The first time

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    Mar 09, 2007 3:13 AM GMT
    I have yet to have sex. I want to know for that first time does it hurt? If so how much. Is it a good pain or a bad pain. One my first time can I have it rough or should I take it easy? Should I use lubrication?
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    Mar 09, 2007 3:19 AM GMT
    Use Lube for sure, make sure you are relaxed. Do not rush it and be careful not to go for to long.

    There is some pain at first and you will feel uncomfortable, but it will become pleasurable the more you do it.

    Have you broken yourself in?

    It is often better to practice on yourself a bit first so that you know what you are in for.

    Go for it and enjoy.
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    Mar 09, 2007 9:10 AM GMT
    i would definitely take it slow. try to break yourself in a bit more before you move on the real thing. a finger isn't going to come close to preparing you so i would experiment with some bigger objects. call me weird or gross but i tried a condom on a plunger handle and it worked.
  • sluglove

    Posts: 7

    Mar 11, 2007 4:12 AM GMT
    lube is a must, I would suggest a silicone based lube (not to be used with silicone toys however) since it requires less re-applying, however test out a variety of lubes and see which works best for you. The anus has 2 sphincter muscles, one you can't voluntarily control, and one you cannot. Using a well lubed finger or toy you can slowly coax the second muscle to relax and open, this should not be rushed since the more relaxed this muscle the more enjoyable, and pain free you will be. If you experience any pain stop what you're doing, take is slow, you don't want to be feeling pain.

    Good luck! Understand that anal sex isn't for everyone so do not feel pressured into doing it if you yourself don't want to, you should be getting pleasure from it as well, not just the top.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 12, 2007 11:01 AM GMT
    I am assuming you meant, yet to have anal sex, rather than just have sex ?(oral and mutual masturabtion are having sex too)

    Anal sex is not the be all and end all of sex, so it may not be right for you.

    If you want to have anal sex then my advice is to use lube, lube and more lube.

    You will be very tense the first time, but do try to relax. It is not like in the movies, where it goes up no problem and everyone is happy. It can be painful at first and may take a few attempts to get right. But persevere.

    You will be sore the next day if you're the one getting fucked and there may be a little blood. This is common and goes away, so don't worry or rush to see a doctor.

    Have fun and play safe.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 12, 2007 2:21 PM GMT
    Hi Gymguy

    Opps, I wasn't being critical and was only trying to be helpful (I'm always sticking my foot in my mouth, so sorry if I caused any offense).

    Try not to worry too much about having sex. We have all had to start somewhere and believe me it is easy and very natural when you end up doing it (any sexual act is).

    If your first time turns out to be a bit of a mess, that's also quite common and it'll get easier the more you do it and I'm sure you'll enjoy practising to get it right.


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    Mar 12, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    Lube it up, Have a drink, lube it up some more. Try to relax as much as possible, and definitely do like the others suggest and practice, practice, practice. It's definitely not something that's easy to get used to. I wouldn't suggest playing rough your first run out the gate.
    Besides whomever your with should want to take it slow since it is your first time.
    Just relax, Lube it up, relax and have that drink. But enjoy yourself.

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    Mar 19, 2007 3:21 AM GMT
    if you try fingering yourself on your back with your knees up or doggy style, it helps open your arse a bit more and a bit of alcohol does help to lose your inhibitions if you can't seem to do it.

    something with a tapered end like a carrot is good (good for length as well) and slow relaxed breaths (or panting) helps you stop from tensing a bit.

    when you do come to have sex, it will be tight and painful for the first couple of minutes but if you think to yourself that it's temporary and you will enjoy it once the whole dick is in, you'll get through it. it's like doing a last set, one more and your done!

    the last guy i was with, it felt like the first time again when we had sex because i went with sex for so long since the guy before him, so it's really something to get used to on a regular basis if you want it to be relatively discomfort-free.
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    Mar 19, 2007 11:49 PM GMT
    Buddy, get yourself the biggest dildo or butt plug you can find. Relax, get lots of lube and practise. Once you master that you will be able to enjoy bottoming.

    When you are taking it in, exhale as you insert and every time you exhale take more in. Also, try tilting the pelvis down toward the floor providing you are lying on your back with your legs spread and your feet flat on the bed.

    Breathing helps a lot. Your muscles contract when you inhale and relax when you exhale.

    All good things take practise!
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    Mar 21, 2007 11:10 PM GMT
    post-sex you can feel a bit loose down there and might feel like you need to take a dump (you probably will need to clean up anyway) so contract and relax your arse muscles to help get it comfortable expanding and shrinking.

    and go slowly mate, small anal tears from not enough lube or forcing it in can happen.

    and most importantly enjoy it!
  • phill

    Posts: 117

    Mar 28, 2007 8:59 PM GMT
    This is a good topic. Im in the same situation. I have had oral sex before and along time ago experimented with objects and fingers. But im finally with a guy i feel is sexually compatable with me whom i trust and want to take that leap. Im not so much worried about the aspects of anal intercourse as the preperation. Should i be taking any preperation? any advice hints what not?

    Also im pretty positive that my partner wants me to top him and im kinda unsure what to do in that aspect as well. I enjoy that dominant position but i am kinda shy and uncertain as to what really to do.

    i jokingly said you better bring a compass and a map cuase this shit is confusing. to which he said babe id even hold your hand with that gleam in his eye. lol.
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    Mar 28, 2007 9:20 PM GMT

    Just be yourself, the great thing about sex is that you can try again and again. Relax with your partner and enjoy lots of forplay. Gentle kissing, touching, licking and sucking. You and your partner will know what you both enjoy after a while. If you enjoy something that your partner does to you, don't be affraid to communicate that. Also, let your partner know the same that he can tell you too.

    Have a great time and always protect yourself!
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    Mar 30, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    Take it easy. Give yourself time. Just be with soemone in a safe gentle playful way the first. Maybe just mutual self-pleasuring or oral. Educate yourself a whole lot more, as yo doing here. But read some books, too. Get some nice butt toys to. You can get some graduated (in size) butt plugs/anal toys, and use a condom on them as well, its much easier to keep them clean and healthy this way.
    Try to wait until you have a good healthy full bowel evacuation, especially if you're blessed with the occasional singular and perfectly clean type. You'll be already dialated, so to speak, empty and will be much more comfortable. Don't go for depth, but circular sidewall pleasure. There are some good vids out now on Healthy Wholistic Self-pleasuring as well as anal stimulation. There are many nerves around the anus and within. If you rush this you might have a regretable and painful first experience that might give you second thoughts. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, BABY!
    Stuman :)
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    Apr 12, 2007 5:04 AM GMT
    Personally, I'm more inclined to frot or 69, but I've yet to do anything sexually yet.