CJ and K

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    I would like some advice from the wise/diverse/experienced/objective audience of Realjock icon_smile.gif

    CJ - 23 yr old extrovert
    K - 28 yr old introvert

    CJ and K met mid September and hit it off. They happen to live in the same building, and spent most nights from then until mid October in the same bed. They jerked off together a few times in that period, but K was much more vanilla/relaxed/laid back than CJ. CJ didn't mind this because he liked K and got more excited as time went on at how things would unfold between them.

    In mid Oct. K went on a trip out of country with 2 gf's and a guy friend; the trip had been planned before CJ and K met, and K expressed that had he met CJ earlier he would have been invited along. So after about a month of seeing each other (no talks on exclusivity, etc.) K left on his trip. K arrived back on Oct 25, which CJ had been anticipating (after spending so many nights together over the past few weeks the ten days apart did not go unnoticed).

    K made no efforts to get in touch with CJ, and although CJ had sent K a msg while he was gone saying he missed K, he received no reply to that once K got home either. It wasn't until CJ was out for a run and saw tracks in the snow under K's vehicle that he struck up a conversation, slightly disappointed he was making the first move when it was K that had been out of reach for ten days.

    Even after that initial point of contact, K made no indication that he wanted to see CJ, didn't invite him up to hear about the trip or stay over, etc. It has now been 5 days and CJ hasn't seen or spoken to K (aside from a few short text conversations).
    Questions:
    1.Is CJ wrong in feeling that K should be making more of an effort since K is the one that went away?
    2. K has more experience dating than CJ; should this make his lack of initiating contact with CJ a sign that he's lost interest?
    3. Would 'you've lost interest in me; prove or disprove this statement' (or something to that effect) be an inappropriate message to send?
    4. Should CJ march up to K's apartment (same building, remember) and simply confront the introvert on his lack of communication?

    Discuss. icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 30, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    "1.Is CJ wrong in feeling that K should be making more of an effort since K is the one that went away?
    2. K has more experience dating than CJ; should this make his lack of initiating contact with CJ a sign that he's lost interest?
    3. Would 'you've lost interest in me; prove or disprove this statement' (or something to that effect) be an inappropriate message to send?
    4. Should CJ march up to K's apartment (same building, remember) and simply confront the introvert on his lack of communication?"

    1 No, CJ is not wrong.
    2 No one can know that but K.
    3 I wouldn't do that.
    4 No to that as well.

    I would just send one email or direct text saying, "I miss you. Call me?"

    ..and wait to see what happens. If this message goes unanswered then CJ has his answer, and hopefully will understand K is not a class act by not replying, making CJ better off without K.

    PS if K replies then CJ has a chance to take up the reins and ask how the trip went, say he'd love to hear all about it and take it from there. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    K isnt really into CK and CK should move on if he's looking for a relationship.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Oct 30, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    both these people should get real names and stop being stupid.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    K's not interested. CJ should move on.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 30, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    1 No, CJ is not wrong.
    2 No one can know that but K.
    3 I wouldn't do that.
    4 No to that as well.

    I would just send one email or direct text saying, "I miss you. Call me?"

    ..and wait to see what happens. If this message goes unanswered then CJ has his answer, and hopefully will understand K is not a class act by not replying, making CJ better off without K.

    PS if K replies then CJ has a chance to take up the reins and ask how the trip went, say he'd love to hear all about it and take it from there. icon_wink.gif


    ditto ^^^

    Here's a thought: Just because we can talk (or write) doesn't mean we can communicate. Communication, especially interpersonal communication, is not only a skill that can be learned, but a kind of art. It requires practice, patience and sensitivity.

    Communication is the key to any relationship. If there is no communication (in some form or other) there is no relationship. Perhaps the most fundamental question at the heart of any relationship is, "What do we have to say to one another?"

    Clearly CJ wants something from K. Has CJ made this clear to K in such a way that he can respond with a "yes," "no," or "maybe"? If not, why not?

    2.5ยข
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    Oct 30, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    jerbear89 saidI would like some advice from the wise/diverse/experienced/objective audience of Realjock icon_smile.gif

    CJ - 23 yr old extrovert
    K - 28 yr old introvert

    CJ and K met mid September and hit it off. They happen to live in the same building, and spent most nights from then until mid October in the same bed. They jerked off together a few times in that period, but K was much more vanilla/relaxed/laid back than CJ. CJ didn't mind this because he liked K and got more excited as time went on at how things would unfold between them.

    In mid Oct. K went on a trip out of country with 2 gf's and a guy friend; the trip had been planned before CJ and K met, and K expressed that had he met CJ earlier he would have been invited along. So after about a month of seeing each other (no talks on exclusivity, etc.) K left on his trip. K arrived back on Oct 25, which CJ had been anticipating (after spending so many nights together over the past few weeks the ten days apart did not go unnoticed).

    K made no efforts to get in touch with CJ, and although CJ had sent K a msg while he was gone saying he missed K, he received no reply to that once K got home either. It wasn't until CJ was out for a run and saw tracks in the snow under K's vehicle that he struck up a conversation, slightly disappointed he was making the first move when it was K that had been out of reach for ten days.

    Even after that initial point of contact, K made no indication that he wanted to see CJ, didn't invite him up to hear about the trip or stay over, etc. It has now been 5 days and CJ hasn't seen or spoken to K (aside from a few short text conversations).
    Questions:
    1.Is CJ wrong in feeling that K should be making more of an effort since K is the one that went away?
    2. K has more experience dating than CJ; should this make his lack of initiating contact with CJ a sign that he's lost interest?
    3. Would 'you've lost interest in me; prove or disprove this statement' (or something to that effect) be an inappropriate message to send?
    4. Should CJ march up to K's apartment (same building, remember) and simply confront the introvert on his lack of communication?

    Discuss. icon_confused.gif


    For whatever reason, K is not interested in CJ. It's happened to me a couple times. Just erase him completely from your life. He already did it to you. No point in trying to force him to feel something he obviously doesn't feel. Just know he doesn't have the integrity to admit that to your face after a short time of what you thought was intimacy. Be thankful his character was revealed earlier rather than later.

    I had a dude bring up commitment and marriage, then cut me out of his life overnight while surfing for tricks on A4A.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Oct 30, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    Move on is all there is to do.Don't bother with the trying to make him jelous.If you want to be polite when seeing him just say "Hey/Hi"and move on.You've made your feelings clear by your actions and if there is no responce it's time to move on.Oh by the way I did'nt feel like using the whole CJ and K so that's why the you and him referances.
  • Kagse

    Posts: 261

    Oct 30, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    I would have to agree with many of the statements already posted, it appears that K has lost interest in CJ. There could b a reason(s), which you might never find out. It can be the hardest thing to accept, the "not knowing why".
    It seems like you've already tried reaching out to him In a pretty direct way, so confronting him might just make it worse, more awkward overall.
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    Oct 30, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    TerraFirma saidK's not interested. CJ should move on.

    This
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2012 12:27 AM GMT
    Thanks everybody for your posts!
    Just to clarify; CJ and K are their real names, just shortened. I'm friends with CJ and thus feel biased on how he should react so I wanted some 3rd party input. I have recommended the first suggestion, first. Following the outcome of that, I have suggested the remaining suggestions. That way there's no "what if's"; at least he tried both routes!
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    I could play CJ character so much better! *oops icon_razz.gif

    1.Is CJ wrong in feeling that K should be making more of an effort since K is the one that went away?

    Nope.

    2. K has more experience dating than CJ; should this make his lack of initiating contact with CJ a sign that he's lost interest?

    Probably but CJ should know by then if he's been very observant! while being with him the past and spending most of those night with him,by some sense to the mind he could already read and tell how faithful or loose of such person K is. The answer maybe a Yes!

    3. Would 'you've lost interest in me; prove or disprove this statement' (or something to that effect) be an inappropriate message to send?

    To the question : No , but in general it is subject to a person. it may be seemingly childish in certain angle but by all sane and honest means I wouldn't have lost interest by that instant!

    4. Should CJ march up to K's apartment (same building, remember) and simply confront the introvert on his lack of communication?

    Nope! , Hell-A-No!. That might assumingly make him look weak and childish!

    *Man! please learn how to play cards and do play them well! not some yippe!! happy dreamland mind
    , make him think life is like Alien Vs Predator then he will surely win!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    Just thought I would update everyone on the situation.
    Turns out K fell into a slump when he returned from his trip and has just been hating on life in general ever since. He is going to meet up with my friend CJ tonight to talk and apologized to him for the cold shoulder; said he didn't deserve it.
    I should mention that CJ not only messaged him asking to hang out but also sent a mutual friend (who went on the trip with K) a message asking if he knew of any reason why K would be acting this way. I think it was THIS action (the friend likely confronted K on the issue) that spurred the response.

    So had CJ just stopped and moved on like some suggested he wouldn't be getting the closure he needed, which he will get tonight. I'm sure the relationship is over regardless but at least they finished the book before tossing it.
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    Nov 02, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    1. No. CJ is in the right, K is in the wrong.
    2. Yes, K has lost interest. Even I know when you're being avoided, its kinda over.
    3. No, I think it's fine. Everyone wants closure and a final answer, being straightforward is fine in my mind.
    4. Yes. Talking is the best method of communicating, and K owes CJ at least a last conversation.
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    Nov 03, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    CLOSURE!

    Finally.
    K admitted to CJ that he was interested, but not ready for anything serious. He is still dealing with a previous LTR that has left a bad taste in his mouth. They're going to be friends, still hang out, but now at least there are no expectations (assumed or otherwise). K wasn't expecting to feel that way about CJ so soon and it scared him into behaving the way he did.

    Well, that could've been a lot worse. CJ does not plan on continuing any sexual contact with K, but is glad they can still talk and be friends.

    The End icon_razz.gif