Boy trouble

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Hey all, help me out with this one: I've been "dating" (for lack of a better word) this guy for 10 months. We met online in December. We live in different parts of the country, so at first we would text intermittently throughout the day, and Skype or talk on the phone each night. In February, I flew out to see him--it was the most amazing, romantic weekends of my life. We continued like that for a while (I visited him a handful more times and we continued to talk each day) for a few months. In April, I asked him if we are in a relationship. He failed to explain himself properly, but his answer was "no" and we broke it off. After a month of not talking, we somehow resumed communication, texting and g-chatting throughout the day, although no phone calls anymore. Our chats are flirty and romantic, like before. I've visited him in-person twice since then, and both times we fell right back into the romance and fun.

    I visited again last week. As a recently college grad, I'm looking for jobs--mostly in his area (for many reasons, obviously one of which is him). I told him again how I feel about him, and I asked what will happen when we end up in the same city. He said he "couldn't predict the future," but also that he doesn't know that it is NOT going to happen.

    Since my visit ended, we have continued to talk normally--except that over the past three days, I have barely heard from him. I shot him a text saying "Hey, what's up with you? You've been unusually quiet the past few days! icon_sad.gif" to which he replied that he has been very busy, is checking his phone less because he wants to be "present" with people, and that he doesn't have time for "constant communication...it's too much for me."

    I'm not sure how to make heads or tails of this--this seems very out-of-character. We've been at this (whatever "this" is) almost a year. I literally saw him a week ago, and everything was happy and wonderful. He had every opportunity to break things off--I gave him the out during our talk! Is he being "present" with some other guy? If he can't handle this "constant communication," why has he been texting me constantly for 10 months?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    He's not as into you as you are him. Plus he liked the attention you were giving him.
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    Oct 27, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    Sounds like the two of you are just on different pages. You want something like a relationship and he's not sure what he wants, but, After 10 months of "dating" it'd be hard to just break it off out of nowhere.

    You should try asking him again where you two stand, if his answer is the same, then move on. No use going through this with someone who isnt putting in effort to progress your relationship.
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    Oct 27, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    1. Convenience and lack of obligation is what has fueled/maintained the relationship.
    2. Being in communication for a 10 month span while only having been in physical contact with that person a small % negates the level of trust/honesty/compassion you would expect for a relationship that long.
    3. Technology like texting allows us to fuel fires that would otherwise burn out after no time at all. This combined with #1 allows him to do virtually anything with anyone while maintaining a "relationship" with you.
    4. He enjoyed having you around when you went to visit because he has grown to like you, but he's being realistic. Until you ended up in his city he couldn't (and wouldn't) commit to a serious relationship with you. That's assuming you would both still want to once you were able to spend more time together.
    5.Relationships that involve distance/time apart sometimes appear more promising because each time you're reunited it's new, fresh, and passionate. Those same feelings might not stick around once the two of you are in closer quarters for longer.

    My 2 (maybe 3) cents. Personal experiences have helped formulate the above opinions.