I'm over trying to make things work with gay dating, unless I'm out of town:

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    Oct 25, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    So I just got back from spending almost a week in Miami, South Beach. I used to live in Florida, but I got the chance to re-visit. Although beach towns are very transient, it has MAJOR benefits. People are there to have a good time and don't have time to be pussyfooting around meeting up. It's short-lived, but you can have a date every weekend with a different guy if you choose, and if it don't work out...someone else will be flying in the next weekend.

    Where I live there isn't as many guys that come on vacation here from other places. It's the same guys on the same sites. I can give a whole list of ALL the guys I've met over 2 years I've lived here and everytime...it's ALWAYS SOMETHING. It never fails. Either they have family drama, into co-dependent relationships, in it for convenience, alcohol/drug abuse, racial hangups when it comes to choosing a partner...everything you can name, it's in the dating pool here.

    A guy I went on 2 dates with, texted me while I'm in Florida telling me he flaked on our Sunday night date because he "hates everyone on the planet"...then proceeds to tell me about his family drama. That was his excuse for being an inconsiderate prick. After coming home and clearing my head...I've come to the point that non of these guys are even worth all the bullshit. I've tried different medias of meeting people. I've tried working on myself. Everything and nothing helps. A lot of these guys seem more fucked up than I am. I know it's not just me because when I was in Miami, the 2 guys I met up with called me back and I even hung out with 1 of them again. One from Chicago and the other from Jersey.

    So at this point, I'm just done. Why would I want to continue putting myself thru this kind of stuff (meeting guys for anything more than a hookup) when I could just fuck and not give a fuck? Do I want to date? absolutely. But what can I do? I know dating doesn't need to be this hard. Alot of it is just seems to be done on purpose, like they just choose to sabotage relationships. And they can't help it. That's what's so bad about it.

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    Oct 25, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    feel free to make your own input about your local dating/meeting men out of town. I mean moral of the story is: Isn't it just better to meet guys out of town? It's almost like fantasy land. The guy is traveling through from New York, you're traveling through from Minnesota...meet up in San Francisco, it's so fun.

    I'm just so over all the bullshit. I got back home and almost immediately I'm annoyed with everything I been going through here. 1 week wasn't enough. I think I rather just live a pretend life in another state or something or just hibernate when I'm home. When the dating scene is this bad, you don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. Hence:

    "Don't wake me up, up, up, up...don't wake me up up up up up.."
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Oct 25, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    Honey, why such a long post to self-justify been pro hookingup? Just own it and be done with it! You got my endorsement.

    By the way, you are in your physical prime. If you are going to hookup, the time is now! 20 years down the line it may not even be a choice.
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    Oct 25, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    Dominican_Gent saidHoney, why such a long post to self-justify been pro hookingup? Just own it and be done with it! You got my endorsement.

    By the way, you are in your physical prime. If you are going to hookup, the time is now! 20 years down the line it may not even be a choice.


    Well I'm not necessarily pro-hooking up or against it...but I'm just saying that it really seems to be the most drama free way to go. I can name 3 people that I've dated this year, that I wish I'd of simply hooked up with them from the get go, or kept it to a hookup...than even considering them for anything more than that.

  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Oct 25, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    LTR aren't 100% drama free. That's part of the reason why everybody tells you that a LTR is a lot of work.
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    Oct 25, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    Good. It sounds like your not in a place (mentally, emotionally) to be looking for a LTR. It's better not to be dating than to waste your date's time.
    It couldn't be very fun to be on a date with a guy who's trying to find something wrong with you.
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    Oct 25, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidDo I want to date? absolutely. But what can I do?


    Move to a new city. Find another job and have a new adventure, if you're not happy where you are, why stay?
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    Oct 25, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    LOL@ dude who said he hates everyone on the planet.. With a statement like that I would have just rolled my eyes and deleted his number from my phone....whatta lame thing to say. As if you're expected to agree with him or something..... And his family drama? *yawnnn..no one gives a fuck.

    Just keep doin u.
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    Oct 25, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    Stuttershock said
    FuzzyPecs25 saidDo I want to date? absolutely. But what can I do?


    Move to a new city. Find another job and have a new adventure, if you're not happy where you are, why stay?

    Or it could be his frame of mind. That's why you have summer romances and vacation romances because people are relaxed and not caught up in their daily routines.
    So wherever he moves, he'll go back to having trouble dating.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 26, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    Maybe you need a husband if at that hooking up with strangers thing isn't working out for you.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    Dominican_Gent saidLTR aren't 100% drama free. That's part of the reason why everybody tells you that a LTR is a lot of work.


    OK, you kind of confused what I was trying to say. I said HOOKING UP is more drama free than trying to date someone. Because more often than not when you do try to have something meaningful with them, they come loaded with a plethora of issues.

    Here's another example just today. I met a guy 2 weeks ago who has been BEGGING to meet me for months We had a great time. I text him to see if he'd be open to meeting again. He proceeds to tell me he's dating someone he met 2 weeks ago...but get this, he told me when we hungout that he hasn't dated anyone in 7 years since his last relationship ended so badly. I was like, dude who you think you're fooling? Then he proceeds to send me a PICTURE of the guy he's 'dating'. Who the fuck does that? Seriously?

    Like I said, it never fails. Every single guy I've ever tried dating in this town has turned out to be full of crap. Whether we hookup first or not. It's almost like a curse LOL. I think alot of these guys either A) are intimidated by having a BF who has a really nice body...since the ones who like me generally aren't on my fitness level, or B) have some bias against considering a non White or Hispanic person as boyfriend material. Because I had a few guys who are already involved, try and hookup with me. C) fucked up in the head, D)on disability,E) had a rough childhood...the list goes on all the way to Z

    It's just a very narrow-minded place when it comes to gay dating.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    Let's end this: gay men have multiple personality disorder along with a side dish of bipolar.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidLet's end this: gay men have multiple personality disorder along with a side dish of bipolar.


    Great way to end it, considering the last guy I dated turned out to be bi-polar as well....his confession. Oh and the one before that was on anti-depressants.

    I honestly don't believe all gay men TRULY have these issues, I believe they have allowed themselves to be told they have a disorder and use it as an excuse to do whatever to people and hurt other people in the process. They had a rough childhood, but had never received the right counseling to overcome it. Or they remain in situations rather than find ways to get out of them, because they are AFRAID to be alone. AFRAID to be around the unfamiliar. Like dude, you WORK. You have a DEGREE. Get the fuck out your family's house if they are driving you nuts...and move out. That's what I did. How hard can it be? Don't take that shit out on me because I didn't do shit to you or them.

    I always recommend to alot of gay men to read books, educated themselves, rather than listening to what other people have to say all the time. I actually bought a friend of mine 2 books to read...unfortunently he's 32 and can't change to save his life.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:25 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    sonicpower19 saidLet's end this: gay men have multiple personality disorder along with a side dish of bipolar.


    Great way to end it, considering the last guy I dated turned out to be bi-polar as well....his confession. Oh and the one before that was on anti-depressants.

    I honestly don't believe all gay men TRULY have these issues, I believe they have allowed themselves to be told they have a disorder and use it as an excuse to do whatever to people and hurt other people in the process. They had a rough childhood, but was never able to get over it. Or they remain in situations rather than find ways to get out of them. Like dude, you WORK. You have a DEGREE. Get the fuck out your family's house if they are driving you nuts...and move out. That's what I did. How hard can it be? Don't take that shit out on me because I didn't do shit to you or them.

    I always recommend to alot of gay men to read books, educated themselves, rather than listening to what other people have to say all the time. I actually bought a friend of mine 2 books to read...unfortunently he's 32 and can't change to save his life.


    Lol. It really is unfortunate how a lot of gay men lack the desire to learn along with education. Most of the ones my age don't really pursue a degree and then later on in life they wish they did and then they become bitter because they enter the REAL WORLD.

    Reading and keeping up with current events is SO IMPORTANT. I cannot emphasize enough how much respect you will get for that along with being able to have a typical conversation with anyone. There is more to life than talking about who had the nicest bulge on the beach or who was voted sexiest man of the year yada yada ya.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    sonicpower19 said
    Reading and keeping up with current events is SO IMPORTANT. I cannot emphasize enough how much respect you will get for that along with being able to have a typical conversation with anyone. There is more to life than talking about who had the nicest bulge on the beach or who was voted sexiest man of the year yada yada ya.


    well that along with books on how to behave in relationships with people. It amazes me how many guys either don't know what they want, or are scarred from previous relationships because they didn't know how to handle them to begin with. Then, when a suitable guy comes along later...they harboring all these past issues that had nothing to do with me.

    I'm just done with the BS. I have hooked up with guys who then act all regretful about it afterwards. Like dude, you're the one who made the first move on ME. Or one guy I was liking a bit, we met twice but then after that he starts giving me attitude for no reason. I don't give them a reason to behave the way they do, they just act like that out of their own doing.

    I know the problem isn't just limited to me, because I have a buddy who does exactly the same thing.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Oct 26, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    Yikes! Is there something in the water in the Denver area?
    We're all very different in how we process our emotional scars, obviously, and it seems like you're open to meeting a broad diversity of people and "types". You sound like a guy who knows his own mind pretty quickly (or as quickly as any of us really can), so your confidence might be a hurdle for some of your potential boyfriends. Especially those dealing with ambivalence at the beginning.
    I can understand that you're tired of the BS and ready to take a break from it, but it sounds to me like you're wired to look for something meaningful beyond the physical pleasure, so I suspect you'll eventually be back 'on the market' for a boyfriend at some point. We can't really fight our basic nature for long and stay healthy.
    At 25, I can assure you that I was meeting a lot of different types with my own private 'non-discrimination' policy (which friends called my 'undiscriminating' policy). It was usually me who backed away after a month to three months when I understood that I wasn't 'feeling it', but at least I was mature enough to simply tell them that was the reason. (Though, I admit I did handle one break-up terribly at the beginning and hurt someone very caring, whom I later apologized to profusely.) Fact is, when I finally met the right person at 28, there was no second guessing. "My heart won't lie," Oleta Adams said.
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    Oct 26, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    ^^^^
    You know, I can't quite put my finger on it really. It's just frustrating because I never lived in a place where trying to date gay men was so complicated.

    I will say things have gotten a little better as far as being able to MEET other guys since I signed up for Grindr, but now I only like to use it when I go downtown as my neighborhood has the same guys online and alot of them are conservative suburban kids who probably never actually dated a guy in their life. Some live with parents. Others seem to be barely out the closet. One guy I went on a couple dates even said he's never BEEN with a Black guy before. And I assume most of them haven't, which further explains why it's been so hard for me. It's like, I don't want to hear this everytime I meet someone. I don't.

    Most of my dates lately have just been meaningless killing of time, with absolutely no possibility of it going anywhere. Not that I expect it to suddenly go somewhere right off the bat, but when they come at you later on with some dumb ass shit, it becomes exactly that. It's not that I'm so upset that it doesn't lead anywhere, it's rather the reasons it doesn't and many times it's baseless and contingent.

    When you tell me you found someone at 28...In a way I'm relieved as it means it's just not my time yet. Other than other hand it may mean more meaningless dates until the time is right. If that's what it has to be, then so be it.
  • drypin

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    Oct 27, 2012 8:35 AM GMT
    I appreciate that you posted that, Fuzzy.
    I think I underestimate what a difference it made for me moving around a lot growing up. I lived in whitey-white Hays KS, and Bradenton FL for a little while but I also lived in Baltimore MD and the Quad Cities, IL. I had plenty of friends and acquaintances of mixed and other races and it would never have occurred to me that I had to point out that so-and-so was my first black, my first Hispanic, my first Jew, my first Arab (okay, I've never been with a sexy Arabic guy, but you can't have it all). From your words, it sounds so objectifying and immature and actually pretty distancing. And you've made it clear you don't want to hear that anymore.
    On the other hand, you can't change other people - at least not without having some contact with them. The only thing you have control over is your own actions and your own attitude. I'd strongly suggest you think about what really matters for you and then start separating the wheat from the chaff. You sound like an intelligent, eloquent guy who's clearly very easy on the eyes, too. All these dates are perfect for learning about yourself even as you learn - or don't learn - about the others. Make sure to practice being clear about your needs in a constructive way and see if you can't educate a few of the more open-minded along the way.
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    Oct 27, 2012 10:46 AM GMT
    I'd like to see your Astro*Carto*Graphy map and your natal chart to find out what's going on with you astrologically.

    Second, the big difference between hookups and discreet sexual encounters vs. friendships with benefits is that the latter involves coming out. If I were to have an affection buddy who would right now this second go with me to Lifetime Fitness at 5:17 a.m. and sit with me in a sauna, then, with me, swim four laps, then walk the pool, two laps, then get in the whirlpool together, then go back to the locker room together, then maybe play racquetball or tennis, or stretch, or split up and do our own exercise and then check in with each other, the connection, the checking in with each other would not be anonymous or discreet.

    Togetherness in public requires being beyond fear of discovery.

    So much of a relationship quickly becomes doing the ordinary in public: window shopping, going to eat together, running errands, laughing together, cooperating, participating, complimenting and complementing each other, sitting at a library together with or without your laptops to study for your career or do your budget, pay some bills.

    The whole thing about who's coming around to see you for guys who live with their parents or family members is huge. Who gets to eat with you on Sundays with the relatives can be a big thing. Even when you have your independence, one still needs to socialize with family members. Many times family members do not approve of gay/bi men having gay/bi best friends.

    I can see why it takes about two outings before gay/bi men flake out. Anything beyond affection buddies in private turns public and gets on your family and relatives radar really quickly. "Who are you going out with?" Why do you need his companionship? Shouldn't you spend time with someone you can move out with? You want to live with a man? You can easily get a female roommate. That can lead to something. Your mother needs a daughter-in-law. (Oh, I knew he was gay. And straight people go straight to sodomy in their minds, skipping over gays who just HJ each other with French Kissing, or frottage. They always play male dolls in their minds taking their image of you and your friend and putting you together with pelvic penetration since that is the eventual bottom line.)

    And since you FuzzyPec25 are so muscular, you obviously make your potential partners look like the bitch in the relationship, if we're going to be image conscious about it. Of course I know people are versatile and guys with your build can be bottom.

    But, these images of how people expect the sexual roles between you and a guy play out are fleeting. If you're really not hurting Junior, who cares? If you really care about him and can take him off our hands and keep him from being lonely and depressed about being lonely, well, alright, come sit at the dinner table with us.

    ~ ~ ~

    Colorado may be a blue state by current senate party membership but it's no California or New York.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_states_and_blue_states

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    Oct 27, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    when we state enough is enough is it really enough? we can try to convince ourselves we are tired of going through the constant non sense with the men we meet but when does action take place to finally put a end to the trying to date drama