Oct 20, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
I certainly haven't - in gay denial for more than half my life. And yet I've always imagined myself to be very self-aware, very coldly objective in evaluating myself with great accuracy. I couldn't be more wrong, as the gay denial proves.
Another example: last night we were at a monthly gay networking reception, at which my partner spoke at the microphone. And when he was introduced, the host (publisher of half our gay rags in South Florida) recognized me to the audience, too, and commented, among other things, about my "lovely smile."
LOVELY smile??? That he pointed that out??? I have a fucking awful smile. I hate it. And I was so embarrassed that people were looking at me, expecting me to flash this smile I don't have.
But later it made me wonder once again: do I really know myself? Do any of us really know ourselves? I certainly don't, despite my long-held belief that I do. The older I get, the less I trust my judgement.
And what about YOURselves? Do you really know who you are? Or does the mirror reflect back what you want to see, and not what's really there?
Another example: last night we were at a monthly gay networking reception, at which my partner spoke at the microphone. And when he was introduced, the host (publisher of half our gay rags in South Florida) recognized me to the audience, too, and commented, among other things, about my "lovely smile."
LOVELY smile??? That he pointed that out??? I have a fucking awful smile. I hate it. And I was so embarrassed that people were looking at me, expecting me to flash this smile I don't have.
But later it made me wonder once again: do I really know myself? Do any of us really know ourselves? I certainly don't, despite my long-held belief that I do. The older I get, the less I trust my judgement.
And what about YOURselves? Do you really know who you are? Or does the mirror reflect back what you want to see, and not what's really there?
