Being cuddled isn't masculine and is the bottoms job?...

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    Oct 24, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    After sex, me and my boyfriend always cuddle. I bottom, he tops. He has a more 'manly' body than me, as he's more muscular, broader, hairier...etc. He always cuddles me though, and never the other way round, never lets me hold/cuddle him - now don't get me wrong, I FUCKING LOVE being held in his big strong arms, I feel safe, loved and all fuzzy inside...etc...but he never lets me hug him, because he goes on about how it's his 'job' as a top to cuddle me after making love. I like being held, but I wanna return the favor, but he doesn't let me, as he thinks that being held isn't as masculine...Is this normal?
    Are there any bottoms out there who've cuddled their tops after sex...or tops who've been cuddled by their bottoms?...Is it less masculine to be held rather than to be 'the holder'?
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    Oct 24, 2012 7:21 AM GMT
    alex246 saidIs this normal?



    no
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    Oct 24, 2012 7:26 AM GMT
    I'm the one who does 90% of the cuddling..

    But I let them cuddle me up..

    Or I lay my head in there lay and give them puppy eyes to play with my hair hahaha
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    Oct 24, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidOr I lay my head in there lay and give them puppy eyes to play with my hair hahaha
    omg fuk u im jelly icon_cry.gif
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    Oct 24, 2012 7:42 AM GMT
    asdfghjkl; it's too late at night to be reading about this
    Untitled-1.jpg
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    Oct 24, 2012 7:57 AM GMT
    I used to see a guy who was ~6'4.5'', ex MMA fighter...

    We were both technically tops (at that time at least ;), and both what most people would consider 'masculine' .. He'd hold me (I remember one time being slightly woken up during the middle of the night when he physically moved me closer to him, and turned me around so he could hold me on his chest whilst I slept), and sometimes clear lifted me off the floor against the wall to kiss icon_redface.giflol (I tried with him also- but it just looked/felt comical more than anything else lol)... Still, sometimes he'd lie on my chest, body wrapped between my legs, and I'd hold him and massage his head with my hands, whilst listening to music/watching something on the box.... It melted my heart muscle- srly icon_redface.gif

    Also, with a 6'1/2'' inch guy I used to 'see' (in the the biblical sense)/am still friends with. I think I held him more than vice versa when we were in bed, but he would put his arms/body over mine if we were awake watching something on the laptop... For some reason it was like we had an unspoken rule that we only really embraced in those two situations- for a limited time period.. lol... I have no idea why that was... Maybe we both thought the other wasn't comfortable doing so in other scenarios... I can be quite shy and reticent in that way if I'm not sure if the other person, if I really like him, is really that interested in general physical affection, other than in limited circumstances ... And that may come off as being aloof/disinterested? But, I'm not really- or at least I wasn't in this case (for Mr W ;) x
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    Oct 24, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    What's that got to do, got to do with it? *Sings*

    997861_o.gif

    Staying in such arbitrary roles can't be healthy for you. :/ Especially if it makes you feel alienated or somehow provide less than what you want to.

    Should you give up and throw in the towel?

    Nooooo; however, I do believe the whole top/masculine fem/bottom thing is outdated heterosexual normative mumbo-jumbo. A person should be able to cuddle regardless of what sexual position they prefer or like. I can't speak for anyone else but if I can't cuddle you unless it's on someone else's terms, they're not worth my time. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 24, 2012 11:10 AM GMT
    My thoughts is that he's stuck with some gender roles in that the more masculine "top" is supposed to be the protector and lover and anything otherwise is a sign of weakness. I'm vers so I usually enjoy being both the cuddler and cuddled. In a previous relationship with an older guy he would cuddle me a lot more than I him but I wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep on my lap or chest
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Oct 24, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    Gender roles are funny. I prefer the top or the masculine gender role in all aspects. My hubby wants to cuddle me so he can feel like he's in that role from time to time. I can't say I enjoy it, but it makes him feel better.
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    Oct 24, 2012 11:43 AM GMT
    Cuddling has no role. Every person in the entire universe enjoys being held. It gives people a sense of comfort.
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    Oct 24, 2012 11:59 AM GMT
    I never heard that before lol
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    Oct 24, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    He's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.
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    Oct 24, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    It makes sense in a way, but who doesn't move being cuddled every now and then. Even the most masculine tops need or want that sometimes. They're pride and insecurities about themselves are what gets in the way.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Oct 24, 2012 12:58 PM GMT
    Reminded me of a site called www.isitnormal.com
    Anyways I think it's normal.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.



    LOL!!!
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    if that kind of thinking makes life easier for some, go for it

    but it's restrictive

    and life places it's own restrictions....why add more.... just love people.... thinking makes it too much work
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Oct 24, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    after 11 years together cuddling consists of any touching at night.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    If my man said that to me, I would get so turned on....icon_twisted.gif
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Cuddling is for girls.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    If my man said that to me, I would get so turned on....icon_twisted.gif


    lol I worry that your gonna end up with a wife beater one day.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    jmusmc85 said
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    If my man said that to me, I would get so turned on....icon_twisted.gif


    lol I worry that your gonna end up with a wife beater one day.


    I like your new picture.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers said
    jmusmc85 said
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    If my man said that to me, I would get so turned on....icon_twisted.gif


    lol I worry that your gonna end up with a wife beater one day.


    I like your new picture.


    Does that mean you wanna hit me?
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidCuddling is for girls.

    Real men wrestle instead

    Seriously now, I don't think cuddling is anyone's job. It makes it sound like a chore or something. Do it if you like it, let him do it if he likes it.
    If he doesn't like being cuddled then don't do it. Or convince him that it has nothing to do with his top role.
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    Oct 24, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers said
    jmusmc85 said
    UglyAmerican saidHe's 100 percent. correct. Know your place, bottom boy.


    If my man said that to me, I would get so turned on....icon_twisted.gif


    lol I worry that your gonna end up with a wife beater one day.


    I like your new picture.


    Does that mean you wanna hit me?


    Well, if you burn dinner, yeah. I mean who would blame me?