What do you normally do in this situation...?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    You're on any gay site (RJ, OKcupid, A4a, Grindr etc). You come across a profile of a guy near who you are not attracted to but you have several things in common with:

    1) Do you email him to see if you have enough in common to be friends and hang out?

    2) If he emails you with a message to the effect of "nice profile... we have a lot in common..." do you respond and try to get know him but let him know you'd only be interested in being friends or do you err on the side of caution because you think you might lead him on or send the wrong message?
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    Oct 28, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    if you don't interact with people, how do you get to know them? ya gotta step outta your comfort zone....
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    Oct 28, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    It would depend on what their profile said. If it said they were looking for friends, then I would say hi, but I would make it clear that I'm only looking for friendship. If it's a dating site, and they didn't say they were looking for friends, then I might feel like contacting them would be leading them on.
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    Oct 28, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    If you clearly state that you are only interested in being friends and that's it, you have no reason to be worried about leading someone on. If they call you out on leading them on, you can always go back to what you initially said (As long as your not being an ass and intentionally playing someone) icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 28, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Depends. Are you on those sites to find romance? Or are you on there to meet new people? I generally think there's nothing wrong with making new friends.
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    Oct 28, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    Hanging out is overrated. I just want to bone.
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    Oct 28, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    Sex is easy to find. Common interests aren't.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Myol said
    2) If he emails you with a message to the effect of "nice profile... we have a lot in common..." do you respond and try to get know him but let him know you'd only be interested in being friends or do you err on the side of caution because you think you might lead him on or send the wrong message?


    This hypothetical overcomplicates how things really work. You look at a profile (all of it, pictures, words, interests) and you either feel it or you don't. Somebody contacts you and you either feel it or you don't.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    I might message them and ask them more about the qualities that we have in common but thats it. I'd have to see how we interact before I'd decide on how to proceed.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:18 AM GMT
    So in other words..
    Gay men can only be friends with attractive guys because there's always the potential for hooking up during a drunken moment.

    icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:54 AM GMT

    "1) Do you email him to see if you have enough in common to be friends and hang out?

    2) If he emails you with a message to the effect of "nice profile... we have a lot in common..." do you respond and try to get know him but let him know you'd only be interested in being friends.."


    Yes. But I wouldn't say you're only interested in being friends until you meet him in person. How the inside animates the outside of a person is entirely different from looking at a static two dimensional pic on a profile.

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    Oct 29, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    It depends on how unnatractive the guy is and his intentions.

    I react in different ways depending on what gay site it is. Grindr is mainly a dating/hookup app, so I'll always ignore unnatractive people and people who just want hookups.

    If it's a site like RJ I'll probably respond if I think we can have an interesting conversation. Actually I try to respond every mail, buddy list requests and hotlist messages. I live too far away from 99% of RJ's users, so attractiveness doesn't mean much when nothing will ever happen icon_sad.gif
    Some mails do get ignored on purpose if they're just interested in something other than a conversation right away. Or if it's an empty profile, no photos, nothing written or only torso/naked pics. And sometimes I don't answer just because I don't feel like it, mostly because I answered too many mails.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    I never do the first. Whenever I initiate contact with someone, it never goes well so I simply don't do it. I've wanted to but I was also attracted to them.

    The second, I'll gladly talk to someone if they can maintain a conversation. I only say I'm not interested in a relationship if they ask. I'm not going to automatically assume everyone who ends up in my inbox was a piece of a ice. And hard to believe, yes it has happened.
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    1) I rarely ever make the first move, so I don't think this would happen.

    2) I'd respond and be open to whatever happens. I'm not gonna be his bf after the first message, but if we really hit if off I'd be okay with it after really getting to know one another.
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    Oct 29, 2012 8:44 AM GMT
    xrichx saidSo in other words..
    Gay men can only be friends with attractive guys because there's always the potential for hooking up during a drunken moment.

    No. You can have ugly friends, but you can only be seen in public with attractive friends. If you're out with your friends and you see some guy you're interested in and you're surrounded by ugly friends, the guy will think there's something wrong with you. Why can't you have any friends at least as good looking as yourself? Are you defective in some way that the potential interest can't see right away?
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    Oct 29, 2012 8:59 AM GMT
    I would hang out to see if we could develop a friendship. It would be nice. If we don't click then we don't click. If we do HEY party ova here!!
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    Oct 29, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    I won't respond if the other guy is local and overweight. I can be picky about diet and don't want to hang with people while they eat nachos all day. Mostly since I would be tempted to screw up my diet by eating nachos with them...
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    Oct 29, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    1. Yes i'd do that

    2. I'd respond and just go over the interests and see what happens from there. because I always answer my emails icon_biggrin.gif and I have no problem meeting them in person to see how we vibe. It takes time for people to grow on me so I just let things take it's course. For all I know I may end of becoming attracted to him or we become great friends. or drift apart.
  • HPgeek934

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    Oct 29, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    I've found that if I don't find the guy attractive in the beginning but we get along great and have a lot in common, then I wanna jump his bones because he becomes sexy to me.
    And it's the same in reverse. I recently went out on a few dates with a guy that I have found insanely sexy for years, but we had ZERO in common and It made me sick thinking about kissing him lol
  • bischero

    Posts: 847

    Oct 29, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    If he doesn't have six pack abs, an award winning smile, and a fat checkbook, why would you even bother talking to him? It's not like he's a human being with a personality or anything.



    Duh you should get to know him if he has common interests as you! Sure, you can preface that you're just looking for friends and you don't want to lead him on, but if you don't reply then you could be missing out on a great relationship (whether it be friendship or romantic or networking or whatever). icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    How do most of you make friends with gay guys? At the bar, former hook ups?
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    Oct 30, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    Macaque said
    xrichx saidSo in other words..
    Gay men can only be friends with attractive guys because there's always the potential for hooking up during a drunken moment.

    No. You can have ugly friends, but you can only be seen in public with attractive friends. If you're out with your friends and you see some guy you're interested in and you're surrounded by ugly friends, the guy will think there's something wrong with you. Why can't you have any friends at least as good looking as yourself? Are you defective in some way that the potential interest can't see right away?


    But if you only have hot friends then you are going to have more competition to deal with.
    Also, if you have ugo friends then it gives the illusion that you aren't shallow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    Myol saidHow do most of you make friends with gay guys? At the bar, former hook ups?


    Join a gay sports team. Trying to make platonic friends at a bar or on a dating site is going to be harder because you are fighting the preconceived notions for why everyone is there.
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    Oct 31, 2012 12:06 AM GMT
    I don't message anyone without genuine interests, but I respond to every message and feel them out, see if we can even communicate with each other. Then we can test our chemistry.