Bathhouses versus hooking up online?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2012 7:49 AM GMT
    So tonight I was kinda feeling like a hookup, went online and then had 2 guys flake out on me after being all too eager to give me their number. Is this really happening right now?

    I've gone to a bathhouse with friends like maybe 2 times. At first I didn't really like the idea, but the 2nd time around seemed to be kinda fun. I'm getting tired of meeting people online and also getting tired of going to bars dealing with drunk people as well. And lately, hooking up from bars has yielded fewer and fewer results. People don't really go to meet people that much anymore, it's more like going out to flirt, get drunk and be babysat all night. I don't want to put up with all that bullcrap every weekend.

    My only thing about bathhouses is that it just seems TOO in your face and I'd be a bit concerned about catching something because you just have guys coming in and out and doing groups, doing drugs, going all the time and in many cases don't even exchange a name or number.

    I wish I just had a regular fuck buddy, until relationship guy came along (when I lived in Florida I did..he lasted thru 2 boyfriends and all we were was just fuck buddies. When I was seeing someone, we'd stop hooking up. When the relationship ended, he was there for me). I don't understand these men out here. (I use that term loosely, like their buttholes). It's like they have sex with someone and think they conquered the world but fear hooking up twice will constitute a relationship. Get real. Just fuck already. Get off the dumb shit.

    I don't want to fuck a guy, and then next time an invitation is sent out, I'm being told they are dating someone. That's so lame. You're not dating anyone 2 weeks after I bust a nutt on your face.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 28, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    I used to live in Denver, used to go to the Swim Club for fun. Not sure what it is like now. I don't see much difference than hooking up at a bar, with someone online or at a bathouse. Actually much safer at a bath house as there are more people around to help if someone is a flake and you aren't at home or at their place. Also, safe sex has to be practiced in all occasions. Have fun!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    I've got a friend who likes the "$5 all-u-can-eat buffet" at the local adult bookstore.

    Anonymous sex thru a glory-hole, or invite a guy --or guys--into your booth with you.icon_wink.gif
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Oct 29, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    I wish I just had a regular fuck buddy, until relationship guy came along (when I lived in Florida I did..he lasted thru 2 boyfriends and all we were was just fuck buddies. When I was seeing someone, we'd stop hooking up. When the relationship ended, he was there for me).

    I don't want to fuck a guy, and then next time an invitation is sent out, I'm being told they are dating someone. That's so lame. You're not dating anyone 2 weeks after I bust a nutt on your face.


    gee, these two paragraphs almost make you sound like a douchebag narcissist

    you want a fuck buddy to be there whenever YOU need one but as soon as you're in a relationship you cut him off. and then he's supposed to sit around waiting for your engraved invitation to get fukd by you again. becuz there's nothing more rage worthy than having your designated fuck buddy tell you he's dating someone when you've just broken up with your boyfriend and need a good NSA shag. wtf? doesn't he know it's his job to be there for you?


    the "buddy" part of fuck buddy implies some mutually beneficial arrangement. you just want somebody you can use as needed, and that's called a rent-boy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said I've got a friend who likes the "$5 all-u-can-eat buffet" at the local adult bookstore.

    Anonymous sex thru a glory-hole, or invite a guy --or guys--into your booth with you.icon_wink.gif


    Hahahaa where is this place..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    thadjock said
    gee, these two paragraphs almost make you sound like a douchebag narcissist

    you want a fuck buddy to be there whenever YOU need one but as soon as you're in a relationship you cut him off. and then he's supposed to sit around waiting for your engraved invitation to get fukd by you again. becuz there's nothing more rage worthy than having your designated fuck buddy tell you he's dating someone when you've just broken up with your boyfriend and need a good NSA shag. wtf? doesn't he know it's his job to be there for you?


    Wow, how'd you just twist up what I was saying? May have mis-understood what I'm saying. Let me break it down.

    I was not stating that I need the person there simply whenever I need him. There are men out there who aren't interested in a relationship...plenty of them, for various reasons. Maybe they can't or don't want to. But maybe they are still willing to have the occasional hookup with someone. Some men have conqueror/regret mentalities. Once they finally hookup with you, it's on to the next mission. A regular fuck buddy is going to think differently than that.

    I also never said I would cut them off. I said I would not hookup with them while I'm in a relationship, if they aren't willing to be in one themselves. I gave an EXAMPLE of someone I had known and said we had stopped hooking up. That guy could not devote himself to a relationship. In other cases, I did NOT cut them off, I still chatted with them. Matter of fact, I had a fuck buddy guy here I hooked up with occasionally...he was not looking for a relationship. Just got out of a 10 year one. But when I started dating someone, we still kept in contact. Trust me, him and his 9 inch dick was not waiting for nan invitation from me. He got around plenty, just like most dudes do. Believe me, I ain't hurting nobody.

    Now as for the last part...yes having someone tell me they are dating someone soon after we hook up is not fun either. But...many of those guys aren't honest to begin with. They play the single card, but in reality they were probably already dating someone when they first messaged me. See, when I hook up with someone I let them know I'm open for more. If for whatever reason they aren't ready for that, and show in ways by making themselves conveniently unavailable, then I have no reason to wait around for that to happen. In the meantime, we may still see each other...but they know what my goals really are from the start. If anything, I'm doing them a favor. I'm not going to push a relationship with someone who's not ready. I'm going to keep my options open.

    You see where I'm going here? Where am I going here?
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Oct 30, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    Gotta wait for the good stuff, man. If finding a boyfriend was so easy, we'd all be in a very nicely tight category of either happily taken or happily slutting around. Personally, I buy into the whole notion that if you don't work to hard looking for one and just focus on yourself, you'll find someone in time.

    For me, I really lucked out. Went on a craiglist rampage the summer I came out, surprisingly never got into any creepy, weird, or fucked up situation. Then hooked up with this guy around the end of summer, and it slowly drifted from a fuck buddies to a relationship. Now 3 years later, I'm still with this guy and it's going strong.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't rule out online dating/hook ups. If you find someone you connect with, remember to get their number and see if they're interested in more. If not, cut your losses and tell yourself that you can do better.

    Good luck and cheers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said...
    I wish I just had a regular fuck buddy, until relationship guy came along (when I lived in Florida I did..he lasted thru 2 boyfriends and all we were was just fuck buddies. When I was seeing someone, we'd stop hooking up. When the relationship ended, he was there for me).
    ...
    Was he "only" a fuck buddy, or did y'all actually hang out and do other things together as well?
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    Oct 30, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWas he "only" a fuck buddy, or did y'all actually hang out and do other things together as well?


    No, we were just fuck buddies. The secret was he was coming out the closet and in the process of divorcing. The last time we met, he had finalized it. But by that time, I had also relocated. We met at the car wash...that never happens where I live.

    Puppymuncher said
    For me, I really lucked out. Went on a craiglist rampage the summer I came out, surprisingly never got into any creepy, weird, or fucked up situation. Then hooked up with this guy around the end of summer, and it slowly drifted from a fuck buddies to a relationship. Now 3 years later, I'm still with this guy and it's going strong.


    See I always hear about stuff like that, and it's not the 1st time I've heard that. The whole, "we met as fuck buddies and then became into a relationship"

    In my case, that luck doesn't turn out well for me. It always ends up as being a 1 night stand. And even worse...I don't know why many times I've hooked up with guys, specifically the ones around my age and younger; who make it seem like after we hooked up I did something wrong to them. When really it's just their own insecuritis.

    It's like they are all for it, in some cases even making the 1st move...and then come with some bullshit afterwards. In the past month or so from Grindr...I've had 3 GUYS do that to me. 3. All in Denver though, obviously. 1 guy, I have to see his picture right next to mine everytime I log on...he got all stupid with me after the REAL GOOD sex talking about STD's and how he hopes I'm clean, used a condom! Then I licked up his cum and he asks, "you're okay with just doing that like that?" Get the fuck out of here. There's the door. You not worrying about shit coming to see a stranger you just met 15 minutes ago for sex at 1 am.

    It's like please, take responsibility for your own body. I didn't force you to hookup, you came over. You got naked. Man the fuck up. And they just get all weird. Maybe they are insecure about their own body or something. So I'm trying to avoid that route.

    I also notice there seems to be a lack of guys actually saying they want a relationship online. I'm new to using Grindr and Jack'd and all these apps. It's great that there are guys nearby who I wouldn't have noticed before...but I almost have to question the intent of many of them. Most can't initiate meeting up, and when you do meetup, the chemistry in person versus over the app is totally distorted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidI'm new to using Grindr and Jack'd and all these apps. It's great that there are guys nearby who I wouldn't have noticed before...but I almost have to question the intent of many of them. Most can't initiate meeting up, and when you do meetup, the chemistry in person versus over the app is totally distorted.

    My $0.02 ...

    Apps have a limited profile space. So you need to get into a bit of friendly discussion to get a feel of the person. Not a lengthy debate. Also I'd suggest that you clearly discuss what your expectations are. e.g,"so what do you like to do in bed?" Based on his reply you could reply "sounds like fun. I like to ...." If he isn't into what you want, then simple say "ah.. sorry but I'm looking for open-minded guys who .....".

    The point is to clearly but politely ask what the other persons expectations are as well as answer the same and thus setting clear expectations. I understand you cant really describe the complete sexual scene. But at least you set expectations from each other. And yes, just like any other relationship, it takes work!

    If he isn't being conversant in the least, and I've come across some, then just quit responding to him and let him go.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Nov 03, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    I've gotten into several worthwhile conversation on Jack'd but have only met one guy who I see regularly. A few nights ago I was chatting with a guy and we exchanged several pictures including one of him in bed with an older guy. He's 29 and said he really preferred older. We swapped phone numbers and texted one another since with him eager to come over. I agreed on last night and told him to text me when he was near so I could meet him downstairs in front of my building and show him where to park.

    After waiting 30 minutes past when he was suppose to arrive he finally texted and said he couldn't find parking so went home. I wrote back that if he didn't like what he saw when he drove past, he should have just said that right then and there and not bullshit about parking.

    So how else do older guys meet guys who are interested in us? Not all that easy. icon_question.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 03, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    Is there really a difference between an on-line hook-up with a stranger vs. a bathhouse? It's basically the same thing except for location.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Nov 04, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Much safer to meet in a bathouse, more people around, and you can get some sort of chemistry, rather than arriving at someones door who you have no idea what is going to happen. Good film to look at is Cruising, it will make you think a bit before meeting online, Grindr,etc.
  • kew1

    Posts: 1595

    Nov 04, 2012 9:08 AM GMT
    Timbales saidIs there really a difference between an on-line hook-up with a stranger vs. a bathhouse? It's basically the same thing except for location.


    It's like shopping - in a shop you see the goods, online you have to wait for it to arrive before you realise it doesn't resemble the photo/is broken/doesn't fit/makes you itch etc. icon_smile.gif

  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Nov 04, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    you're right, that's a good tip

    i probably wound't have ordered scooby doo glow in the dark boxers if i had seen somebody wearing them in a bathhouse first.

    also, is it a misconception to think that everybody at a bathhouse, has, has had, or will have an STD within a 36hr period immediatly preceeding or following their visit?

    or am i just engaging in what the legal profession defines as "assumed risk"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    I don't waste time with online hook ups as they are just time chasers..they wanna pla games with you and mess with your head!....rather go to a bathhouse and get it done with.