Are your friends as hot as you and if so, why?

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    Sep 03, 2008 4:15 AM GMT
    Just curious, I've seen this more when I was living in DC, but do you only associate with people you view as hot as you?

    For my part, I'm pretty open with who I associate with. Also, some of my hottest boyfriends I've had I've met through "unattractive" friends.

    Yeah, sometimes my kindness has bitten me in the ass when I ended up trying to be friendly with assorted stalkers and psychos. But this is not to say ALL "unattractive" or "less attractive" people are psychos or stalkers.

    99% of the peeps I've met have been pretty cool guys: intelligent, funny, and good friends. Just because I don't want to jump in the sack with them doesn't mean I can't be friends with them or even respond to their emails.

    So again, do you only hang out with people you view as equally hot?

    If so, why?

    Is it for sexual reasons?

    Do gay men have to be attracted to their friends?

    Are friendships better when they are based on looks?

    Do you look down on those you think less attractive?
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    Sep 03, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    speaking as someone living in nowhere, i'm glad to have any nice gay people in my life at all, regardless what they look like. i can say; however, that when i was living in big cities with gayborhoods, i was friends with whomever i felt a friendship connection. i personally have trouble being too close of friends with people i'm attracted to, because i don't always separate friendship from romantic stuff well.

    i wonder if that means i discriminate against hot people in the friendship department??

    philosophy sucks.
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    Sep 03, 2008 8:02 AM GMT
    I generally tend to find that my friends get hotter the more I know them. I guess familiarity sets in and they just look more attractive to me (regardless of gender).

    For me, I'm more attracted to hot people, but as long as the person is coherent and smart enough, I don't have to find someone attractive to befriend them. =P
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    Sep 03, 2008 10:42 AM GMT
    conativejj saidJust curious, I've seen this more when I was living in DC, but do you only associate with people you view as hot as you?


    You're kidding, right? Is there like an objective hotness standard? Are there gray areas? Do you allow for a hotness probationary period, for example depending on the guy's next haircut?

    For my part, I'm pretty open with who I associate with. Also, some of my hottest boyfriends I've had I've met through "unattractive" friends.

    And I'm sure your unattractive friends were pleased that they could have found a way to be of service to you. No doubt it made their day.

    Yeah, sometimes my kindness has bitten me in the ass when I ended up trying to be friendly with assorted stalkers and psychos. But this is not to say ALL "unattractive" or "less attractive" people are psychos or stalkers.

    No, you're right there, statistically only most unattractive people are psychos. There are exceptions, clearly.

    Just because I don't want to jump in the sack with them doesn't mean I can't be friends with them or even respond to their emails.

    I mean hey, these people have to understand the limits. Then we'll get along fine.

    So again, do you only hang out with people you view as equally hot?

    Hell no, as you pointed out, uglies can be useful to you.

    Do gay men have to be attracted to their friends?

    No, but the uglies have to realize that we can't be seen together most places, certainly not in clubs.

    Are friendships better when they are based on looks?

    Better? Better than what? Is there anything else to judge them on?

    Do you look down on those you think less attractive?

    No, the poor things can't help themselves. It wouldn't be right.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:08 AM GMT
    jprichva: lol. You have kicked that man to the curb. Very funny.

    Congratulations conativejj's you have revealed yourself to be shallow, superficial and stupid. I don't think I'd want you as a friend - whether you thought I was hot or not.
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    Sep 03, 2008 12:33 PM GMT
    Wow, thanks you two for twisting my words, KUDOS!

    So since you took offense to my post, I am to assume it struck a bone? I decided to post this after I saw the other post about a guy complaining that only people he is not attracted to hit him up. Additionally from my time when I was in DC, I came to realize that I wasn't "hot" enough to be friends with certain people, or even get an email response.

    I'm sure a good 99% of us have been in that situation.

    So I was genuinely interested in why certain gays decide who they are friends with by their looks.

    And when I called my friends "unattractive" I was just going by what I see on thousands of profiles on here and other sites:

    A little out of shape, feminine, not muscular, not a model's face, etc. etc. You know, the typical shallow BS you see people put on their profile, ie. "I only like active guys who take care of their body" (when they mean you have to have a six pack and be really muscular).

    So again, thanks for twisting my words to make yourselves feel better. I guess that answers part of my question as to how certain gays justify their superficiality when it comes to other gays. Just attack the other people as superficial. Nice. I'll keep that in mind for future reference/use.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2008 12:39 PM GMT
    To those who have more than a few brain cells to read between the lines, I created this post in response to this one:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/273779/

    BerberKnight saidIs anybody tired of attracting all the guys he would never consider dating?

    That's my case!

    I don't have one type of guy in particular, but I know what I like and recognize it when I see it. The problem is that I, for some reason, seem to attract only those who are definitely far from what I'm looking for in a guy.

    What to do? icon_sad.gif

    http://cruciblecrucified.blogspot.com/


    And my response:

    conativejj saidSome of the hottest boyfriends I've had I've met through "unattractive" friends. I see no point in being the typical gay guy and only being friends with attractive guys. I DO know I dislike immature guys who ignore messages from people who take the time to say hi.

    I at least respond to the first message I get from someone, and will keep chatting so long as the conversation is decent.

    So quit being a typical fag and get out of your superficial mindset and make some friends with these "unattractive" people. You may just meet your A & F model wannabe boyfriend through one of these people.
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    Sep 03, 2008 12:54 PM GMT
    gettoknowit saidI once heard that in love it is good to "love the one your with" and also love how you look together. Now this can be broken down on many levels. Feel free to analyze either one for me and share your thoughts with me. I know I like to be next to the pretty people when I'm walking down the street and such. And I also like to maintain a compatability projection of a relationship for the camera. So, if you're sane and we get along well then all is well.


    I agree, and that's more for intimate relationships, that if you love a person it shouldn't matter how they look. The same should apply to friends too I would think. I don't expect perfection from my friends or boyfriend, or even myself. I know as humans, we are far from perfect, either physically, mentally, or intellectually.

    Being slightly Machiavellian as I am, I don't understand why these superficial guys who HAVE to be surrounded by other pretty boys don't just hang out with guys they view as ugly so they look better by comparison?

    But I guess the way the human brain works, people actually appear more attractive if they are surrounded by attractive people. Probably something to do with cognitive dissonance, as in, "He has lots of hot friends, so he must be hot too... Or else why would they hang out with him?"
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:07 PM GMT
    jprichva said:

    No, you're right there, statistically only most unattractive people are psychos. There are exceptions, clearly.


    This truly had me laughing! Both for the obvious and 'inside jokes'. I think I'll have a plaque made up of this for my wall.

    Since hotness is a relative term, it is completely irrelevant to those who are my friends. Their 'hotness' is in my eye's alone, higher than the average cross section of the population only because they are my friends. Any aspect of determining friendship based on any aspect of 'hotness' is so shallow that it bares no further response.

    Physicality is only one aspect of 'hotness' that is far more easily eliminated by personality than physical deficit. True kindness, compassion, wit, intellect and skill are far more likely to be lasting and stable attributes than physical beauty alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:15 PM GMT
    My best "male" friend is my dog, and yeah I'm thinkin' he's a lot better looking than me...

    Photobucket
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:22 PM GMT
    gettoknowit said
    conativejj said
    gettoknowit saidI once heard that in love it is good to "love the one your with" and also love how you look together. Now this can be broken down on many levels. Feel free to analyze either one for me and share your thoughts with me. I know I like to be next to the pretty people when I'm walking down the street and such. And I also like to maintain a compatability projection of a relationship for the camera. So, if you're sane and we get along well then all is well.


    I agree, and that's more for intimate relationships, that if you love a person it shouldn't matter how they look. The same should apply to friends too I would think. I don't expect perfection from my friends or boyfriend, or even myself. I know as humans, we are far from perfect, either physically, mentally, or intellectually.

    Being slightly Machiavellian as I am, I don't understand why these superficial guys who HAVE to be surrounded by other pretty boys don't just hang out with guys they view as ugly so they look better by comparison?

    But I guess the way the human brain works, people actually appear more attractive if they are surrounded by attractive people. Probably something to do with cognitive dissonance, as in,

    "He has lots of hot friends, so he must be hot too... Or else why would they hang out with him?"


    What kind of logic is that?


    Actually, like I said, cognitive dissonance, it's not supposed to be logical. Cognitive dissonance is how the brain tricks us into thinking something is so, when it absolutely is not. Think of things like a congregation viewing their pastor still as a moral authority when he was caught in a sex scandal cheating on his wife with a male prostitute. Doesn't make logical sense right? Yet the brain still wants to believe this person is a moral authority.

    Cognitive dissonance happens a lot in politics too, like believing one party is better able to protect you than the other, etc.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:30 PM GMT
    bgcat57 saidjprichva said:

    No, you're right there, statistically only most unattractive people are psychos. There are exceptions, clearly.


    This truly had me laughing! Both for the obvious and 'inside jokes'. I think I'll have a plaque made up of this for my wall.

    Since hotness is a relative term, it is completely irrelevant to those who are my friends. Their 'hotness' is in my eye's alone, higher than the average cross section of the population only because they are my friends. Any aspect of determining friendship based on any aspect of 'hotness' is so shallow that it bares no further response.

    Physicality is only one aspect of 'hotness' that is far more easily eliminated by personality than physical deficit. True kindness, compassion, wit, intellect and skill are far more likely to be lasting and stable attributes than physical beauty alone.


    That I can agree with. And realizing "hottness" is a relative term, I meant it from the individual's point of view. As in, searching through profiles, you make the snap decision not to respond to an email from a person after you look at their pics and you decide "eww, not replying to this guy" based on how he looks in his pictures.

    There are some norms of "beauty" however, determined through research. A symmetrical face, for example, and having a "proportionate" body.

    Believe it or not, there are people out in the gay community exactly like that. I've been doing studies on that for the last few years doing different experiments and gathering information.

    One sad fact I've uncovered is that "hot" people can get away with treating people like crap more often than "average" people. One experiment I did back in DC involved a "hot" guy and an "average Joe" and keeping track of how the same individuals responded to each person online. Even when the hot guy treated people like crap, calling them names, and belittling them, the recipient kept the conversation going. Sadly, the recipient often accepted the criticism from the "hot" guy, apologized for it, and still called the guy hot.

    As in, "Yeah, I know I'm out of shape, but you're still hot"

    So I'm hoping that through this research I can discover new ways to combat this intra-group hatred and work towards the day when gays quit cutting each other down. It reminds me a lot of middle school girls.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    BodyWork4 saidMy best "male" friend is my dog, and yeah I'm thinkin' he's a lot better looking than me...

    Photobucket


    I agree, that is one nice looking dog. Good picture too, did you take it? Good color use, kinda pops to life.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    i like to be friends with all ugly people -- that way I am the most attractive!

    icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    I've.. never really thought about it. It really doesn't make sense why people would do that. Like only good looking people can make good friends? Or Ugly people always make bad friends? I dunno.. I always thought it was rude to decide who's ugly, and who's not. People have different tastes, and someone I find attractive might look to you like they fell out of the ugly tree, and then somebody beat them with one of the branches.

    I would never think less of someone because to me, they appear unattractive. Because I would never want someone to do the same to me.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:42 PM GMT
    conativejj said
    gettoknowit said
    conativejj said
    gettoknowit saidI once heard that in love it is good to "love the one your with" and also love how you look together. Now this can be broken down on many levels. Feel free to analyze either one for me and share your thoughts with me. I know I like to be next to the pretty people when I'm walking down the street and such. And I also like to maintain a compatability projection of a relationship for the camera. So, if you're sane and we get along well then all is well.


    I agree, and that's more for intimate relationships, that if you love a person it shouldn't matter how they look. The same should apply to friends too I would think. I don't expect perfection from my friends or boyfriend, or even myself. I know as humans, we are far from perfect, either physically, mentally, or intellectually.

    Being slightly Machiavellian as I am, I don't understand why these superficial guys who HAVE to be surrounded by other pretty boys don't just hang out with guys they view as ugly so they look better by comparison?

    But I guess the way the human brain works, people actually appear more attractive if they are surrounded by attractive people. Probably something to do with cognitive dissonance, as in,

    "He has lots of hot friends, so he must be hot too... Or else why would they hang out with him?"


    What kind of logic is that?


    Actually, like I said, cognitive dissonance, it's not supposed to be logical. Cognitive dissonance is how the brain tricks us into thinking something is so, when it absolutely is not. Think of things like a congregation viewing their pastor still as a moral authority when he was caught in a sex scandal cheating on his wife with a male prostitute. Doesn't make logical sense right? Yet the brain still wants to believe this person is a moral authority.

    Cognitive dissonance happens a lot in politics too, like believing one party is better able to protect you than the other, etc.


    I just feel like pointing out that you're getting cause and effect mixed up. Cognitive dissonance is caused by 2 conflicting ideas, however it doesn't go farther than that. However that dissonance can cause one idea to be ignored and the other promoted, or the creating of a new 3rd idea compatable with the conflicting ones, and all that is done to reduce the dissonance felt. Off topic, but I felt that it was important.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    conativejj said
    BodyWork4 saidMy best "male" friend is my dog, and yeah I'm thinkin' he's a lot better looking than me...

    Photobucket


    I agree, that is one nice looking dog. Good picture too, did you take it? Good color use, kinda pops to life.



    Yes sir I did and thanks, wasn't easy he hates having a picture taken.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    Ghen said
    conativejj said
    gettoknowit said
    conativejj said
    gettoknowit saidI once heard that in love it is good to "love the one your with" and also love how you look together. Now this can be broken down on many levels. Feel free to analyze either one for me and share your thoughts with me. I know I like to be next to the pretty people when I'm walking down the street and such. And I also like to maintain a compatability projection of a relationship for the camera. So, if you're sane and we get along well then all is well.


    I agree, and that's more for intimate relationships, that if you love a person it shouldn't matter how they look. The same should apply to friends too I would think. I don't expect perfection from my friends or boyfriend, or even myself. I know as humans, we are far from perfect, either physically, mentally, or intellectually.

    Being slightly Machiavellian as I am, I don't understand why these superficial guys who HAVE to be surrounded by other pretty boys don't just hang out with guys they view as ugly so they look better by comparison?

    But I guess the way the human brain works, people actually appear more attractive if they are surrounded by attractive people. Probably something to do with cognitive dissonance, as in,

    "He has lots of hot friends, so he must be hot too... Or else why would they hang out with him?"


    What kind of logic is that?


    Actually, like I said, cognitive dissonance, it's not supposed to be logical. Cognitive dissonance is how the brain tricks us into thinking something is so, when it absolutely is not. Think of things like a congregation viewing their pastor still as a moral authority when he was caught in a sex scandal cheating on his wife with a male prostitute. Doesn't make logical sense right? Yet the brain still wants to believe this person is a moral authority.

    Cognitive dissonance happens a lot in politics too, like believing one party is better able to protect you than the other, etc.


    I just feel like pointing out that you're getting cause and effect mixed up. Cognitive dissonance is caused by 2 conflicting ideas, however it doesn't go farther than that. However that dissonance can cause one idea to be ignored and the other promoted, or the creating of a new 3rd idea compatable with the conflicting ones, and all that is done to reduce the dissonance felt. Off topic, but I felt that it was important.


    No, you're right, my bad. I think a similar idea applies in this case. Maybe I just forget the technical term.
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    Sep 03, 2008 1:58 PM GMT
    I would say all my friends are much more attractive than I am. I tend to be the ugly duckling of the group. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to meet anyone when I go out with my friends because the hotties all damn near knock my ass over trying to get to them.icon_lol.gif


    Yours truly,

    "Rhoda"
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    Sep 03, 2008 2:12 PM GMT
    conativejj said

    So I was genuinely interested in why certain gays decide who they are friends with by their looks.



    They're called assholes!
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    Sep 03, 2008 2:16 PM GMT
    RBY71 saidI would say all my friends are much more attractive than I am. I tend to be the ugly duckling of the group. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to meet anyone when I go out with my friends because the hotties all damn near knock my ass over trying to get to them.icon_lol.gif


    Yours truly,

    "Rhoda"


    "Hello, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm another person in the room."
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    Sep 05, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    I don't know, I'm the kind of person who can see something attractive in everyone. Admittedly not always physical, but if humans were only physical beings, we'd be pretty damn boring.

    So even if someone is "overweight" or "scrawny" I might like their eyes, or their voice, or their sense of humor, or their intelligence, or they style, or any other number of attributes and traits.

    Unfortunately, I know there are far too many in the gay community that can't look passed the physical, or who automatically assume if you don't meet their standards of beauty, then you're not worth their time, or worse, that there is something else wrong with you.
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    Sep 05, 2008 11:58 PM GMT
    conativejj saidSo since you took offense to my post, I am to assume it struck a bone?


    This mangling of the phrase "struck a nerve" was awesome, the unintentional double entendre literally made me laugh out loud.
  • CAtoFL

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    Sep 06, 2008 3:30 AM GMT
    Cripes, I have friends ranging in age from 20 to 83. You mean now I have to sort them by looks, too?

    This gay stuff is way too labor intensive. If this keeps up, I might just hang out with people whose company I enjoy.
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    Sep 06, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    I hate hot guys that only affiliate with other guys who are hot. I call them the Pretty People Posse and together they're about as intelligent as an ant without a head. I make friends based on personality solely. Looks are a plus. But if someone can make me laugh and I enjoy being around them, I don't care what they look like.