Gave it up - what now? (long lengthy post, but I need help :-/ )

  • ALj20

    Posts: 7

    Oct 23, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    Hey guys

    A couple of days ago, I posted a topic here, you can check it out but yeah it doesn't really matter...

    Just yesterday and the day before, I talked to this guy I'm going out with to discuss where "we" are heading. We agreed that we're in a big mess. I personally thought we were friends, but at the same time felt like we were on/off dating + FWB - so you can imagine how it would be a mess as well. We did physical things already, and he admitted that he felt guilty that after we did those things, he thought that he was misleading me to something he doesn't want himself. He admitted it was partly his fault as well since he was reciprocating things that I was doing to him, making me thing there was something going on.

    So yesterday, we had a sorta lengthy talk about everything and what he said was that he has been with 7 other guys before (including me) and he didn't feel the feelings I'm feeling for him for all those 7, even me, but unlike those other guys that he met, he wants me to be his friend - he considers me a best friend, even.

    Me, on the other hand, I really couldn't accept it at that point that we'll just be best friends and I keep telling him that I wouldn't give up on trying with him and all. I'm that sort of person who won't back down so easily...

    Before the discussion, we planned to go on a roadtrip together so I next time I get the chance to talk to him, I'll ask him one last time if he wants to try things again and see if it'll work out during the actual trip. Though I feel like I know what's gonna happen anyway - that he'd say no.

    And tbh, I'm sorta accepting that fact already really (I was in a worse position last night and the night before)...if he sees me as one of his best friends (even if we only met a couple of months ago), I'll try my best to be his best friend and keep my feelings on the down low. I still have feelings for him, no doubt about that, but for now I told myself to just show him that I've given up on him...if fate really wants us to be together, he would make a move on me some time in the future, and by then, hopefully I'll still be there for him.

    I just really don't know what to do now though...I want to be friends with him but I don't know how I should act with him, or how I should talk to him - do I talk to him as often as I would last week? Would I just act like nothing happened at all?

    I want to meet guys, but I don't know how. I used grindr to meet him and meeting guys like him is such a rare occurrence...I want to use grindr again, but I'm not sure if it's a good way to meet people...

    One thing's for sure though, I'll be changing myself - mostly to better myself at things, make myself look better (exercise, diet, etc), make myself feel better (read more books, play more games, enjoy outdoor things more) and probably avoid friends for a while and just discover more about myself in the mean time...and I guess changing myself partly because I still want to reel him in a bit more, albeit more discreetly, show him what he's missing I guess and to show him I want to change, for the better and probably for him as well...

    I might as well join the queer club at my university, meeting other people is a good thing for me at this point I guess...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Better get crackin'!
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Oct 23, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    bro, ur making this unecessarily complicated.
    chill out. continue to live ur life and see this person. See what happens. Stop fucking overthinking it. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Oct 23, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    Import saidbro, ur making this unecessarily complicated.
    chill out. continue to live ur life and see this person. See what happens. Stop fucking overthinking it. icon_rolleyes.gif


    This.. but also, you're going to have to 'give up on him' for real. Don't play the game of pining over someone that's not into you. It'll only cause you untold pain. Get out there. Keep meeting new men thru any means. Be his friend.. but do move on for real.
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    Oct 23, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    Sigh...yet another one who thinks sex is a precursor to happily everafter with a picket fence and a Brady Bunch family.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    I need to post one of these to help with my bf sitch icon_sad.gif kkk