Here is copy/pasted an email I sent off to the daughter of my friend who nearly exploded my head the other night. (I used Paulflex's long/short answer of no/noooo for my first time, I love that, it fit in perfectly). The cross-to-bear reference was what my brother said while spending an hour calming me down after that initial conversation. The Mandela reference was in response to my friend (the daughter--she used to reference in her last email) telling me that her mom only wants me to be able to be free in my own mind, as if I am lacking some understanding of consciousness. Here it goes.....
You write beautifully and you’ve good thoughts. But I need tweek a few things if you do not mind.
A cross to bear is something we do to ourselves or an aspect inherent to ourselves, those things we can not change but must learn to live with. PTSD is a cross to bear. If we are deformed, that might be our cross to bear. We we have a disease, we bury a loved one, living with that sorrow is our cross to bear. But someone hitting you over the head with a cross is not your cross to bear. That’s just someone hitting you over the head with a cross. They’re very different things. And it is a cop-out to call that a cross to bear because it says that your hitting me over the head with a your cross is my problem that I am required to bear. Well here’s my short answer to that: no. Here’s my long answer: noooooooooo; that’s not my cross to bear. If there’s any cross to bear there it’s me figuring out how to rip that cross out of your hand while your hitting me over the head with it and then shoving that cross up your ass. And that’s not even a cross to bear. That’s just strategizing.
Honestly _____, I was stunned by some of the things your mother said. I get that I need to keep in mind that she is deteriorating. Not being around her much, that was not in my mind at the time. I apologize for that. But it was like getting sucker punched with a left hook. She caught me completely off guard. I thought I was talking to a democrat and we were even discussing avoiding political conversation with republicans when all this erupted. And all I did was tell her that I avoid it as much as I can but that I will not allow my friends to vote without them knowing what their vote means to me. I do have an obligation to not be silent on this. They can vote however the fuck they please, obviously. But what your mother said was that it wrong for me to put into their conscience that their vote oppresses me. She said to me that means I’m oppressing them. That’s exactly what the catholics do. Oh you won’t let me proselytize to you so therefore you are oppressing me. Bullshit.
She’s telling me that it’s wrong to inform a friend that their knife is in my back. And this isn’t just any issue, ____. This is my human rights. 55 years without them. I am tired of this shit. Your mother was trying to silence me on my human rights. When did Mandela go silent? Free in his mind? Yeah, he probably wasn’t pissed off at all. That I should live their oppression as my cross to bear is what your mother wanted. It is easier than her and my friends fighting for me. For you to give up your marriage rights while I don’t have mine. Most all of you who have your rights, as well as our naïve & gay uncle Toms, ya all do it; you just did it here in suggesting I should be happy living my life in oppression. What in the world have I ever said during all the years that any of you have known me which would indicate that I would be okay with that? Long answer Nooooooooo. They don’t get my blessing to oppress me. I don’t have a blessing for that. I only have disgust for that and I’m going to express it. I would be in the wrong if I did not. And certainly if I and others remained silent no change would ever occur. You know me ____, I would never initiate the harm that they do to me by blocking my human rights or by trying to silence me on that. I would fight for them hadn’t they their human rights. They are my friends.