How young is too young?

  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Oct 28, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    So I went out Saturday for Halloween and met a few guys, got three numbers. I've been chatting with them just to see if they wanna hang out, go on dates, something like that. All three were totally interested and one started talking about wanting a LTR. Jackpot, right? But all three eventually asked how old I was, and when I said 19, that was the last text of the conversation for all three. I asked one just now if he stopped texting or just didn't notice. He said "Sorry too young, bye." Mind you, all of these guys are in their mid-late twenties. Is 19 really too immature to go on a few dates? Is there logic or do they just feel like cradle-robbing? I know I'm complaining about something that will be over soon, but give me some insight on how I can improve my luck a little...

    Sidenote, is this just guys in their twenties? 30+ guys don't really seem to mind as much, so do they just get over it?

    Sidesidenote, should I just start stocking up on cat food and accept that I will be the single cat lady forever?

    tumblr_mc4jeybOA21qgu4gno2_250.gif
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    Oct 28, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    The next time someone asks you for your age tell them "legal" and see what happens.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Oct 28, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    18-19 year olds are immature. Well in most cases. I don't necessarily mean mentally (though often times this holds true). I mean, you are in a different place in your life than say a 22 year old that is about to graduate college and enter the workforce.. or say a 26 year old that wants to start a LTR with someone who has a graduate degree, a career and a stable income.

    You may be a smart, cute, friendly, and exuberant 19 year old, but sometimes you simply can not fit the bill that guys are looking for when it comes to age and experience.

    Edit: And to answer your question about guys 30+, in my experience most of these men are simply looking for a young boy toy to fool around with. If they do decide to date you it's probably more physical than anything.
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    Oct 28, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    kevmoran said How young is too young?
    Depends on the local jurisdiction. In most places, it's under 18.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    23 and under would be too young to date. I guess I'd sleep with a 19 or 20 yo in theory, but young dudes, in my experience, are shitty at sex.
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    I had an amazing relationship with a 19 year old last year. I would say that the biggest issue beyond age is that guys in their "college years" are just in a completely different life-phase so it is hard to date someone in a different situation...
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    Oct 29, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    I'm only 22 and I will not date a 19 year old. I tried to date a 20 year old and he was way too emotionally immature. And at 19 you can't drink and you're just at that age when the majority is very immature.

    It really isn't anything personal. Bizman summed it up perfectly.

    And even at 22, I'm too young for some guys. It doesn't help that I look like I"m 17 years old.
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Oct 29, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
    19 is okay if he's mature and has plan for the future.

    But, at least it's better than getting hit on by say, a 15yr old.
    I got a message from this person claiming he's only 15 but he's "mature" at his age.
    Um, no thank you, I don't want to date someone who is as young as my younger sister. That's like, twice my age!
    Anyways, he was from Singapore so I assume he's just trolling me.
    Or one of those Malaysian boy toy.


    ====
    From:
    (name withheld)
    To:
    Kel_
    Subject:
    Hey
    Date:
    Oct 17, 2012 at 7:40 PM
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    Hi there! bro I'm only 15 but I'm mature. You mind me treating you like a bigger brother? You are such badass.and canbe trustedicon_smile.gif I'mmasturbating now tbh! My pic is all on Fb and skype. let me know if ya want! icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    There was a time when all I could see were guys in thier late 20s. It took making a few too many mistakes with guys who didn't deserve it to realize that it wasn't a "me" thing, or a "them" thing. Guys at that age are undoubtedly at a different stage than us, and people want to be with someone they consider an equal. You and I, we're still growing up, and they are over that phase
  • ChrisBGood

    Posts: 103

    Oct 29, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    I look at a guy and see if he has something going for himself. I have had the opportunity to get to know guys of different ages and I will tell you, age does NOT determine maturity level. But since most of us "older" guys are not looking to baby sit or pick a guy up bc he doesnt have a job and cant afford a car payment (true story), i think that stigma is attached to young guys. If i met a 19 year old with a steady job, and him doing things to move forward in life, I would give him a chance. Of course, hes gotta have his own place or at least be out on his own.
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    I'm 20 years old, and I've experienced this a couple of times myself. Usually if it's a guy in his mid-twenties, the reason is that i wont be able to go to the bars with him or something like that.

    I do think that there is a big maturity gap though. They compare people our age to high schoolers. I don't mind though. . .
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    Kel_ said19 is okay if he's mature and has plan for the future.

    But, at least it's better than getting hit on by say, a 15yr old.
    I got a message from this person claiming he's only 15 but he's "mature" at his age.
    Um, no thank you, I don't want to date someone who is as young as my younger sister. That's like, twice my age!
    Anyways, he was from Singapore so I assume he's just trolling me.
    Or one of those Malaysian boy toy.


    ====
    From:
    (name withheld)
    To:
    Kel_
    Subject:
    Hey
    Date:
    Oct 17, 2012 at 7:40 PM
    Delete | Untrash | Spam | Unblock Sender
    Hi there! bro I'm only 15 but I'm mature. You mind me treating you like a bigger brother? You are such badass.and canbe trustedicon_smile.gif I'mmasturbating now tbh! My pic is all on Fb and skype. let me know if ya want! icon_smile.gif


    TROLOLOLOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    Someone is too young when they're either immature or are at a different stage of life, as the posts above said.
    If they're graduated and working, with a stable income and probably about to go live by themselves you're too young for them. They want someone who is independent, mature and responsible.

    Older guys in general just have a fetish for anything that looks young. I'm not saying EVERY guy is like that, just that you shouldn't keep your hopes up if someone "too old" seems to be interested in you. Just as the older guys generally don't look for younger guys hoping for a LTR, even if it's a possibility.

    That's based on personal experience. I may be 22 but I'm still at the stage an american 18~20yo would be.
  • morleyq

    Posts: 175

    Oct 29, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    Yes, 19 is way to young to start stocking up on cat food. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Not sure what those 3 guys were looking for, but you say one mentioned an LTR and you considered that good. There may be different definitions for "Long" (months? years? decades? lifetime?), but someone still in undergrad may not even be in the area a long time.

    Turn it around (ignoring legal issues). How would you react to the prospect of a relationship with a high-school senior? In addition to some maturity issues, what happens when he goes off somewhere to college next year? With regards to robbing the cradle, does he even know what he wants? Who he is?

    You've got plenty of time, relax a little. icon_biggrin.gif

  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Oct 29, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    We young'uns should definitely hang out more often. icon_lol.gif

    I get the same thing, though. People think that we're all super immature and don't know anything. Which I guess is true, to some extent, because I've found most guys my age to be really annoying and vapid and vain and blah blah blah. I dunno, my friends tell me I'm an "old man". That's not a jab at the older crowd, but I guess it is pretty unusual to find someone my age who's not incessantly looking for a hookup.

    In short, I guess there's not much we can do... outside of lying about our age, though that's really not something I'd encourage or like to do. There's a couple on RJ who are 28 and 19, maybe we can get something out of them icon_razz.gif
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Oct 29, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    I won't actively seek out someone younger than 21, a big reason is because they can't go to bars and stuff. But if a guy 18-20 initiated it, I'd give him a chance.
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    Oct 29, 2012 1:53 AM GMT
    Similar to what everyone else said, I think it's just that you're in a different mindset than those older guys since you're still in school while they are in the workforce (I'm assuming so at least). So maybe they want to date someone who is in a similar life-phase.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said18-19 year olds are immature. Well in most cases. I don't necessarily mean mentally (though often times this holds true). I mean, you are in a different place in your life than say a 22 year old that is about to graduate college and enter the workforce.. or say a 26 year old that wants to start a LTR with someone who has a graduate degree, a career and a stable income.

    You may be smart, cute, friendly, and exuberant 19 year old, but sometimes you simply can not fit the bill that guys are looking for when it comes to age and experience.

    Edit: And to answer your question about guys 30+, in my experience most of these men are simply looking for a young boy toy to fool around with. If they do decide to date you it's probably more physical than anything.


    well freakin' said!!!! icon_smile.gif 24 here and I rarely chat with 21 y/o's let alone teenagers... agree.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    Amusing post, about being the crazy cat lady, but don't worry about it too much.

    A) You're an attractive guy. You won't have any problems.

    B) You'll just have to wait a few years. As you said, this is a problem that will eventually go away.

    Age is a funny thing. When you're in your teens or early twenties, it seems like a year or two is a huge difference. In your 30s and 40s, not so much. But if you're 19 and getting interest from people in their 30s, I'd steer clear. It's very likely they will use you for a night and then forget all about you.

    Self-respect is very attractive and I'd suggest you wait until you find someone who is both close to your age and who respects you.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Ageism has no boundaries. Get used to it. It happens at every age.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:20 AM GMT
    jimzdc said23 and under would be too young to date. I guess I'd sleep with a 19 or 20 yo in theory, but young dudes, in my experience, are shitty at sex.


    some people might surprise you ;)
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Oct 29, 2012 2:20 AM GMT
    12 is too young. So you're fine at 19.
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    kevmoran saidSo I went out Saturday for Halloween and met a few guys, got three numbers. I've been chatting with them just to see if they wanna hang out, go on dates, something like that. All three were totally interested and one started talking about wanting a LTR. Jackpot, right? But all three eventually asked how old I was, and when I said 19, that was the last text of the conversation for all three. I asked one just now if he stopped texting or just didn't notice. He said "Sorry too young, bye." Mind you, all of these guys are in their mid-late twenties. Is 19 really too immature to go on a few dates? Is there logic or do they just feel like cradle-robbing? I know I'm complaining about something that will be over soon, but give me some insight on how I can improve my luck a little...



    In my experience (and im 21) I still get told I'm too young.... Now granted, that theory about 19 year olds not being almost done school isn't so true now... I know a lot of 17 year olds entering university who will be graduating at 20 and 21, so I think, instead of just cutting someone off saying you're too young, they should assess where you are in your life... I know from personal experience that you do grow up and mature a TON in university... Sooo people just need to wait and see not just jump off the wagon that quick.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Oct 29, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    So I think the verdict is to wait until I'm 21~23. But what do I do until then? I don't like to hookup and most guys don't come out until they're in their twenties, so I can't really date my age. Do I just stick to dildos until then or...
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    Oct 29, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    kevmoran saidSo I think the verdict is to wait until I'm 21~23. But what do I do until then? I don't like to hookup and most guys don't come out until they're in their twenties, so I can't really date my age. Do I just stick to dildos until then or...

    Wait? No...you're going on the opinion of like 10 guys. Go for whoever you like. Just because some of us said we wouldn't doesn't mean there aren't guys in their 20s and 30s who wouldn't date a 19 year old. Just be careful. icon_cool.gif