Why Gay Men Hate Their Bodies

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    Oct 26, 2012 8:07 AM GMT


    First of all, Does anybody on RealJock even watch DaveyWavey? lol (or just me....)

    What do you think of his video that he recently published? Do you agree or disagree with his statements? I especially 100% agree on his argument at the 1:40 mark

    This video kinda hit home since i have always struggled with body image issues growing up because I am naturally very skinny

    Any RJs also struggled with body image issues (whether previously or currently)? How did you move beyond what society dictated-- or what is going on right now if you are still a 'work in progress'?

    I think it's definitely motivating to be on this website daily to have others inspire me to continue working out and towards my fitness goals.

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    Oct 26, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    I have an ever going battle with the fat boy inside. At one point in my life I was over 300 lb, and no matter how much weight I lose and/or workout, I still feel like the fat boy is winning...
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    Oct 26, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
    I love my body, and play with it every day. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 26, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    p_rock70 saidI have an ever going battle with the fat boy inside. At one point in my life I was over 300 lb, and no matter how much weight I lose and/or workout, I still feel like the fat boy is winning...


    +1

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    Oct 26, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    He makes some good points in that video, especially the point about gay men never being 'off the market' so to speak.

    I think the problem arises when gay men are so unhappy with the way they look that they never see the positives about their body. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve things in that area as long as you can also accept how you look right now.

    Another problem is that a lot of gay men see their bodies as commodities. It's becoming more and more about numbers. Cock size, waist size, chest size etc It's kinda fucked up.
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    It's difficult for me to take this guy seriously. How can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community? Would this guy even have a webcast or be asked to join panels to discuss this issue if he were fat or ugly? His entire online career is predicated on the fact that he's good looking and flaunts his body, so gay men will therefore listen to him. Now he makes videos to talk about how and why gay men are "screwed" because of our fixation on looks..?! He even acknowledged that he broke routine by wearing a shirt for this video. Wearing a shirt! This video is wholly disingenuous in my opinion.
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    The equivalent of the pretty tall and skinny girl complaining about how society values her only for her looks.icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    I deal with mines all the time ... is annoying i dont look like i want ever.

    Its complicated ... all the time.
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    its my life. in a you tube video
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    I find WaveyDavey pretty ridiculous. I admit to not seeing many of his webcasts because I feel like they insult my intelligence by proliferating gay stereotypes by trying to explain them by pandering to them, but I'm off topic.

    I was a fat boy, I'm sometimes scrawny now, sometimes soft and undefined, sometimes I'm exactly how I think I look aesthetically the best. No matter the shape or form, I love my body. There's enough people who don't like me, judge me and would have my self esteem plummet because theirs is so low, they can lick my ass.

    *I love my body because it's mine* and it has carried me through 39 years of tough shit and it still rises every morning (in every way!) to meet the day with me. I'm honored by its strength, resilience, capacity to endure the weird often demanding things I ask of it and it is a source of unparalleled pleasure and sexual fulfillment.

    I guess my answer is No. I guess I don't have body image issues, probably because I don't watch WaveyDavey.icon_wink.gif
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 26, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Its complicated

    I have really low self esteem and body image.

    It's mostly due to being bullied at school for being fat and overweight. And I really hate the fact I'm cut. Ive had years of therapy to try and sort that one out.

    Even when my body fat was down to 11% I still thought I was fat and jowly.

    Im now working on getting some lean muscle mass on and seeing my weight go up makes my brain go "ARGHGH FAT! UGLY! EVIL!". Which is bonkers.

    I put on muscle quite easily and also fat so I have noticed Im getting a bit of wobble on my chest and tummy which in my head are the most enormous moobs going and a beer gut to end all beer guts.....

    But I think more than, the low self esteam from being bullied, the media pushes a certain physical type: you're not good enough unless you have big arms and a six pack and that is often over-emphasised in the gay community as, to be honest, the only thing the gay "community" has in common is sex. The whole "not worthy" thing also comes from religion too - just look at the traditional Eucharistic Prayer "Not worthy to pick up a crumb". All this negativity around us. Negativity in, negativity out. I think the whole body image thing is more prevelant thing in the gay community as this guy in the video sugggests, plus its becoming more noticable in men in general - it just used to be women concerned with boob size, ass size etc now its men too. Is this due to the media? healthy lifestyle drives? or that body image was thought just to be a "woman's problem". Most body image issues are, usually, quite irational and whilst wanting to be thinner, bigger, faster, fitter is a great drive to achieve your goals there h as to be a point where you say you are pushing too hard, pushing for something that is not acheivable (especially if you are totally ripped and still thinkg you are fat or skinny) and becomes negative and an obsessions.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 26, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    You look great man.

    But then I hear that too and the little voice in my head says "No you dont" etc. Which is not good. I just wish I could see the great guy others see in me. lol
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    Oct 26, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    AJKU31 saidIt's difficult for me to take this guy seriously. How can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community? Would this guy even have a webcast or be asked to join panels to discuss this issue if he were fat or ugly? His entire online career is predicated on the fact that he's good looking and flaunts his body, so gay men will therefore listen to him. Now he makes videos to talk about how and why gay men are "screwed" because of our fixation on looks..?! He even acknowledged that he broke routine by wearing a shirt for this video. Wearing a shirt! This video is wholly disingenuous in my opinion.


    I have to agree with AJKU31...except that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He was wearing a TANK TOP. This is the equivillent of a stripper wearing pasties. It's fake modesty.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    World24 saidWow, at least I am not the only one who is dealing with this disorder! From my perspective you guys are all so beautiful, it surprises me that we are all on the same boat.


    A gut at work swears I have body dismorphia.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    I'm always fighting with my image. I've never been 'fat' but still feel fat. I think it's more of a struggle to NOT become what the rest of my family is. I'm the only one that is in descent shape and it scares the shit out of me that I might end up looking like the rest. The older I get, the harder it is to workout (body is really fighting it) and the metabolism is so slow that it has a hard time catching up when I'm walking down the street! icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    xanadude said
    AJKU31 saidIt's difficult for me to take this guy seriously. How can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community? Would this guy even have a webcast or be asked to join panels to discuss this issue if he were fat or ugly? His entire online career is predicated on the fact that he's good looking and flaunts his body, so gay men will therefore listen to him. Now he makes videos to talk about how and why gay men are "screwed" because of our fixation on looks..?! He even acknowledged that he broke routine by wearing a shirt for this video. Wearing a shirt! This video is wholly disingenuous in my opinion.


    I have to agree with AJKU31...except that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He was wearing a TANK TOP. This is the equivillent of a stripper wearing pasties. It's fake modesty.


    So if he is decent looking his opinion doesn't count but if he isn't you won't bother to listen to him???

    Sorry - but you guys are part of the problem.

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    Oct 26, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    AJKU31 saidIt's difficult for me to take this guy seriously. How can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community? Would this guy even have a webcast or be asked to join panels to discuss this issue if he were fat or ugly? His entire online career is predicated on the fact that he's good looking and flaunts his body, so gay men will therefore listen to him. Now he makes videos to talk about how and why gay men are "screwed" because of our fixation on looks..?! He even acknowledged that he broke routine by wearing a shirt for this video. Wearing a shirt! This video is wholly disingenuous in my opinion.


    Very well said, and I agree with you completely--but don't think it's a reason to throw out everything he says. I don't agree with some of his points either, but as someone who makes his living in the front line of this issue (helping people improve their bodies, and working with people who have physical self-esteem issues), he does or should have some worthy insight.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    AJKU31 saidHow can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community?

    No one is born into the 'top 1% of the gay community?'. Anyone who got there had to put in A LOT of work, sacrifice and time. And once you get there you just don't stay there. You have to keep working to at it to stay there. Which is a continuous ongoing process of work and sacrifice which the vast majority aren't willing to do.

    People assume that guys who look physically good have done so effortlessly. Thats not true. They do put in a lot of work consistently over a significant period of time. Unlike what Lady Gaga said, he wasn't born this way. No one is. The process may be somewhat easier for some than others but not impossible.

    I don't know this guys past but he had definitely worked to get to where he is. Does it mean that those that have worked hard to get to 'top 1% of the gay community?' shouldn't be taken seriously?
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:14 PM GMT

    I don't hate my body. I feel when you hate your image then that's when you're at risk to do something risky/stupid (e.g., at the gym).
    I have decent definition now - sort of want to amp it up a little bit but besides that everything is chill.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Not gona lie, i would love to have a six pack! All it would take is me slimming down a little, but i think i love Paula Deen more... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    Everyone celebrating their sexuality must have blinded me to the fact that they really hate their bodies. All those guys enjoying sex generously who really just have low self esteem. And now I learn that picking healthier foods is really just an eating disorder.

    If it wasn't for online forums and youtube we wouldn't know anything.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    We have become our own worst enemy in some ways.

    I have serious self-esteem and body image issues. My other half regularly tells me I have a great body and look but it is so hard for me to believe because when I look in the mirror, I don't see it. When I was younger I used to HATE being mixed-race because others always made fun of my unconventional looks and reveled in making fun of it and the fact that I didn't fit in with any group. But thankfully, I have learned to embrace my unusual look the older I've become.
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    Oct 26, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    AJKU31 saidHow can he sincerely discuss body image issues (or even understand them) when he's physically in the top 1% of the gay community?

    No one is born into the 'top 1% of the gay community?'. Anyone who got there had to put in A LOT of work, sacrifice and time. And once you get there you just don't stay there. You have to keep working to at it to stay there. Which is a continuous ongoing process of work and sacrifice which the vast majority aren't willing to do.

    People assume that guys who look physically good have done so effortlessly. Thats not true. They do put in a lot of work consistently over a significant period of time. Unlike what Lady Gaga said, he wasn't born this way. No one is. The process may be somewhat easier for some than others but not impossible.

    I don't know this guys past but he had definitely worked to get to where he is. Does it mean that those that have worked hard to get to 'top 1% of the gay community?' shouldn't be taken seriously?


    NAILED IT!!!!

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  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Oct 26, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwh8ygvNdgo