom" by choice or just because it happened that most of your boyfriends were only tops? Not everyone enjoys everything, you know. Maybe you should try to switch it around or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    If my body looked like the fake/stolen picture in the OP's profile, I'd prefer masturbating by myself, too...with a mirror.

    http://www.likemybody.com/hot-picture/t/txfootball1012.htm
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2012 7:23 AM GMT
    Blasphemy!
    Paul you detective, you!
    Flyinhigher, you should be super ashamed of yourself if you're pirating pictures. I'm ashamed to have fallen victim to it. icon_neutral.gif
  • flyinhigher5

    Posts: 6

    Oct 22, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    Real problem, but yes, fake profile belonging to a member with an actual profile. I rather thought that the profile was lacking in detail to a degree sufficient to render it obviously fake. I shouldn't need to reveal myself in order to seek counsel for embarrassing sexual dysfunction, right? If this were some creepy or poorly written post soliciting positive sexual attention, I'd see cause for frustration, but it's not, so I don't. I'll continue to check back for helpful posts. Thanks in advance.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 22, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    flyinhigher5 saidReal problem, but yes, fake profile belonging to a member with an actual profile. I rather thought that the profile was lacking in detail to a degree sufficient to render it obviously fake. I shouldn't need to reveal myself in order to seek counsel for embarrassing sexual dysfunction, right? If this were some creepy or poorly written post soliciting positive sexual attention, I'd see cause for frustration, but it's not, so I don't. I'll continue to check back for helpful posts. Thanks in advance.


    Well, I think you answered your question, and maybe part of your problem. Why can't you let others know who you really are and have to hide behind a false picture? Don't think you will solve anything until you come to terms with some of this. Good luck.